I don't think I'll understand

So, have you been to the movie theater lately? How is it that people truly don't get the being quiet thing? My dad and I got stuck in one where people couldn't make their kids shut up. Loud children in a PG-13 movie. Now I don't really care, if they can handle the material than whatever, but if they can't handle sitting still and not disturbing others than leave them with a babysitter or wait until it comes out on DVD. We were in Transformers (hopefully I'll be going to see it it about three more times). When Optimus Prime show up, some kid in the back start excitedly saying "It's Megatron, it's Megatron! I know it!" So, not only do your kids not know how to behave, they also haven't been properly educated on the difference between Autobots and Decepticons. That's just lame. But what else is to be expected when the older people are just as obnoxious? Some guy behind us felt the need to point out everything that was happening, "Haha, they're hiding!" and "Haha, he got himself! (when Gizmo's weapon ricochets back on him)" Good thing he was there, or else I never would have known what I was looking at.
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"Morons, seriously." - my pal, Natasha

Heroes

Heroes are not invincible.
Someone's hero breaks somewhere everyday.
So I have to know that what's important about a hero is not invincibility, but what they instill in the ones looking up to them. Those things that have helped shape lives--nurture strength and character.
When my heroes fall, they will have left me equipped to handle the grief.
And I will find joy in the lives they lived and who they helped make me amid the sadness of no longer seeing their faces.
Love is eternal...ongoing.

Thoughts I Think

On my mind:

-self-preservation
-how nice it is to be alive
-spiritual gifts
-music, always music...
-creative outlets
-mentors, connections, generations
-relationship awkwardness...how do we get "comfortable?"
-friends, family, and everyone else
-writing, where do thoughts come from?
-dead Russian authors (I like them)
-poetry
-making my own stuff, selling my own stuff
-weddings...they're all around me...I need dresses for all of them...
-the vagueness in the word "future"
-goals
-passions
-how cool my friends are
-I miss my far away loved ones
-Hilary Clinton freaks me out...thats not a political thing, she spooks me on a deep level
-money, I don't like it...someone just take care of me so I don't have to deal with it...
-pictures
-the kids at work...I got some funny stories...
-all kinds of good ideas and future projects and whatnot...
-so many other things that would create a much longer list if I could put them all on paper...

Pretty amazing that our brains hold so much and yet we don't utilize every part of them. We take all the good and bad stresses, ideas, feelings, and all that and still function day to day. It's nifty if you ask me, maybe because I think too much...

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We both know that I could think myself dizzy, right now I'm spinnin' around... --Matt Wertz

pain in the neck

I am exhausted, that's tired x 100.
But I'm glad I'm here to have the feeling...

What Happened to June?

I went a whole month with no posts! Imagine that...supposing I felt people read this I might be inclined to do more...plus June was just such a crazy month. Well there's stuff written down...I'll get to putting more here...

The Art of Defense

It's amazing how small acts can trigger instincts you were previously unaware of. I am generally an introspective person, very thoughtful in what I am doing and why. But even I have discovered certain learned behaviors I didn't realize I had picked up. Scars are powerful, don't let anyone ever tell you any differently, they shape the things we do even after they are healed to the point you can't see them so well. I've gone through some pretty painful things that left scars that I will never not be aware of (hello double negative, try to keep up). And recently I discovered some things I do defensively, trusty actions designed to keep me from getting hurt while appearing somewhat normal. Clinging to feelings for someone knowing things will go nowhere so I know I'll never actually get hurt. And I've realized I have to decide if I'm just looking for things not to like in people that are really great so they can't potentially harm me down the road, or if traits are legitimate concerns that I need to stay away from.
A friend and I discussed it at some length the other day and it was really good to hear things coming out of my mouth and having them be affirmed as not crazy, just honest consequences of having your heart broken a few times. Also to hear encouragement and sensical advice, which is always appreciated by me. The first step being to admit you have a problem, my friend told me that just being aware and trying to be open were really important steps (and I have to agree). It's pretty amazing what just knowing those things does for the stress of "relationships" or anything else...I felt like things got a lot less complicated when I put those pieces together.
So my goal is to be open to what may be a pleasant surprise somewhere, and to be discerning in my thoughts (weeding out the problems I make up). We've all got our baggage, and if I may quote my favorite musical: I'm lookin' for baggage that goes with mine. Ah, Rent, you got me again...