High Maintenance Reading List

Welcome to High Maintenance 101, the first thing you'll need to do is go to the bookstore and make sure you bring the following to class:

- Princess: You Know Who You Are by Francesca Castagnoli
From shopping to pampering, to charming, this book covers how to respect your inner princess and treat her accordingly.

- The Goddess Guide by Gisele Scanlon
The perfect guidebook for our course. From the introduction: Do you know where to buy the best vintage clothing? Have you ever wondered what Tracey Emin collects? Want to know why the soles of Christian Louboutin's beautiful shoes are always crimson red? Going to Paris and need to know where to stay and what perfumes to bring home with you? Perhaps you have a room to decorate and want to put up -- and customize -- your own wallpaper? Still searching for the best-fitting jeans, the snuggliest duvet, the secret to having perfectly toned arms? Scanlon uses the knowledge she's collected through years of travel, writing, and such along with interviews with the people who should know (and who you should know) to compile this awesome little volume. And the cover is beautiful...although your not supposed to judge by it.

- That Extra Half An Inch: Hair, Heels and Everything in Between by Victoria Beckham
Her secrets are the ones you must know. If you do not have a healthy dose of Posh-love in your life, there is no place for you here. If you want to be in the know about how to be mayjah, make sure you have this book.

- Vogue, Elle, and Harper's Bazaar magazines
You don't need a subscription, you just need to know that this is where you'll find the stuff you need to know month to month. Your monthly boost of fabulousness, if you will.

Pending instructor review:

- A Guide to Quality, Taste and Style by Tim Gunn
On the list of must-reads, this comes from the man that acts as mentor to the Project Runway contestants, and knows what he's talking about when it comes to fashion and those other things mentioned in the title of his book. I look forward to reading it.

- The Little Black Book of Style by Nina Garcia
The fashion director of Elle magazine and judge on Project Runway offers up a volume geared at helping you find your fashion identity and your polished self. They use these people on that show for a reason, people.

- Daring Book for Girls by Andrea J. Buchanan
Because being fabulous is not just about appearances and personality. You need to know how to do other really cools stuff too, like the perfect cartwheel, wrapping saris, or science projects. Tomboy or girly-girl, or combination, this book seems to be an excellent addition to the library.

*List subject to change as many books are available, yet really good ones being hard to find. These being those the instructor has found useful and relevant.

**Please also take note of the times the following shows are airing in your area: Project Runway, What Not to Wear, Sex and the City, and your choice of shows found on the Style network.

Should I...

Watch Transformers or go try and finish the book I'm close to the end of?

I'm leaning towards reading...but it's a tough call. Two things I kind of gave too much thought to today. Cuddled with babies and the whole time thinking, "When I get home I want to..."

Update: Not that you find this interesting or important at all, but I did go read and my brain was too jittery so I came back to jump from thing to thing all ADD-like on the internet while I watch T.V. simultaneously.

P.S. I love Project Runway.

here it goes

here it goes
here it goes again
oh, here it goes again...

Yup, Ok Go lyrics just to say we're returning the hundred things list. Inching closer to the finish line...

Numbers 51-60:

51. I love cauliflower. Ever since I was a kid, favourite vegetable, hands down. And it's super nutritious, so that's good.
52. I dye my hair about two shades darker than my natural colour. Only I notice when my roots are coming in. It gives it a lot more dimension and hello, it's so hot (and so me).
53. I'm probably more high maintenance than I want to believe. I pretty much refuse to leave the house without hair and make-up done, and even a t-shirt and jeans have to be done right. It kicks in even more on my days off from the daycare, as I don't get to bother looking all that cute when I'm at work. It's hard to keep up appearances when at least three small children are grabbing at you with grubby hands, wiping snotty noses on you, and other adorable things. So I do what I can when I'm not there.
54. I love swing sets. How could you not get all happy when flying through the air like that? Sunny days with a slight breeze always make me want to find a playground and swing all day.
55. I love being the center of attention. Just not always...a lot of times. I think it's like an addiction, you just want to do it again and again. But there are plenty of instances where I'd rather chill on the sidelines or even spend some time alone.
56. Making my friends smile makes my day, bonus points if they're laughing. I can't stand it when they're hurting or when things are a mess. Whatever my friends are going through, good/bad/beautiful/ugly/amazing/awful, affects me big time. I just love them so very much.
57. I'd love to take at least one dance class. Like modern dance, or jazz. Something different than what you do when you're out for the weekend. I love the expression and creative outlet of using your whole body to express music. And while I do my thing, alone, at home, getting a little "formal" instruction would be really cool.
58. I kept a bunch of my textbooks from college because I really do want to go back and read them. These include the ones for World Geography, Comparative Politics, and Anthropology. Along with a bunch of my philosophy books.
59. I have trust issues. Who doesn't?
60. I'm really glad that my taste buds have started getting excited about tea. I always wanted to like tea and would try it on a regular basis only to be disappointed. But within a few recent months I've been getting into it more and more. I love tea. Mostly green tea, but I love trying new ones. Jasmine has quickly become one of my favourites.
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I'm not completely insane
I'm maybe just a little bit crazy
There's no one to blame
Got no shame 'bout my game
Don't want nobody to save me...
-- Alana Davis, "Crazy"

bachelorette parties are fun

And they're good for your ego.

Especially if your party runs into a random bachelor party.

Good times will be had and you'll be feeling really good about yourself, just sayin'.

Although, apparently, I'm trouble.

My dear friend is getting married this week and we went out last night for the shenanigans that are required pre-nuptial. We did a tour at a winery, which if you get the chance to do, I highly recommend because it was the perfect start to our night. Followed that up with dinner (pizza in the hotel room where some of the girls were staying the night). From there, it was time to go downtown and let loose.

As we were walking we saw the cutest little lingerie store, and we were all "Um, this is the perfect place to check out for a party such as this." So we went in, and the first thing Becks and I saw were the super-high platform stripper heels that were too fun to not try on. Becks got these bright red buckled all over numbers, and the only ones in my size were clear plastic with a sparkly lip print on the side.

But wait, that's no ordinary sparkly lip print, it's actually the marker to show you where the money slot is. Yes, a money slot. They were too good to be true, I almost bought them because of the pure camp factor. Plus, as the wonderful sales girl pointed out, "If you decided to get them and wear them out tonight you'd most likely make your money back in no time." Because people would be able to put money in my shoes. It was funny, because it was true.

As soon as I get the picture of me in those shoes, I will post it, I promise.

I'm still surprised at myself and how well I walked in those babies.

Bachelorette parties are fun...and hilarious.

healing on the inside

One time I used a Pampered Chef paring knife, maybe I used it twice. The knife wasn't even mine, it was my roommate's. I don't think she noticed that I threw it away shortly after. It
had been kind of dull and hadn't worked all that well anyway.

From then on it was mostly the thin blades in disposable razors. The flimsy plastic could be broken easily enough and inside were three perfectly sharp objects. They split the skin on my delicate wrists just enough that the bleeding was profuse but there wouldn't be much evidence by way of scarring. It only took one and the other two could be quickly hidden away. Hidden from the rare observant visitor, hidden from myself until I reached for them again in panicked desperation.

It was calming, the thin lines appearing as I carefully drew them with the razor. Watching the blood flow before I furtively slipped into the bathroom to stick my wrists under cool running water. Only then did I start questioning the sanity of these actions, as the two liquids mingled into a lighter red and ran down the drain. That's when I would cry because it wasn't right, it wasn't good, and it wasn't really helping.

I'd silently find the short distance back to my room, lock the door, and pull out the red bandanna that served it's main purpose to be wrapped around the cuts, and soak up blood and tears. I'd curl up under the covers and either cry or stare up at the ceiling until my exhausted body, exhausted mind, exhausted heart drifted into deep, wonderful sleep. Some of those nights I awoke the next morning more rested and refreshed than I had ever experienced. Because most other nights I wasn't sleeping. Those mornings I woke up and put myself together for class, beautifully.

Adorable outfit: check

Perfect hair and make-up: check

Huge white watch with all the little buckles, strategically covering main cutting surface: check

Sweet smile and ready laugh: check

No one noticed.

No one that didn't automatically accept a feeble excuse. Micah noticed as we all got ourselves ready for homecoming. My watch wasn't on yet.

"What happened to your wrist?"

"Oh, I slipped on the cement bleachers over on the football field the other day. It got scratched up when I tried to stop myself."

"Ah, I hate those bleachers."

None of them had been exposed to such a thing before. I had never been exposed to such a thing before. Cutting, panic attacks, bipolar disorder -- how do you talk about that? If I didn't even know what was going on, how could I explain it? I was used to dealing with my father's erratic behaviour, but this was beyond me.

And then I met someone who knew the ins and outs of bipolar disorder. The transfer student that I fell in love with on first sighting when I stepped in front of him in the cafeteria line for the drink fountain. Talking late one night we found someone else that knew what kind of wars we were fighting in our heads. He didn't cut himself, but he knew what the medications felt like and all about the crushing dark places. I wouldn't have to explain when one day I could only sleep and couldn't get off the couch and then want to go do crazy things on another shortly after. Knowing the fact that some days I would be introverted and unable to move outside a small circle one day and then completely outgoing and energetically chatting up person after person would go unquestioned.

Naturally we were too much drama for each other. It was explosive and strange and our upswings and downswings never matched up. We chose to deal with things in different ways. He self medicated with all sorts of substances while I let my friends inside my strange world even more, asking them to help me climb my way out. He would be cold and distant, harsh and often zombie-like because of various things found in his bloodstream. I would open up to people, let them hold me, and pray. But I would still confide to him things others wouldn't hear from me at that time.

Until the last straw. I did it one more time and hated myself. He was the one I called to come fix it. He saw my wrist and pulled me into his arms, holding me so tight because I was shaking. Shaking because I was still panicked, still crying, and it was cold outside. We talked and talked, me playing the role of a frightened little girl who has too many thoughts and needs to be told what to do. He took my phone and programmed my mom's number into his.

"If you don't call your parents tomorrow and tell them what's going on, I will."

Because he knew if I didn't tell them, no one could get me the help I needed. They had all the insurance information, and they were my parents. It was their job.

So I called them. My father yelled at me, my mother tried to listen to find out what we needed to do. They couldn't understand because I was telling them I wanted to try an approach they were unsure of.

I quit taking the medication, it wasn't helping and the side effects were just too much to deal with. I went to the elders at my church with the man that was like a second father to me, he was the professor of my favourite class, I worked for him under the work-study program, and I could trust him. My best friend that is like my sister was there, along with her husband (then boyfriend) who is like a brother. I whole group there, like family but better. The elders anointed me with oil and prayed over me for healing, for peace.

Peace came. Immediately. I felt better. I saw so many things more clearly and was getting better at making decisions. I had this strength that wasn't mine.

I hit road blocks and they made me stumble. A few were really big, and are stories for another time. I have moments of weakness, doesn't everyone? Now I know how to handle it, where to reach for the strength.

I think that God gives us tools to help us heal. If you had cancer, you would take the medicines and treatments the doctors gave you. Well, maybe you wouldn't, but I would. You'd also lean on your family, friends, and maybe you would pray. I did the same thing for my illness. At the time, medication wasn't doing anything but forcing painful side effects on me and causing significant weight gain. I was taking maximum doses and even with all the side effects, it wasn't helping me get better. Since that time I went through one major period where I was having a panic attack close to every day. I wasn't hurting myself, but I couldn't get past the things in my life that were causing the attacks. So I talked to a counselor (a Christian counselor that didn't treat me the way others had, insulting me for my faith) and we decided trying medication again would not be a bad idea. My wonderful doctor put me on Effexor, and it was a match made in heaven. It was a low dose and I wasn't experiencing any bad effects (and it didn't hurt myself esteem by causing weight gain and actually helped me lose some depression weight). I will probably go back on it once my issue with insurance gets taken care of because it keeps my moods for swinging out of control and my mind clear.

All of these things are part of who I am. They define me, etch the designs that beautify my spirit. When I knew I was healed I had "The One who heals" tattooed in Hebrew on my wrist over the spot I used to cut. It's a beautiful tattoo. And these things that I am are amazing, though a work in progress.

I still won't touch Pampered Chef paring knives though.
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A spiritual wound, one that comes from a laceration of the spirit, is much like a physical wound; after it has healed and knitted together on the outside, strange as it may seem, a spiritual wound behaves like a physical injury in continuing the healing process on the inside under pressure from the life force pushing up from within. -- Tolstoy, "War and Peace"

To sleep, perchance to dream...

I know I have stated it before, but I've been having some serious sleep issues. Getting to sleep and sleeping well are two things that have been completely eluding me for what feels like a very long time, but I'm not sure when it actually started.

And I'm sorry, my writing here has suffered, I feel. I know I'm usually remarkably more eloquent. My days off are spent with me feeling very drowsy and my days working are increasingly difficult because I'm sleepy. I have ideas and still feel creative and want to be active, but I get easily distracted and it all just kind of rolls downhill to a point where I'm just vaguely present and drifting off.

It's weird because I get sleepy and start to fall asleep at night, but then I move, turn off the light, or something simple and unexciting and all of a sudden I'm awake and have to wait until I get really sleepy. Then a lot of my nights have not been good sleep once I do manage to find my way to dreamland.

If you know anything that could help me that won't a) involve a bunch of medication (which, sleeping pills of any kind don't usually affect me at all, my doctor put me on Ambien once and it didn't do anything), b) cost me much money if any at all, or c) require alcohol because I can't have it in my house, I am open to your suggestions. Sad about the alcohol one because the one night that I slept so good I had had a couple glasses of wine, but I don't want to be dependent on that factor, of course.

It's frustrating, because I'd like to get some energy to focus on things like stepping it up with my writing and other creative endeavors, getting exercise (because, hello, I feel better inside and about myself when I get back to my ten-pounds-lighter self), and being able to function in social circles better. And my lack of real sleep has been hurting those things, big time (and in ways I'm not ready to talk about here yet).

So, let me know your helpful hints on getting some normal sleeping patterns...or call me and verbally kick my butt to get me to go work out or something. Thanks.

Heath Ledger

My best friend in high school and I were in love with him. I don't know how many times we watched 10 Things I Hate About You together. And while I grew out of my crush, he was still one of my favourite actors, he was extremely gifted.

I really hope it was an accident and I am so shocked and saddened by the news today of his death. I'm still having a little trouble really believing it.

Hooray!

Guess who just got their letter of acceptance to go to school in London?

No...me!

I'm so excited, the letter came earlier than expected and it took a minute for it to hit me full force: I'm really going to London!

Congratulatory gifts will be accepted...she said with a sly grin.

Bound to happen

Politics are in the air, it's a bittersweet scent of supposed democracy, sweat, blood, tears, and crest toothpaste plus whitening.

I don't like debating politics. People don't actually debate, they fight for their opinion to be heard over everyone else's. And I'm just not a fan of people raising their voice at me, because apparently it's well known in certain circles that if you just start shouting your opponent will suddenly have a change of heart and see it your way.

Personally, when people have started getting upset with me or begin hitting higher decibels it's seems to be because they've made some assumption based on what they know about me. They think that because they know the things they do, they can predict my stance on a subject. And if I have anything in common with them at all that usually influences their opinion, I will naturally agree with them on most everything else. Having gone to a conservative Christian university, it happened a lot.

Now, I am really happy with the education I got. I wouldn't have accomplished so much of what I did if I hadn't been there learning from and interacting with the amazing professors that I did in the major-specific classes I took. They knew what they were talking about and I gleaned so much from what they put into their curriculum. But, when ninety percent of the student body, and much of the administration is of one mind, people are going to assume that you sway with the majority just because you are a Christian at a Christian school.

And I am a Christian, just not always the one they (they being the guys sitting on committees deciding what was best for the school and the people deciding who was popular, not always the most aware of what was really going on beyond their agreeable crowd) wanted me to be. I wasn't necessarily glued to the denomination they wanted me to be. I didn't (and don't) have a problem with instrumental worship or ladies saying prayers (all of which is another story for another time, as they aren't a big deal).

I'm also not a Republican.

But, that doesn't automatically make me a Democrat either (because I'm not).

Obviously, this could cause a nice bit of confusion for the average student at my school, among others.

May I say, that it swings both ways. People on both sides of the pond want me to agree with them fully and it's probably not going to happen. I'm moderate...with a little lean to the left.

The big shockers? My thoughts on gay marriage and abortion. It's true, I have thoughts and some of them are about these "problems." At risk of being ripped a part, agreed with, spat on, patted on the head, or whatever...here's how I see it:

Gay marriage is none of my business. True. That's between the two people wanting to commit themselves to each other forever. Whatever I may think about it from a moral standpoint (being the morals I have set for myself using the guidance I find in my God's word) doesn't actually matter at all when the person(s) in question don't share my views.

Abortion is a tough one. Again, I feel that it's not the place of the state or myself to make that decision for any woman. I, personally, could never do it and believe that it would be very wrong. But another woman might look at it and say different. Another woman might feel backed into a corner with no other option. This issue gets terribly hard to keep in a black and white/right and wrong context when you throw in the proverbial "What if it's lose the mother or lose the baby" problem. It's up to the mother if she wants to die or let her child go.

What these types of things come down to for me is the fact that I have submitted myself to the law under the God that I believe and have faith in. I cannot expect someone who has not submitted themselves to that law to live by it. No, I won't "agree" with what the person is doing with their life, but it is not my place to judge and I will live my life the way I see fit and allow them to do the same. I firmly believe that when people want the government to hold everybody to one particular doctrine we run into problems. Our government being one that called for separation of church and state (perhaps you've heard of it?), it is a two way street. The government agrees not to interfere with the church(es) and the church(es) were not intended to interfere with the government.

And I have had some fabulous gay friends that put some of my Christian friends to shame in how they acted in love and respect, being servants to people. But, that's not really what I'm getting at here.

I'm a bit nervous about posting this, as I'm not sure I've really made myself understood. My brain's been a bit fuzzy the past few weeks as I've had so much going on and haven't been sleeping well. All of these things have been coming up in conversation a lot lately for me and I am pretty passionate about being respectful to all people and their lives. I could say so much more, go into so much more detail...but I won't drive it into the ground.

That's what I think.

Here come the ABCs!

My brain is still a bit off-line. I haven't been sleeping well one little bit, if you have any suggestions for "getting to sleep" rituals, let me know. Medicine doesn't usually help me, so I need some tricks.

Anyway, my solution is to tag myself with this meme Nicole Antoinette posted. If you aren't reading her blog, shame on you, because I've mentioned it enough times here that you should have gotten the hint by now. I'm not going to tag anyone, because I always feel that someone should have the choice...free will and all. By tagging myself here, I give myself something to do that a) doesn't require too much brain power, b) is fun, c) might give me something to go over in my head a few times to maybe get me to sleep.

So here's my own personal alphabet:

A - Age: Twenty-three and 5/6ths (so old)
B - Band listening to right now: Well, none...the TV is on...but I have Maroon 5 in my head during commercials.
C - Career future: Becoming Snow White (i.e. the coolest princess ever), indie rockstar, and stellar fashion designer
D - Dad’s name: Wayne
E - Easiest person to talk to: The best friend Jenn, and then I'm blessed with a bunch of friends that are all really easy to chat with (and heaven knows, I talk a lot).
F - Favorite type of shoe: red
G – Grapes or Grapefruit: In fruit form, grapes. In juice form, grapefruit.
H – Hometown: Well I was born in Japan, whisked off to Ohio, then on to Germany, then South Carolina, then Panama City, Florida, now Orlando (with Alabama in between)...so which of those should I call "hometown?"
I – Instrumental talent: Instrumental to what? I know some guitar chords...
J – Juice of choice: Grapefruit.
K – Koala Bear or Panda Bear: Um...um...if I'm in Australia I'd want to see a koala, and if I'm in the Orient I'd want to see a panda.
L - Longest car ride ever: Panama City all the way to somewhere towards the middle of Mexico...not all at once, fortunately. Technically, it was a bus ride though...
M – Middle name: Leigh
N - Number of jobs you’ve had: Let's see, first the Gap, then Shipwreck Unltd., new city new job with Travel Country Outdoors, then secretarial work, then American Eagle, then Starbucks, followed by the daycare and Arbonne consultant (current). I think I'm leaving some stuff out as there have been quite a number of these types of things. And who knows what I'll do next?
O- OCD traits: You do not have the time.
P - Phobia[s]: Leeches, blood pressure cuffs (I'm getting better at handling those), yeah, those are weird.
Q - Quote: "I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from." -Eddie Izzard
R - Reason to smile: No. 34987332988347: D. is starting to say things that sound like real words.
S - Song you sang last: "Hey Jude," I sing it to L. when he gets upset and cries because it calms him down.
T - Time you wake up: I aim for about 5:30 because I tell myself I will get up and do a little yoga to greet the day and that type of thing...but I usually end up hitting snooze a few times and slowly stumbling out of bed around 6. But I absolutely cannot get out of bed with the clock on an uneven number, because what would happen to the children? Something bad, I'm sure.
U - Unknown fact about me: I have always been somewhat obsessive about the number twenty-three. I haven't seen that movie, or researched it much because as OCD as I am I know it might push me over the edge into "that crazy girl who doesn't talk about anything but a number and chews her hair." I don't chew my hair...but taking this thing with that number beyond me just happening upon it all the time might push me to it.
V - Vegetable you hate: Brussel sprouts, broccoli, and others.
W - Worst habit: Spending too much money with only a vague idea of how much of it I actually have. Yeah mom, don't say anything.
X - X-rays you’ve had: Uh, like, all of them...
Y - Yummiest food my belly likes: Hmm...so many goodies rushed into my head and I can't choose the best one! Vegan pizza is my ultimate comfort food, so we'll go with that (especially if it comes from Mellow Mushroom).
Z - Zodiac sign: Pisces...but I read recently that I was born on a cusp and that makes a difference somehow...

Next time won't you sing with me? You can pick the song next time...
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I've tried and tried and tried and tried,
but I know no concept of consequence,
and I'm a master of self defense...
-- Maroon 5

Brain. Dead.

I have no coherent thought.

Blahdegabbamundabo?

And now feel free to say the same thing I say to the babies when they look at me and say that precise sentence: "Really? Fascinating! Sure..."

answers

But these questions are so hard! Seriously, I should probably take even more time to think about them, but hey, I like to live life on the edge.

Deutlich: What's your one do-over moment? You know, the kind where afterwards you thump yourself on the head and ask, "Why did I just do that?!"

Oi, I have to pick just one? I think, ultimately anytime I said something that was false to who I am. I have done that a lot...and that is a bit of a vague answer...but those are the types of things that I really regret. It's those types of things that have kept people from really knowing me. It has happened a lot at times I'm really nervous around a stupid guy, and if I had just been totally and completely true to myself they would have actually liked me so much better (and perhaps, I wouldn't be quite so single). There is actually one in particular that comes to mind, and I just really wish I had been myself entirely around this guy because I think we would at least be much better friends than we are now. But, I was not long out of a bad break-up and had to rediscover that for myself a bit. Still...

Molly: What is the most beautiful drive you've ever taken?

I went to college eight hours away from my home. I didn't have my own car and so I had to find someone to take me with them or fly when the holidays came around. There was a girl in a couple of my classes that I knew lived in Daytona, which is only about an hour and a half away from Orlando, so I asked if I could ride with her and her sister and then have my parents come get me there. The first time around it was all three of us and I slept in the backseat pretty much the whole way (I tend to fall asleep and stay that way during all types of travel). But the second time it was just me and her, for eight hours, alone in the car together. We talked the whole time. We talked about everything, ranging from deep thoughts and ideas to complete silliness and goofiness. We ended up having so much in common and made each other laugh so easily that the eight hours flew by. And that happened every time we rode home and back together after that. I would say that second time when we were just the two of us was the most beautiful drive ever for me because that was the one where I got to know one of the most amazing women in my life. I've driven though a lot of different places, but that girl is my absolute best friend to this day and she knows me better than anyone. Nostalgic and kind of cheesy, yes, but I don't care.

Katelin: Who was your first kiss and would you kiss that person again?

Um...I don't really remember so it must not have been special. I think the first official kiss was probably during a "truth or dare" game and wasn't anything "serious." The first one I ever actually remember was the boy I dated a little bit in high school. It was really cute, I was mid-sentence because I talk so much and he went for it. It wasn't a big sloppy kiss, it was a nice little first one. I suppose I would kiss him again...but I don't know what he's like now because I haven't seen him in years so only if he's just as cool if not cooler than before.

Katelin: Have you ever been streaking? If so, where?

No, I haven't. I think the closest to streaking I would ever come to would be...um...nothing...I'm kinda boring that way.

Katelin: If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what movie would it be?

I can never answer these types of questions to my own satisfaction. At least you didn't say, "on a deserted island." Hmm...seriously, I've been sitting here for about twenty minutes pondering this question. I think I'm going to say...ah...dang it...um...Rent? Runners up: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Snow White, Enchanted, Empire Records, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, The Emperor's New Groove... I really hope that never happens to me and I really have to choose just one forever.

Larissa: What activity most invokes creativity in your life? And why?

Oh...everything. I think just the act of observation would be the one thing that invokes the creativity. I'm a really perceptive person, I feel like I notice everything. And everything gets me thinking. And once my brain goes off on a tangent things can get a little crazy. It's why I carry my journal with me everywhere, because I always need it to write down or sketch out things that I see or start thinking. I end up with all sorts of ideas all the time. I need to do better about getting them on paper and then following through with them though, because ideas not practiced aren't doing anybody any good. Excellent question.

Courtney: You want to move to London, so is there one specific thing about that city (a landmark, certain people, opportunities unique to it, etc.) that excites you most about the possible move?

Oh gosh, there's so much! Let's go with the things you listed, because that way I don't have to say just one thing.
A landmark - I think Big Ben really excites me because it's pretty much the big distinguishing landmark and all. However, personally, all the little places excite me even more. Places like the parks, pubs, markets, etc. Underground London, if you will, that only the real Londoners know has got to be the coolest part. Oh, and pretty much all the places seen in Doctor Who (she said with a sly smile).
Certain people - The locals! People with cool accents! Famous British people! And possibly...some sexy older British man to sweep me off my feet (she said with a laugh).
Opportunities - Because I plan to study fashion the opportunities in London make it one of the perfect places to study that. It's one of the big fashion cities alongside New York, Milan, and Paris. Plus, when looking at the "working world" there, it is a desirable location for the fact that unemployment there is very low and people "move up" in their jobs fairly easily (I did a little research).
Etc. - I've discovered over the past year quite the Anglophile in myself. I love the BBC, lots of my favourite actors are English, I spell a lot of my words that way because most of the types of books I've always read use that type of spelling (I seriously didn't know any better until middle school when we left Germany), I love the accents, and on and on.

Distracted Spunk: If you could ever relive one moment, what would it be?

Well there's the one I won't talk about (you know a girl's gotta have a few secrets). But I'd say the other one would be choosing to move to Orlando with my family before my senior year of high school. I often wish I had stayed in Panama City with a family there just for that year so I could have gone to school and graduated with my friends. I ended up in Orlando homeschooling, which I dropped out of to take my GED. I know a year is more than one moment, but the decision happens in a moment, I suppose.
A good one I'd like to relive and pretty much change nothing was being in my best friends wedding and seeing her so happy. She was standing by the door in all her splendour as we, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, were about to walk down the aisle and she was just beaming. It was awesome, the ceremony was perfect and everything was wonderful that day. It was one of those day full of moments like the happy scenes from Rent or the final We Go Together scene from Grease.

NicoleAntoinette: If you had to have a personal theme song for your life, what would it be?

I'm assuming you mean in the sense that it's the song that plays when I walk into the room...
I work well with top fives - in no particular order -
1. Crazy by Alana Davis
2. She by Elvis Costello
3. The Rock Show by Blink-182
4. Medication by Derek Webb
5. Twentieth Century Fox by the Doors

*List subject to change once I sit down and give it more serious thought than previously done. I take these kinds of questions very seriously. A friend of mine once told me that my song was Livin' La Vida Loca but I feel that I can do better than that with these...but that one might have fit too.

Chelsea Talks Smack: What makes you cry? Ya know that one thing, that no matter the time, place etc. you get a lump in your throat and can't help it.

Not much. I hate crying, really, really hate it. I've never been the type to cry in public or be moved to tears easily (or even not easily, whatever that means). However, if for some sadistic reason you wanted to make me cry right away you would have to...um...just get me really worked up and so frustrated and angry that I can't talk. Usually my family are the only ones capable of this when I feel like they just aren't listening and they do that one thing that I have asked not to be done five gajillion times up until that point and then I just snap and scream incoherently because I can't take it anymore. You would really have to commit to it if you wanted to make me cry "all of a sudden."

Chelsea Talks Smack: Betty or Veronica?

I say Betty, I don't think Veronica would like me very much. Betty would be cool and friendly as long as you weren't after Archie, Veronica would just act better than you no matter who you were.

Chelsea Talks Smack: Ginger or Maryanne?

I don't think I've ever actually watched an episode of Gilligan's Island, so I have to pick at random. I hear Ginger is the really nice one so we'll go with her. I'll bet we'd have fun.

Dana: What is your idea of the perfect church? I mean, obviously it isn't possible but if it was, what would it look like?

I read a story once about a man that was allowed to see both heaven and hell, guided by an angel. The angel took the man to hell first, where all the people were at a long table piled high with scrumptious, delicious looking food. But because all the people were chained and heavily shackled, they couldn't eat and looked absolutely miserable, skinny and starving. So then the angel took the man to heaven, where he saw the exact same thing, people at a big feast chained together. But this time all the people were laughing and smiling and full of joy, everyone looked healthy. The man told the angel he didn't understand, what made the people in heaven different so that they had such joy despite the chains and shackles? The angel told the man he needed to look closer. When the man did so, he saw that the chains allowed the people to feed the person next to them and everyone served their neighbor at the table, so everyone got to eat their fill. That's what I think of when I think of the perfect church, everyone serving one another and not consumed with themselves. Where the focus isn't on programs and "supposed to." A place that is really accepting and open...and not political. And everyone would be unafraid to bring their song, their words, their gifts to the table for worship because no one would say that they weren't allowed to use what they have as an act of glorifying God. It would be cool.

Amazing question...a little tough though!

Becka: If you could listen to one song on repeat for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Seriously, you of all people know that that is an unanswerable question! I couldn't do it, I would shrivel up and be no more.

Becka: Which runway fashion trend do you wish you could pull off in everyday life? (ie. socks with heels)

Other than being really tall and thin? I'd say...the colour yellow. I can't wear yellow, but I've loved so many of the things that I've seen in that colour and it was a bit of a trend.

Becka: What is your favorite quote or line from a movie and why?

"The opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation" - Mark, Rent. Yes, Rent, was on Broadway first, but it's a movie now too with ninety percent of the original cast so it qualifies completely. It's my favourite line because it's just...so true.

Runners-up:
"Oh, what are we gonna need the f****** rope for?" - Boondock Saints, because that part is so, so funny and shouldn't make me laugh the way that it does.
"Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes shut so tight" - That Thing You Do, I don't remember the name of the character, but Liv Tyler plays her. It's such a good "I'm sad we're breaking up, but you suck," break-up line. I can so relate.
"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams" - Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory...I always smile when he says that.
And, etc...

Wishcake: If you could reinvent yourself, what would you change?

I would be about two inches taller with less fat (more "tone" if you will). Really though, I think the main thing would be giving myself more of an ability to follow through on things. Like I said before, I tend to be more "idea" than anything. I think I'm getting a lot better at that, at least trying to be conscious of it. I'd also want to make myself completely devoid of stage fright and a little more outgoing (I'm not terribly shy, but I don't always go out of my way to meet people). Oh, and I'd be more funny.

Wishcake: What words or phrases do you overuse on a daily basis?

Seriously? I mean, I guess I say shut up, fairly often when I hear something crazy. And I am constantly shouting No! because I work with tiny humans...but I can't think of anything...

Wishcake: What is one of your silliest pet peeves?

Most of mine are probably really silly. One of the silliest is probably how much I hate when people just say "Panama City" for "Panama City Beach." They're right next to each other, but the beach is the beach and you have to cross a bridge from the city to get there. Just like Disney World isn't technically in Orlando, it's in Kissimmee, and I technically live in an Orlando suburb. Poor Geography education...it gets to me.

Wishcake: If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

That is tough, because I love every last piece of my name. If I had to change it, I would want it to be just as unique, let's do another top five (also in no particular order).
1. Adelie
2. Ophelia
3. Aster
4. Bryna
5. Stella

Wishcake: Mustard or mayo?

Mayo is gross (plus I really can't have it as a vegan), so mustard all the way...sparingly.
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That was tough, y'all. I should have done more top fives, because I'm quite fond of them (one of my favourite things about High Fidelity). Very good questions though. I would end on some song lyrics or something...but this post will be long enough without.

Because I'm spoiled rotten, that's why

Things I have decided I really do need. Especially if I'm on my way to London (which I think is looking pretty good...I hope...I pray).

- That MacBook I blogged about before...the one I desire. How else will I stay on top of all that artsy design homework and keep in touch with all of you lovelies? And I know that it would do what I want when I want, unlike this piece of junk that hates me (sentiments returned in full, evil machine).
- A digital SLR camera, preferably a Canon Rebel. Because you'll want pictures of everything I do, right? Plus, I was snapping away with my friend's last night (hers isn't a rebel, but it was fun) and I think I took some pretty nifty shots. I really wanted to take pictures of everything when it was in my hands and I decided it needed to be bumped back up to the top of the needs list (ok, fine, wants list).
- Cute pajamas/yoga wear/athletic wear. Because those types of clothing get ignored by me too much and I end up looking sloppy when I want to participate in those activities. And I am a person that is definitely motivated by what I'm wearing...oh, and I've been thinking I need a bathrobe too. And you know when you're living with a bunch of roommates, and you're a fashion design student, you don't want to be the one that doesn't have the right stuff to wear.
- New running shoes...but that's because mine are just worn out and not because they aren't pretty. The right shoe for running really is important.
- Pretty jewelry stands because all of mine just ends up in a tangled mess in this container I use, and with my resolution to invest in quality pieces (instead of lots of cheap ones) I don't like that.
- A good pair of sunglasses. I bought these fab ones from Target but they broke almost immediately, so now I'm thinking I should buy nicer ones and take care of them (which I suppose goes along with that resolution to buy quality things because it's more important than how much of it I have). And as much as I want these beauties from Cartier, I think I'll have to make it a smaller investment than that (I couldn't find a picture to use...).

And my dear friends that see me in real life, feel free to consult with our inner (and outer, whatever) circle to all chip in for something (I mean, especially those first two...) for my birthday next month. Just sayin'...

Don't worry, if these things don't find their way to me anytime soon, I won't throw my body against the floor and throw a whiny fit complete with choked sobs and shrieks of "NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME!" I know how to make do, but a girl can dream a bit if she's been making do for a long time.

This post brought to you by the I have other-more-serious-stuff to blog about but I'm avoiding it because it's an agonizing, scary process to blog about those things and I feel too weak to do it today.

wikilexis

I'd been thinking about doing this for a bit and then the lovely Distracted Spunk did it so now I'll be copying. But I mean, what do I mind if I'm compared to really cool people?

It's quite simple, ask me a question. Any question. I'll put together answers in another post later on. Ask more than one if you want.

Please make them interesting, I read most of your blogs and know that you're fascinating people so I'd be sorely disappointed if I got mundane questions (she said with a wink).

I'm debating whether to answer the questions in my next installment of 100 things about me, you'll just have to wait and see what happens.

And if you're someone that stops by on a regular basis but doesn't usually comment, please do so this time. The more questions the better and all the more fascinating it'll become.

Nifty, no?

It's that time again

I realized that I have a long way to go before I reach the hundred mark on the hundred things about me, so I figured I should do an installment soon. So, here we go.

Numbers 41-50 (Yay! Halfway!):

50. I think that gifts should have a lot of thought put into them, and the presentation of that gift is just as important. Gift bags and crumpled tissue paper disappoint me. And I appreciate gift cards, but they still kind of disappoint me. However, this not being everyone's forte, I try not to let any disappointment show because I am truly grateful and feel loved to receive it.
51. Twizzlers will probably always be my favourite candy. And no, I don't really care for Red Vines, I love Twizzlers. I mean, other candies have come and gone as flings and fleeting obsessions, but Twizzlers have proven that they can stick it out for the long run with me.
52. I'm a huge fan of moderation and balance, just not always the best practitioner
of them.
53. One of my romantic fantasies is to have one of those days that are done like montages in movies, there's a really good one in Loser(?) of all things. The days where the pair that are falling-in-love-without-knowing-it are running around a particular city doing all the little fun things, finding ways to do them for free. Usually, one of them is the whimsically free-spirited showing the other how to really live. In my head there's the music playing to complete the picture, because you can't have that scene in the movie without the right song. Also, if I have my way it will be somewhere foreign (or NYC).
54. Whenever I hear a female speaker (be it "motivational," or "church-related," or just on the street) say "Ladies, we have to stop comparing ourselves to one another," which has happened more than what I think should be normal. I think to myself, "That's not gonna happen," and immediately start running a list of the girls around me and how we compare. I know I'm beautiful the way I am, but seriously if that girl over there has beautifully toned arms that make mine look like soft twigs I'm going to take notice and mentally make a note to do more push-ups.
55. I have broken an alarm clock by throwing it across the room before. It didn't stop beeping so I had to throw it again.
56. I'm not a Republican, but I'm not a Democrat. Maybe my desire to move out of this country is somehow related to this type of thing.
57. I think if/once I move back overseas I might not come back here.
58. Even if I'm really hot at night I don't like to sleep without my comforter. I could be getting sweaty and have trouble actually getting to sleep and I won't want to kick off the covers. Hence my constant complaints that my dad keeps the thermostat too high (I mean, I sweat in the living room too...it's just at night that makes me whiny about it).
59. Everything I know about pop culture I learned from watching shows like I love the 80s, Best Week Ever, The Soup, and all that kind of stuff. I may not have watched or experienced those things, but I can probably remember enough for SceneIt or something.
60. I have the weirdest, craziest dreams. I don't know where they come from, but they are intense...really...really...strange things.

Until next time...
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If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. -- Edith Wharton

London calling

I've decided this is what I'm going to do. It's in that stage where it's mostly an idea that is forming a plan, as I can't call it an actual plan since I haven't actually gotten in to any schools but have a couple to apply to. It's at the point though, that I have made up my mind to follow through and make the plan and move to London and go to school and be the cool one who moved to London to study something she's passionate about.

I'm also getting ahead of myself a bit. You know when you first get the inkling to do something, and then you are sure it's what you want to do, how you get that kind of excitement where you start thinking of all the things that really could wait until later? Wait until all the other stuff gets sorted out, because you can't actually take care of these things until those things get taken care of?

For example, here's what I have started jumping forward to:
What kind of roommates will I have? Can I kind of ask to be put with others closer to my age? What kind of job will I get, 'cause I can't not have a job if I'm going over there a girl's gotta eat? Where am I going to go to church? I wonder what the best restaurants for my vegan ways will be. (Note: Already started perusing happycow.com) Will one of them turn into that place you can find me for lunch almost every day? Should I go ahead and get those tickets to see David Tennant with the Royal Shakespeare Company? I guess I'll be able to see him in whichever play I want to, do I want to see Hamlet or Love's Labour's Lost more? What should I take with me and what should I just wait and get there? Dang it...I won't be able to take all my books...or DVDs...thank goodness for the iPod situation or I'd be freaking about the CD issue.

Mingle all that in with the really practical stuff about getting the applications finished, getting a portfolio put together, finding my passport (probably getting that renewed) and applying for a visa, plane tickets, adding more loans to my not-tiny amount, and all that adds up for a lot of excitement in my brain. It's like a party in here.

And you know what? I'm not all that scared about it. Not all that worried. Eager and excited and hoping it all works out, yes. Because it's all coming together. I have something to work towards, a big tangible thing that makes sense.

I mean, plus, I really want to go.

Shouldn't you have it all figured out by now?

No! Now get out of my face. (Apparently I will be making a statement or asking a question in my titles that will be responded to in the first line of the post on a consistent basis from now on).

Nobody has it figured out. Nobody knows what the hell is going on.

I'm only twenty-three but I'm already twenty-three, you know? Oh, and I'll be twenty-four next month. And it shouldn't, but it strikes me with a feeling of dread that I'll be that old and not at all that close to accomplishing any of the things I dreamed up for myself as a youngster.

This does not mean I'm unhappy with myself. I'm really awesome. I still have room for improvement, but I don't mind that and I don't think anyone else is free of that either.

Here's something I've figured out, a B.A. in English doesn't really count for much when you start hunting down jobs. Maybe it's too general, as in it doesn't actually prepare you for a job. It prepares you for graduate school. Do I want to go to graduate school? Not particularly.

Here's what I've been pondering. I ponder a lot. Actually, my mind races about and jumps from place to place a lot. Much like a small animal that becomes excited for no apparent reason and you watch them run around your living room at a crazy pace, back and forth and back again. Or like the little orb in the pin ball machine, only going at a rate so fast you can't keep track of where it went or predict where it will go next. What? Oh yeah, my pondering:

Perhaps I will go back to school, only this time concentrating on something I've always considered doing and almost did before. That doesn't mean I have to go get a Masters, because another Bachelors would be just fine. I've always been really interested in fashion design and marketing and almost left my first school to enter a program to do that. I don't think I made the wrong decision to stay where I was, but now I'm thinking I could (or should) go for it. And I wouldn't necessarily have to start all over, with a lot of general knowledge classes under my belt some of the credits might still transfer or something. Plus, all of this could be done in London which is a very good place to study fashion. Now, where does all that talk from yesterday about singing and acting and writing fall into play? Well, London is a nice hub for the creative arts and I'm sure I could work something out.

It's a viable option, I already spoke with an advisor at a school there today.

There are a lot of options I suppose, so you know this isn't the final word on anything. Tomorrow I could have a completely different story.

But shouldn't I make my mind up already? Probably, but hey, I'm only twenty-three.

And as lame as this is, I was watching Friends earlier and all I could think was, "I can't be that abnormal, Rachel is totally based on the type of person that doesn't have this junk figured out. She's, what, twenty-five on this show in the beginning? Yeah, she's a character that is completely fictional, but there's no way they just pulled that material out of thin air, there's basis in reality somewhere. And Rachel "finds herself" and turns out to be a really successful, super-cool person. You're my inspiration, Rachel Green." I thought all that and decided that it's understood that this type of twenty-something is average. We're all characters that are just trying to figure it out and often have to stop, look around, realise some things need to be different, and change direction. Pleas note that I know Friends is just a T.V. show and my life can't be based on it, I was just considering how to use it as a learning device of some kind.

So if I end up at design school in London, working at Starbucks and turning things around, life will be swell. Because I will be positive that I'm taking action and being productive. Not shying away from making big changes because of my age. If I can't do it now I won't be able to do it when I'm middle-aged, or eighty-three neither.

That's life, sometimes you have to ignore the years and do something drastic. That's right, be drastic. Be bold. Be confusing. Keep people guessing.

My dad is going to be terrified. My tendency towards "free spiritedness" and "impulsiveness" and "change" freaks him out. But he also hates that I seem to be a bit aimless and without a big picture, so perhaps presenting him with a plan will ease his mind. Then again, probably not, I scare the crap out of that guy.

Here's the end, and from now on there may be more full songs as opposed to excerpts as the little pieces don't have the full impact (and it's so hard to choose which lyrics I want). This, of course, doesn't apply to quotes, just lyrics.

I ramble, so what?
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After years of expensive education,
a car full of books and anticipation,
I’m an expert on Shakespeare and that’s a hell of a lot
but the world don't need scholars as much as I thought.

Maybe I'll go travelling for a year,
finding myself or start a career.
I could work for the poor though I’m hungry for fame
we all seem so different but we're just the same.

Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat,
aren't things more easy with a tight six pack?
Who knows the answers? Who do you trust?
I can't even separate love from lust.

Maybe I’ll move back home and pay off my loans,
working nine to five answering phones.
Don't make me live for my friday nights,
drinking eight pints and getting in fights.

I don't want to get up, just let me lie in,
leave me alone, I'm a twenty something.

Maybe I'll just fall in love that could solve it all,
philosophers say that that’s enough,
there surely must be more. Ooooh

Love ain’t the answer nor is work,
the truth eludes me so much it hurts.
But I’m still having fun and I guess that's the key,
I'm a twenty something and I'll keep being me.
-- "Twentysomething," Jamie Cullum

It's too laaaate...

Not really. It's not too late. You're probably not even holding it against me. I have no excuses for not having any real posts lately. All I can say is that I've been a bit blocked.

The odd thing is, I have quite a few drafts of things I've been meaning to share. I am not a draft kind of person, that's why it's odd. I usually sit down and write something and it's good to go. But these drafts are all about half-done, I write the half and then forget where I was going or don't like how it's working so I actually save it and decide to come back to it later. I know that's no different than the way most people work...but it's a total deviation from my normal method. Crazy, I tell you.

I don't even have anything to really be distracted by. Maybe the monotony is distracting. Maybe the fact that I don't feel active in my own life right now is distracting. I'm a firm believer in doing things in your own life, nothing can happen for you if you're sitting on the couch or watching other people jealously. And right now? I'm sitting on the couch wondering what the f*** to do with myself while I watch other people live.

Perhaps it's like a hibernation period, because I'd be lying if I said I'm doing absolutely nothing. Maybe I'm storing up energy for when I need it because everything will get turned upside down and around and inside out at a point in the near future.

But the taking action thing is haunting me a bit. I hate feeling complacent, feeling stagnant. So 2008 needs to be a year of doing. I'm not talking resolutions in the traditional sense, I think you set yourself up for failure that way. I'm talking resolution in the sense that I need to get convicted about what I know needs to happen. Write down some goals and go for them because I will regret it if I stay still.

I'm a mover. I love change, I adore it. I get itchy when I've been in the same place too long, doing the same things, looking out at the same scenery everyday. Routine makes me go a little crazy. But I can't sit around and wait for the Doctor to show up and hitch a ride with him for adventures, now can I?

So here are my convictions, the goals I am mustering up the resolve to accomplish (the top three, anyway):

- Lose the extra fifteen pounds of fat that have taken up residence around my middle. I know this is the classic New Year's resolution, and I'm going to sound like every other girl that hates what she sees in the mirror. But I'm really uncomfortable physically, and the fact that those pants that used be kind of big on me are now a little tight doesn't help. Unfortunately, if I'm really going to do this I need to bust out the weights and actually do some strength training...which is my least favourite exercise. I love to run, I love to swim, I love to do cardio, I love to run up and down the soccer field, but put weights in my hands and I will whine like a spoiled baby. But you have to build muscle to burn fat and really get in shape. Plus, a healthy lifestyle can't be contained to the way I eat.

- Follow through with things. I have ideas, lots of them. I have thoughts, lots of them. Do I anything about it? Not very often. For example, I've thought about moving to London a lot over the years (the language is close enough to the one I'm already fluent in that the adjustment could be easier, among many other reasons). When mom and I started planning our trip I wandered onto some other sites and looked at some info about moving there and what it's like to live there and it made me want to do it even more. In line with my new determination to be more active, I started looking at job listings too. I already applied for one and I have some more saved that I need to do something about. I get really excited thinking about the possibilities and I'm more certain that ever that I want to make something happen to get me to London, visa in hand. There are lots of other little projects and things that are really good ideas and those need to see some action too.

- Use my talents. I'm a talented woman. I'm not bragging, I'm just being honest. I'm really grateful for the gifts I've gotten, but I never really use them. I can sing my heart out, I can act my way out of more than one paper bag, and when I put my mind to it I can write some seriously good stuff (those being the three things I usually shy away from). Something I do know is that I can't just say that or bank on what comes to me naturally, I need to hone the skill. I should take classes, I should listen to people that do those things and take what they have to say to heart. So I suppose the goal here is to do something with what I have and work towards what I can get out of using my creative skills.

I am not usually afraid of adjusting things to make me a better me, although I am thrown a little too much by setbacks at times. I grew a lot in 2007 as a person and in 2008 I want to make things happen around me. I want to get out there and find the job that will take me where I want to go. I want to take my business to greater levels. I want to make myself available for a man that I could live without but won't want to. If 2007 was a foundation of personal growth, 2008 will bigger and better.

I'll let you know when I wake up and break out of the funk I'm in, I think it will be soon because I'm getting restless.
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This is a call to the color-blind
This is an IOU
I'm stranded behind a horizon line
Tied up in something true

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

Why is it not my time?
What is there more to learn?
Shed this skin I've been tripping in
Never to quite return

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for
Cause I'm bigger than my body now

Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines
And it might be over in a second's time
But I'll gladly go down in a flame
If the flame's what it takes to remember my name

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry
For my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body now
-"Bigger than My Body," John Mayer