Paper Wings

Moved!

2008-05-15T19:26:00.000-07:00

It's true...now you should go here to find me:

Enjoy. :)

Getting Back to Me

2008-05-13T11:35:00.000-07:00

Today I am not doing anything at all.

I slept in late and stayed in bed even when I was somewhat awake, drifting in and out. Smiled when I got the "Good morning babe. Heres to your day being perfectly relaxing." text I got. And then finally rolling out of bed around noon, when I decided I really wanted a peanut butter sandwich.

It's been pretty much perfect.

I have been working so much lately, there was literally not a day I didn't have a bunch of work or commitments on my plate for almost three weeks. Not a single day off among them.

I have been tired, stressed, and on the verge of drastic behaviour for awhile.

So I quit my job at the daycare, Wednesday was my last day. I was sad to leave, but very relieved at the same time. It was the right thing to do. Just one job for me now.

I've been wanting a day to just do as I please. Nothing required of me, allowing myself to procrastinate for just one day. To not even think about all the little things that need to get done that I haven't had a chance to do because of all the big things I was having to do.

Tomorrow I'll get lots of little stuff done. And tomorrow I'll tell you all about the other stuff going on (relationships, London, introspection, etc.).

Today, I am recharging. I am staying away from anything that might drain my energy or frustrate me. I'm listening to myself and following my own whims (even though I'm not very whimsical today, laid-back more than anything). That's it.

See you tomorrow...

Insanity

2008-04-28T14:35:00.000-07:00

I have been working, really and completely literally, every single day and will be until Saturday. And even when I am not working, I have things to do and people to see...Saturday the little brother is graduating and all that fanfare will occur.

And then there's the guy. He's pretty much fantastic and we are loving every minute of being together...

So, this is just a briefing to say that I have lots to tell you and beautiful things to write about but I have really not had the time (and well, haven't had much ambition to when I'm off hanging out with him).

So, lovelies, I'll talk to you soon...

;)

Here Come the 123s...

2008-04-15T15:01:00.000-07:00

Or 71, 72, 73s...

More stuff you never felt the need to know about me!

71. I have this paranoia about throwing things I'll need away. Not in that way that people end up with all this stuff they don't need in their house all pack-rat like, but I literally mean, "Oh crap, that was my phone that went in the trash with all the other stuff I just threw away." I always make double sure that my keys are in my pocket when I go to take trash to the dumpster, etc.

72. I have things on my mind all the time to add to this list that seem to float away from my remembrance the minute I sit down to write an installment...

73. I will go to pretty much any live show someone invites me to or I happen to stumble upon. I adore live music, and if the music isn't all that good...it's still live music and it makes me happy. I don't think anything will change that ever (not that I'd want it to).

74. I have a new best guy friend that I'm not sure how I got along without. He's tons of fun and his name is G. The coolest thing about him is that I don't ever feel like I need to explain myself, I can say the craziest things that just pop into my head and he gets it. Basically, he's like the male version of yours truly...scary, yes. People keep asking if we're dating, and the answer is no because we're that much alike.

75. I own Backstreet Boys imports, you know, the CDs that have different songs on them because they were released in Europe and not here...this is more of a confession than anything. I was big into them for awhile...and I still like them (this will be used against me now, I know...).

76. Sometimes it takes me forever to open my mail. It just collects in a pile until I remember I need to open those envelopes and see what's going on.

77. I have been known to just buy new underwear instead of doing laundry because I didn't have any clean ones for the next day...often.

78. I'd much rather let someone else drive on most occasions. However, there are only a handful of people that I can sit back and not tell them what to do the whole time or make comments on what they're doing. In other words, there are only a couple I won't hesitate to hand my keys to if I don't want to drive and I trust them.

79. Dishonesty is kryptonite to any type of relationship I'm in, friends, family, or boyfriends. I hate when people lie to me or aren't completely honest about what's going on. I tend to shut down when people do that to me and it may be the one thing that prevents me from reaching out to someone. I just don't deal with it.

80. I hit the lock and unlock buttons about a zillion times before and after I get out of the car. Because, you know, I have to be absolutely sure I locked or unlocked the car.

That's all for today, lovelies. See you next time...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And baby girl you so may-ja'

They should front page-ya

God bless the parents that made ya...

-- Fabolous, "Make Me Better"

Things I Am Excited About Tonight:

2008-04-10T16:49:00.000-07:00

(In no particular order).

The Office is all new

Tofutti and reisling all for me

Two new magazines to read

The house all to myself

Anticipation of good things tomorrow

My MacBook Pro (still)

Being me (always)

Little Post, Big Thoughts

2008-04-08T15:30:00.000-07:00

So I just realized that I start a lot of sentences with "so."

Anyway...I'll be posting a tad hastily today because I have about thirty minutes before I have to leave my trusty spot at the Drunken Monkey and be somewhere else. It will be a nice change though as I hope the next spot is warmer (ice cold air conditioning and a vegan milkshake do not make for a toasty Alexis). I do wish I had a bit more time because I've got a lot on my mind and nowhere to put it.

Have I mentioned how very delicious the vegan milkshakes at Drunken Monkey are? They're amazing.

On to the big stuff.

So (See? There I go again) I posted recently about the loneliness that creeps up on me, and while that still rings true I feel the need to point out that I'm not one to settle. I'm actually incredibly picky and it takes a lot to wow me into forming a crush or getting an inkling of like. I pretty much know what I'm looking for, and if I don't see it you're out of luck.

I also don't really plan on jumping head first into a crazy relationship just because I don't like being all alone. Especially because, hello, I've got approximately six months to go before I've moved to another country. And while the moving to another country thing hinders a few things, I don't think it ruins my chances of starting something here before I go (iSight and iChat exist for a reason). I bring this up because someone mentioned it to me the other day in context of "What will you do if...?"

What will I do?

I will hope that the person is worth making long-distance work, that's what I'll do. Because that's one of a few options. The others being...break up or he can frickin' move to London. Basically, as to wondering if I fell madly in love with someone in six months and they asked me not to go I know that I'd say they shouldn't have asked and then get on the plane.

As much as I would love to be in a relationship, I can't manage to not be irritated at the thought of my whole life revolving around one. I lost my individuality and lost sight of myself with the last one I was in and I very much refuse to allow that to happen again. A good relationship allows that other person to be who they are and do what they have to do. The process of getting back to myself after that messed up relationship (it didn't start off that way, but it went sour the closer it got to the end) was just so long and draining and I wouldn't want to do it again...especially because that would mean getting myself into another relationship that has to end because it's bad in order to get to the point of needing to get over it. It would be a vicious cycle and you see where I'm going with this.

Anyway...I have to go but that's been on my mind and I wanted to get it out because, my dear readers, I know quite a few that empathised with that loneliness post and I want you to know that you should not have to sacrifice yourself in order to get rid of loneliness. Plus, just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you won't end up feeling lonely sometimes anyway...

Mwah! I'll write something more eloquent soon...

Hey, y'all!

2008-04-03T17:36:00.000-07:00

I hope I'm back with a vengeance. My Macbook Pro arrived via FedEx today and it's so pretty.

I know it's not just pretty, it has so much more to offer. I can't wait to have it fully set up with everything. I need to get a bunch of stuff transferred and taken care of, but I've been getting all the little things done.

It's terribly exciting.

So, hopefully regular posting will resume and I'll be blowing your mind with the literary magic I spin here.

Mwah!

Bad News Good News

2008-03-25T06:53:00.000-07:00

Bad News

My computer died. I can't get into it to access anything I need, which is all mostly online. I'm typing this up on my dad's awful laptop. Is it just me, or is it just not the same using someone else's computer? You don't have everything set up the way you like and you can't play with it the same way you use yours. It's just weird and you never end up spending as much time on it as you do your own. Anyway...my computer crashed and isn't worth repairing.

So...

Good News

I'll be ordering my new Macbook this week. And that, my friends, is what we call excitingjoyhappinesseuphoriarelief. I will be a tad giddy when it arrives, just to warn you.

And if I'm not as quick in responses or reading blogs or anything that involves prolonged access to a computer, I apologize.

Not ashamed...

2008-03-22T17:52:00.000-07:00

...that I really like when my parents leave me the house for at least one night alone.

...of how much I truly love my friends.

...of how much I love to dance.

...that sometimes, I make mistakes. Big, small, whatever...everyone does and we live and move on.

...to say that I think I'm really awesome.

...of working hard and playing hard.

...that I love The Boondock Saints so much.

...to say that, no, I am not good with money. Fiscally responsible? Sorry, not me.

...of my amazing skills. In the kitchen, in various creative departments, in wit, in...well...a lot of stuff.

...of my family. They be crazy, but they make me laugh, find me hilarious (most, anyway), and are always there for me when I need them.

...of hanging out by myself at home, drinking a little wine and getting actual rest that I've been missing (have I mentioned how little sleep I've gotten the past few weeks due to the work hard/play hard philosophy I seem to live by?).

...that my fantasy-crush on Hyde (yeah, a fictional character) is...intense.

...that music is my bliss.

...of wanting to get married sooner or later, without being in a huge rush...just, you know, before I'm thirty would be nice.

...of my love for European literature.

...that I stress myself out about my weight too much (I'm a girl, it's what we do).

...that despite this stress I put on myself, I find quite a few physical features that I know to be simply fantastic. I'm hot.

...of being a vegan. Seriously? All my health issues I used to have? So not a problem anymore.

...that I think history is fun to read about.

...of who I am.

...to say that I've run out of things to say...

jumbled

2008-03-18T15:36:00.000-07:00

I must apologize for not being around much as of late.

I can tell you that there are all sorts of things that I'd love to tell you, but none of which I can really articulate. Basically, all this stuff is going on in my head and I'm having trouble putting it into words.

Until then, someone should come and sing this to me, I couldn't find a good video so you'll have to make do with lyrics (one of my all time favourite songs):

Oh, my heart is a thoroughbred
I can't sleep in my bed
Everything is burnin' up inside me
I need somethin' I can feel
Cigarettes and a driving wheel and
Oh, my god, when you cross your legs beside me...

I know true love don't love like anybody else
I know your heart don't beat like anybody else

When it all comes down to kerosene
And sorry signs on cash machines
And it don't look like anything you've dreamed of
I won't let you give it up
With sorry sighs and forced bad luck
Come on baby, let's see what we're made of...

I know true love don't love like anybody else
I know your heart don't beat like anybody else

And all these burnin' battlefields are now behind us
Life has brought us here together to remind us
That love will rise above it all and just keep growin'
Life keeps flowin', and every moment starts right here with us...

I know true love don't love like anybody else
I know your heart don't beat like anybody else...

(Mason Jennings, "Sorry Signs on Cash Machines")

Friday Night

2008-03-08T19:10:00.000-08:00

It's been raining quite a bit here in the Sunshine State. That's actually fine by me, as I happen to love the rain (especially here where it's not the cold, biting rain, but just kind of chilly rain that feels good between the hot days).

Last night was rainy and the roads were wet, and I had to be on them. Usually, my favourite thing about rainy days is staying in, taking a nap if it's during the afternoon, or getting the best kind of sleep at night. But I was babysitting for my boss and was forced to brave the weather.

As I took a curve underneath an overpass I notice some cop cars under it and slowed down a bit, as I realized my speed might not be the best under the wet circumstances. A little nervous as I thought maybe they caught me going too fast. Sure enough, they pulled onto the road right after I passed, and I started muttering "Oh crap, please don't pull me over, please don't pull me over..."

But then the lights came on right behind me and I won't pretend that what I said wasn't worse than "crap."

The officer came over and asked for the license, registration, and insurance (How lucky was it that my dad had just handed me the new registration that morning before I left for work? True.). He then helped me find the insurance card, as I had no idea what I was supposed to be looking for. Seriously, I barely remember the one and only other time I've been pulled over and so I couldn't remember what I was supposed to give him. So he watched me fumble a bit and gave him the right insurance stuff that was right where it was supposed to be with the manual.

Then he asked if I knew why he'd pulled me over.

"I was speeding...?" In the kind of helpless, meek, I-don't-come-here-often, type of voice because I was pretty panicky on the inside.

"You were going about 70 in a 55."

I give him the, "HolycrapI'msosorryIdidn'trealize" eyes, kind of stammer, "I didn't...I must not have been paying attention...I..."

"The highway slows down from 65 to 55, do you travel on this highway regularly?"

"I don't really ever come down this far..."

"Where are you headed?"

"I'm supposed to babysit, near _______"

"When was the last time you got pulled over?"

Sincerely wracking my brain, because it has been a long time, "Um...like...a year or two ago...?"

Then I waited nervously as he went back to the squad car to determine my fate, knowing I was going to die if I got a ticket. But, I thought, he practically handed me my excuse (even though I wasn't lying when I answered his questions, it was all true)...maybe I'll just get a warning. But, I thought, I was going way over the speed limit there and maybe he's not allowed to just give me a warning if I'm going that fast.

He came back and asked me who was in the military. I told him how my mom was retired Air Force, and he told me he was giving me a warning. I was so relieved, I thanked him. He asked me to be more careful as the roads were wet and you know, bad things could happen.

And then I was so thrown off guard I forgot to use my turning signal when pulling back onto the road.
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I'm not drunk, I wanna go home, officer
It's been a long road and I feel awful
I'm not drunk, I wanna go home, officer
And that's all, that's all, that's all

With a warning I check my wipers and defog
I notice my mind is on the floor
But I must move onward

So I pick a song and I sing along
While lofty dreams dance on and on
Over a place I'll live forever

I'm not drunk, I wanna go home, officer...
-- Kate Earl, "Officer"

There's Always An Explanation

2008-03-06T20:30:00.001-08:00

My parents are looking at getting another, inexpensive car/truck to get me so that my mom can have her car back (someone rear-ended me last July and wrecked my trusty Tacoma, Galahad). Basically, they're get something cheap at auction that they could resell when I move off to another country.

My mom called me today from the auction to tell me the options they might bid on:

Mom: This Chevy was pink.
Me: What? Like...what kind of pink?
Mom: Well not like pepto-pink, but kind of a hot pink...
Me: Seriously?
Mom: Well is it has really great mileage on it...
Me: Yeah, because someone was probably too embarrassed to drive it around!

I name all my cars, and I feel that if I got a pink truck not only would I have to suffer the teasing torture of every male friend I have (and girls too, yeah) but I would also have to name it something like, "Frenchie." I don't know how I'd deal with a pink truck I called Frenchie...

Luckily, there's another one in white...

The Lover Without a Lover

2008-03-05T14:43:00.000-08:00

All the kiddos (well, the two of them that were there today) were down for their naps when I initiated a very short conversation over text messaging:

Me: I should so be in therapy.
Becks: Because of the kids?
Me: No, just 'cause I don't make sense.
Becks: LOL

But it's true. I don't feel like I make sense. And I'm blaming it on being lonely.

I was never very good at being lonely. I always wanted the closeness of another person. Before I had experienced it I just longed to know what it was like, and after knowing it I just really miss it. I always feel like I have a well of love that can't be emptied and want someone to give it to (just not in a smothering kind of way). And a huge part of me gets a little irritated by it when the only words I have to describe it are cheesy and make me feel really, really vulnerable just putting them out there. I've always wanted to get married and have kids and care for my husband and babies. It's always been a natural thought process that I could do that, that I desired it and not much else.

I have it on good authority that I make an excellent girlfriend and those authorities inform me I'll make a fantastic wife. The Ex himself would still tell you that to this day (and so would his mother). One of his friends that has become a good friend to me detailed to me once in an e-mail why seeing me be that girl that's really cool and fun on her own but also goes all out for the guy she's with made me so attractive. It was the first time someone expressed to me from pure observation reasons I should be a coveted partner. (And I am not with that guy who said those things now because? Because I can't return any sentiment to him beyond "I treasure your friendship.") It made me cry because I was feeling the loneliness, because of the truth in the words, and because I didn't know why there wasn't someone I wanted to be with that saw and loved those things. I don't cry easily or often, so that was uncomfortable.

I haven't let the loneliness have any spotlight for awhile. Meaning I just haven't allowed it to be around. I've been on dates, or even just spent time with guys I might be interested in that might have been interested in me. When it didn't work out I didn't give it much thought, not to say I didn't feel a little twinge wishing it could have. I was doing really well "dealing with singlehood." Perhaps that had to do with all the other things I felt going on in my life. Or it was enough that I was putting myself out there.

Or I struggled with wanting something and being afraid of it at the same time. Cautiously keeping my heart on my sleeve where it's always been and hoping I'd meet someone with a guarantee that I could let myself fall in love with.

I told you I don't make sense.

I don't make sense because I find myself in this world the feelings and emotions have made up in my head. And I feel like a pathetic fourteen year old girl that thinks her romantic fantasies will play out exactly the way she dreams them up. I can't stand the part of me that has ridiculous daydreams about a guy that I know won't be around and I won't have. I don't want to spend my time thinking on perfect scenarios that will never play out in the real world.

I am not saying that I'm wanting to be realistic in the sense that I'll settle for whoever asks me first. I'm just saying my make believe world is fit for movie magic and I am not so naive as to think I will be living out The Notebook.

Parts of me are fighting with each other and all of them are angry with Loneliness. There were several opinions against writing this post as it makes us out to be whiny and too much of a stereotypical girl...or something like that.

What it boils down to is me cuddled up under my big comforter at night, surrounded by two regular pillows, four smallish ones, my trusty blanket, holding Bear, who I've had since I was two, and feeling cold. Because there are no strong arms there, no shirt collars that smell of smoke, and no steady breathing matching mine. No warmth.

And don't mistake this for a simple need for an extra body in my bed. I crave intimacy that knows to leave me to myself when I need to cry for one of the three or four times a year that I do. Intimacy that has inside jokes and secrets no one else knows. That is quiet and doesn't require a lot of talk, but is full of laughter and silliness. That tries to understand the system set up for the closet and my processes that can't be interrupted when getting ready in the morning. That doesn't need to say "I love you" out loud for it to be known. That can take me on in a fight, call me out for being stubborn or ridiculous, can accept that in return, and knows not to "just let me win." Intimacy that isn't shy in thought or emotion but doesn't run around shouting things off of mountaintops or skyscrapers.

There's so much to say about it. I just have so many moments lately where it's washing over me and I feel heavy with a longing to love someone like that.

So now I'm exposed and you know my secret. One that I don't usually like to talk about, anyway. I blogged in a moment of weakness...
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You don't need to change
a thing about you, babe,
I'm tellin' you,
from where I sit you're one of a kind.
Relationships, I don't know why,
they never work out and they make you cry,
but the guy that says goodbye to you
is out of his mind...
-- Griffin House, "The Guy that Says Goodbye to You is Out of His Mind"

Now what?

2008-03-04T18:39:00.000-08:00

I was ready for an argument. I was ready to listen to someone tell their side but stand my ground anyway. I knew we thought differently, I know we have different approaches and don't always see things the same way. I knew he'd have good arguments and I'd need to be ready to counterpoint with my own brilliant logic.

I was prepared for the possibility that things could get a little heated, and that I'd be getting just angry enough to say things that aren't very nice. That I would get frustrated and flustered the way I do when things turn into raised voices and tempers flaring a little bit. That I might say those things you always want to but won't unless they come out in that heated moment (I was actually kind of hoping that they would).

And then he had to throw me off by being all rational and making sense and calmly acknowledging where he'd gone a tad wrong. That jerk.

So I had to respond in kind, and have a nice, civil conversation where we actually got things pretty much sorted out between us. At least enough to ensure we're still friends and will continue to be for what will hopefully be a nice, long time.

Or something like that.

Now I want to build up to a tiny yelling match with someone...

Who says you need to know how to count?

2008-03-03T14:25:00.000-08:00

Because of poor planning on my part, I haven't actually done a good job of numbering my 100 things posts. So the numbers didn't add up right because I wasn't keeping track very well. To correct this, I've started adding them to another document so I can see them all laid out (I'm a bit visual, so that helps me) and now I have them corrected. But I ended up with one extra, I guess I did eleven one post where the plan was to do ten every time. To even it out I'm going to do nine this time and then proceed from there.

Ironically, one of the things on that list is how I never even tried to learn things related to math in school...

Here we go, numbers 62-70:

62. I failed Chemistry twice in high school, and I really tried to understand it. Did. Not. Get. It. I felt like they just explained it the same way every time and I was all, "Dude, I am not understanding this and I need you to find a way to speak to me..." But they didn't, so I failed. Both times. When I had to take it in college I signed up for an on-line course and my brother basically did it for me. I got a B.
63. I have been called a tease on many occasions. I am always really surprised when this happens.
64. I'm a musical freak. I love them. I could sing you the whole Rent and Wicked soundtracks and do well with many others. Note that my favourites are those with Idina Menzel originating roles (Maureen and Elphaba, respectively) because, seriously, I adore her. She's amazing. I was that kid that sang and danced along to every movie and soundtrack (and still am, actually).
65. I really can't stand when you leave someone a message and they don't even acknowledge that they received it. It's probably one of my biggest pet peeves. I had to explain this to a friend recently in a "Hey, I know you're busy, I'm just lettin' you know that if I get snarky with you about you not calling me back, that's why..." kind of way. I think those were close to my exact words. Because, seriously, it's so rude.
66. I was also raised with the understanding that trying to talk to someone who is on the phone with someone else is pretty much an unwritten deadly sin. Apparently, not a lot of other people know this.
67. I don't like skinny guys. I mean really, why would I want to be with you if you make me look fat by comparison? Ok, so I'm not that shallow, I just really like strong, comfy shoulders and not little, pointy ones.
68. I have only had one actual boyfriend and he didn't come along until I was twenty. I had dated before, but the Ex was the only one that took me on quasi long term. We don't talk anymore.
69. My nails grow really fast and it irritates me because I like them short and hate taking the time to sit down and clip/file them down.
70. I avoid bookstores because I know there isn't a chance I won't spend money if I go in them. It's one of those love/hate things. I have a huge stack of stuff to read and have no business adding to it, but there are so many more books that I need to own. I can usually justify buying a poetry book because it's not like I sit down and read through them the way I do a novel, hence needing to avoid the bookstore.

Ok, this section of the list was a little hurried. But I've been wanting to start posting regularly again and also get this list finished, so there you go.

I love you all, really, I do.
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I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day,
I love 'til it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place,
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
but I pray anyway..."
-- Idina Menzel, "I Stand"

P.S. Look up Idina. She's married to Taye Diggs and if I had idols, she's be number one.

Oh yeah, I said that...

2008-03-02T18:17:00.000-08:00

Remember when I was all, "Sorry guys, regular posting will resume at some point when the schedule evens out and I feel less crazed?"

Yeah well, that hasn't really happened yet.

However, I've been lurking a lot. Trying to keep up with all those lovely blogs out there that I adore. Reading, not commenting, so let me just say that all of you are doing a great job and you should keep it up.

Also, Mr. and Mrs. Smith is a super-cool movie. I forgot how much I love it.

long-ago-promised pictures

2008-02-26T14:39:00.000-08:00

Remember those crazy stripper heels that I told you about? I almost forgot that I got the pictures and needed to let y'all see 'em:

Moi (above) and Becka (below).

Those things were six or seven inches and I totally worked it. Please excuse the crazy background items...

I'm back!

2008-02-26T14:18:00.000-08:00

I turned twenty-four on the twenty-third, and while I'd like to say that my posts from here on out will be reflecting that with newfound wisdom and greater maturity but I just can't bring myself to do that to you.

I didn't really want to turn twenty-four. It wasn't an issue of feeling old (because, hello, it's not old until next year when I'm all "oh no, I'm almost to thirty and I'm going to die..."). Basically, twenty-three was just a really good year, I really liked being twenty-three. It was cool, I turned twenty-three on the twenty-third last year and that was awesome and I thought nothing would be as special on this year's birthday.

I know, I make no sense and I'm a weird-o.

But, this birthday was almost too much fun. Because this year there was continual celebration, hanging out with friends and having them buy me lunch or a drink the week of. And then not one, but two crazy-good-time parties over the weekend (and I mean very crazy-good-time). It's possible that I did a few things that were not the kinds of things I would normally do, but I think birthdays do that to you. One of my friends did a keg-stand on her last birthday, and that is definitely not something she would do most days of the year (no, I didn't do a keg-stand...my parties were out on the town so there wouldn't have been an opportunity even if I had wanted to).

I really don't think I would change anything. I had a fabulous time, with fabulous people.

The past couple of weeks have been really busy with all of the birthday festivities, training at the new place of employment, and other random acts of my life, so I haven't been able to keep up with all the blogging activities lately. I'm hoping to catch up on all the regular reads though and make time to post more often!

A week?

2008-02-20T20:59:00.000-08:00

A week from my last post? I am actually really surprised, I've totally been neglecting all the blogging activities I love.

I've just been super busy and the schedule has been all over the place. Once it evens out and gets steady again I'll be back full force, promise!

On Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T16:43:00.000-08:00

While you might think, that as a single gal, I might be ready to rail against the "day of love" and all the happily matched couples I see day to day. You may have thought that I'd be all "Valentine's Day is the bane of my existence as the last single girl in my circle of friends."

But, my dear friends, I am not.

I simply sit here, after a long day of sitting at Panera training for the Apple store, sipping wine and watching TV with my mother. Today was long mostly because I am still recovering from being so-sick-I-thought-I-was-dying and the wine is good because it was a long day and my mom and I are able to drink it because my father is absent (no wine with dad in the house, story to come later...maybe).

And I don't hate Valentine's Day today, for so many reasons.

One being that, well, I almost forgot it was today -- until my (guy) friend came into work and jokingly told me another guy was going to be his Valentine.

Two being that I'm just not a huge fan of the day on the flip-side, when I'm in a relationship. I just remember that V-Day was just a lot of pressure. Pressure to have the "perfect date" and get the sweetest gift. It robbed it of fun, which is the core of romance for me. It was nice, but lacked the spontaneity that I also find necessary to romance, to enjoying the love and care you have for the lover you're sharing it with.

It was just another day, but with a bunch of stress attached for no real reason.

So I suppose you could say that I'm just indifferent to the whole "holiday."

And one day, when I am once again attached to a guy, we will agree to just have fun on February fourteenth. We will exchange gifts that will not exceed the agreed limit of five dollars, order pizza and watch Die Hard. Because if it's a day all about love, it should be spent with someone you love with things you love. No pressure.

Besides, my birthday is nine days after Valentine's Day and is much more important. Save your money.

Things I Learned From My Mother

2008-02-13T06:59:00.001-08:00

Laugh often and when you do, don't hold back with girlish giggling or chuckling under your breath. Laugh loud, heartily, and with your whole body.

Standing up does not require walking out. Strength and beauty are revealed in what it takes for you to stay, more often than not.

Change is the responsibility of the one who needs it, and you should not twist yourself into knots in order to work around someone who won't.

If you got it, flaunt it.

Being true to yourself is always more important than doing what is popular. Real friends might be fewer that way, but they will be better in quality.

Whining is annoying and unattractive.

You are always capable of more than you think.

Power tools are fun.

Ask questions, always (although, teaching us to question everything probably backfired a little).

There are really only a select number of people that can tell you what to do, so don't take orders from just anyone.

Wine cannot solve any problems, but it does provide a temporary solution. Because some days need an ending with a glass of wine.

"Help" is not that kind of four letter word.

Independence is sexy.

When you do anything, do it right. On time, efficiently, and to the best of your ability.

Never apologize for being yourself, however free-spirited, sarcastic, opinionated, spontaneous, lacking in seriousness, or somewhat crazy that may be.

There's a reason cars have turning signals.

Trying something new, be it food, adventures, or relationships, always deserves a fair shot.

Just don't tell your father.

Oh, Mr. Darcy

2008-02-10T19:07:00.000-08:00

Colin Firth did it the best. I haven't even seen the new Pride and Prejudice because I am so attached to the old A&E version, with Mr. Firth among others. And I am watching the old favourite right now, wishing I talked like that and could be fancy everyday. I have to admit that I'm actually most partial to Colonel Brandon from Sense and Sensibility in character, though.

Alas, I sit here on the couch once again attempting to suppress my body's apparent desire to hack up a lung and have my sinuses implode (fantastic image, no?). Because, my friends, I think I have contracted emphysema, the black lung, or both. Maybe it's the plague? Or influenza? Or pneumonia? No, it's just another upper-respiratory infection with sinus pressure, like always. Like I always get when I've been incredibly stressed, my immune system is taking a vacation, and at least one child at work has been sick. Still, it's not like I don't wash my hands frequently or have started a habit of rubbing snotty Kleenex all over myself.

In other news that is of the "good" variety, I start a new job at the Apple store on Thursday. I'm very excited and looking forward to start training. I have two friends that work there (who were nice enough to sing my praises/tell people I'm cool and help me get the job) so I'm not going in as nervous as one who doesn't know anyone. So wish me luck and good times as I start working at one of my favourite places in the mall! Hopefully this cough will mostly be gone and no one there will think I've been smoking five packs a day since I was nine...

Explanation...please?

2008-02-08T14:07:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I've been on Technorati for a bit now and while I don't pay close attention to it or anything I logged on today to find my "authority" had gone up. I clicked on it to check it out and found that some site had linked to my post about being high maintenance, only they hadn't referenced my blog's name properly or anything (but they link to right to the post on Paper Wings just fine). It's weird.

Here's the link to it:
http://clothing.collectiblepro.com/2008/01/31/high-maintenance-reading-list/

So what do I do? I don't even know how to feel about it...

Would you date you?

2008-02-03T18:46:00.000-08:00

I always have the most interesting conversations with my friend, Amy. She's really cool and one of those friends you always want at your party.

Talking to her today we got onto the whole single-hood issue. Two single twenty-something girls, it's bound to come up. The thought was this: I don't think I'd want to date the person I was a year ago, or before that.

I mean, going through the things you do, "growing-up," or just "finding yourself." Everyone has to deal with that stuff, figure it all out, go on their voyage of self-discovery. I know I wasn't in a place where starting a relationship would have been the wisest thing. I'm actually glad I didn't end up with someone, it would not have ended well.

I would totally date me now, though.

There were a lot more things she and I talked about, that would take a much longer blog to explain. Seeing as I'm not dating right now I'm sure I'll be able to work them in to a later post about being all, "I am woman," or even, "I'm gettin' kinda lonely." Whatever side of the fence I'm on that day...

How about you, my bloggy friends, would you date you?

P.S. I'm a bit distracted today, can you tell?

High Maintenance Reading List

2008-01-31T09:45:00.000-08:00

Welcome to High Maintenance 101, the first thing you'll need to do is go to the bookstore and make sure you bring the following to class:

- Princess: You Know Who You Are by Francesca Castagnoli
From shopping to pampering, to charming, this book covers how to respect your inner princess and treat her accordingly.

- The Goddess Guide by Gisele Scanlon
The perfect guidebook for our course. From the introduction: Do you know where to buy the best vintage clothing? Have you ever wondered what Tracey Emin collects? Want to know why the soles of Christian Louboutin's beautiful shoes are always crimson red? Going to Paris and need to know where to stay and what perfumes to bring home with you? Perhaps you have a room to decorate and want to put up -- and customize -- your own wallpaper? Still searching for the best-fitting jeans, the snuggliest duvet, the secret to having perfectly toned arms? Scanlon uses the knowledge she's collected through years of travel, writing, and such along with interviews with the people who should know (and who you should know) to compile this awesome little volume. And the cover is beautiful...although your not supposed to judge by it.

- That Extra Half An Inch: Hair, Heels and Everything in Between by Victoria Beckham
Her secrets are the ones you must know. If you do not have a healthy dose of Posh-love in your life, there is no place for you here. If you want to be in the know about how to be mayjah, make sure you have this book.

- Vogue, Elle, and Harper's Bazaar magazines
You don't need a subscription, you just need to know that this is where you'll find the stuff you need to know month to month. Your monthly boost of fabulousness, if you will.

Pending instructor review:

- A Guide to Quality, Taste and Style by Tim Gunn
On the list of must-reads, this comes from the man that acts as mentor to the Project Runway contestants, and knows what he's talking about when it comes to fashion and those other things mentioned in the title of his book. I look forward to reading it.

- The Little Black Book of Style by Nina Garcia
The fashion director of Elle magazine and judge on Project Runway offers up a volume geared at helping you find your fashion identity and your polished self. They use these people on that show for a reason, people.

- Daring Book for Girls by Andrea J. Buchanan
Because being fabulous is not just about appearances and personality. You need to know how to do other really cools stuff too, like the perfect cartwheel, wrapping saris, or science projects. Tomboy or girly-girl, or combination, this book seems to be an excellent addition to the library.

*List subject to change as many books are available, yet really good ones being hard to find. These being those the instructor has found useful and relevant.

**Please also take note of the times the following shows are airing in your area: Project Runway, What Not to Wear, Sex and the City, and your choice of shows found on the Style network.

Should I...

2008-01-30T18:04:00.000-08:00

Watch Transformers or go try and finish the book I'm close to the end of?

I'm leaning towards reading...but it's a tough call. Two things I kind of gave too much thought to today. Cuddled with babies and the whole time thinking, "When I get home I want to..."

Update: Not that you find this interesting or important at all, but I did go read and my brain was too jittery so I came back to jump from thing to thing all ADD-like on the internet while I watch T.V. simultaneously.

P.S. I love Project Runway.

here it goes

2008-01-29T17:48:00.000-08:00

here it goes
here it goes again
oh, here it goes again...

Yup, Ok Go lyrics just to say we're returning the hundred things list. Inching closer to the finish line...

Numbers 51-60:

51. I love cauliflower. Ever since I was a kid, favourite vegetable, hands down. And it's super nutritious, so that's good.
52. I dye my hair about two shades darker than my natural colour. Only I notice when my roots are coming in. It gives it a lot more dimension and hello, it's so hot (and so me).
53. I'm probably more high maintenance than I want to believe. I pretty much refuse to leave the house without hair and make-up done, and even a t-shirt and jeans have to be done right. It kicks in even more on my days off from the daycare, as I don't get to bother looking all that cute when I'm at work. It's hard to keep up appearances when at least three small children are grabbing at you with grubby hands, wiping snotty noses on you, and other adorable things. So I do what I can when I'm not there.
54. I love swing sets. How could you not get all happy when flying through the air like that? Sunny days with a slight breeze always make me want to find a playground and swing all day.
55. I love being the center of attention. Just not always...a lot of times. I think it's like an addiction, you just want to do it again and again. But there are plenty of instances where I'd rather chill on the sidelines or even spend some time alone.
56. Making my friends smile makes my day, bonus points if they're laughing. I can't stand it when they're hurting or when things are a mess. Whatever my friends are going through, good/bad/beautiful/ugly/amazing/awful, affects me big time. I just love them so very much.
57. I'd love to take at least one dance class. Like modern dance, or jazz. Something different than what you do when you're out for the weekend. I love the expression and creative outlet of using your whole body to express music. And while I do my thing, alone, at home, getting a little "formal" instruction would be really cool.
58. I kept a bunch of my textbooks from college because I really do want to go back and read them. These include the ones for World Geography, Comparative Politics, and Anthropology. Along with a bunch of my philosophy books.
59. I have trust issues. Who doesn't?
60. I'm really glad that my taste buds have started getting excited about tea. I always wanted to like tea and would try it on a regular basis only to be disappointed. But within a few recent months I've been getting into it more and more. I love tea. Mostly green tea, but I love trying new ones. Jasmine has quickly become one of my favourites.
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I'm not completely insane
I'm maybe just a little bit crazy
There's no one to blame
Got no shame 'bout my game
Don't want nobody to save me...
-- Alana Davis, "Crazy"

bachelorette parties are fun

2008-01-27T19:22:00.001-08:00

And they're good for your ego.

Especially if your party runs into a random bachelor party.

Good times will be had and you'll be feeling really good about yourself, just sayin'.

Although, apparently, I'm trouble.

My dear friend is getting married this week and we went out last night for the shenanigans that are required pre-nuptial. We did a tour at a winery, which if you get the chance to do, I highly recommend because it was the perfect start to our night. Followed that up with dinner (pizza in the hotel room where some of the girls were staying the night). From there, it was time to go downtown and let loose.

As we were walking we saw the cutest little lingerie store, and we were all "Um, this is the perfect place to check out for a party such as this." So we went in, and the first thing Becks and I saw were the super-high platform stripper heels that were too fun to not try on. Becks got these bright red buckled all over numbers, and the only ones in my size were clear plastic with a sparkly lip print on the side.

But wait, that's no ordinary sparkly lip print, it's actually the marker to show you where the money slot is. Yes, a money slot. They were too good to be true, I almost bought them because of the pure camp factor. Plus, as the wonderful sales girl pointed out, "If you decided to get them and wear them out tonight you'd most likely make your money back in no time." Because people would be able to put money in my shoes. It was funny, because it was true.

As soon as I get the picture of me in those shoes, I will post it, I promise.

I'm still surprised at myself and how well I walked in those babies.

Bachelorette parties are fun...and hilarious.

healing on the inside

2008-01-25T16:37:00.000-08:00

One time I used a Pampered Chef paring knife, maybe I used it twice. The knife wasn't even mine, it was my roommate's. I don't think she noticed that I threw it away shortly after. It
had been kind of dull and hadn't worked all that well anyway.

From then on it was mostly the thin blades in disposable razors. The flimsy plastic could be broken easily enough and inside were three perfectly sharp objects. They split the skin on my delicate wrists just enough that the bleeding was profuse but there wouldn't be much evidence by way of scarring. It only took one and the other two could be quickly hidden away. Hidden from the rare observant visitor, hidden from myself until I reached for them again in panicked desperation.

It was calming, the thin lines appearing as I carefully drew them with the razor. Watching the blood flow before I furtively slipped into the bathroom to stick my wrists under cool running water. Only then did I start questioning the sanity of these actions, as the two liquids mingled into a lighter red and ran down the drain. That's when I would cry because it wasn't right, it wasn't good, and it wasn't really helping.

I'd silently find the short distance back to my room, lock the door, and pull out the red bandanna that served it's main purpose to be wrapped around the cuts, and soak up blood and tears. I'd curl up under the covers and either cry or stare up at the ceiling until my exhausted body, exhausted mind, exhausted heart drifted into deep, wonderful sleep. Some of those nights I awoke the next morning more rested and refreshed than I had ever experienced. Because most other nights I wasn't sleeping. Those mornings I woke up and put myself together for class, beautifully.

Adorable outfit: check

Perfect hair and make-up: check

Huge white watch with all the little buckles, strategically covering main cutting surface: check

Sweet smile and ready laugh: check

No one noticed.

No one that didn't automatically accept a feeble excuse. Micah noticed as we all got ourselves ready for homecoming. My watch wasn't on yet.

"What happened to your wrist?"

"Oh, I slipped on the cement bleachers over on the football field the other day. It got scratched up when I tried to stop myself."

"Ah, I hate those bleachers."

None of them had been exposed to such a thing before. I had never been exposed to such a thing before. Cutting, panic attacks, bipolar disorder -- how do you talk about that? If I didn't even know what was going on, how could I explain it? I was used to dealing with my father's erratic behaviour, but this was beyond me.

And then I met someone who knew the ins and outs of bipolar disorder. The transfer student that I fell in love with on first sighting when I stepped in front of him in the cafeteria line for the drink fountain. Talking late one night we found someone else that knew what kind of wars we were fighting in our heads. He didn't cut himself, but he knew what the medications felt like and all about the crushing dark places. I wouldn't have to explain when one day I could only sleep and couldn't get off the couch and then want to go do crazy things on another shortly after. Knowing the fact that some days I would be introverted and unable to move outside a small circle one day and then completely outgoing and energetically chatting up person after person would go unquestioned.

Naturally we were too much drama for each other. It was explosive and strange and our upswings and downswings never matched up. We chose to deal with things in different ways. He self medicated with all sorts of substances while I let my friends inside my strange world even more, asking them to help me climb my way out. He would be cold and distant, harsh and often zombie-like because of various things found in his bloodstream. I would open up to people, let them hold me, and pray. But I would still confide to him things others wouldn't hear from me at that time.

Until the last straw. I did it one more time and hated myself. He was the one I called to come fix it. He saw my wrist and pulled me into his arms, holding me so tight because I was shaking. Shaking because I was still panicked, still crying, and it was cold outside. We talked and talked, me playing the role of a frightened little girl who has too many thoughts and needs to be told what to do. He took my phone and programmed my mom's number into his.

"If you don't call your parents tomorrow and tell them what's going on, I will."

Because he knew if I didn't tell them, no one could get me the help I needed. They had all the insurance information, and they were my parents. It was their job.

So I called them. My father yelled at me, my mother tried to listen to find out what we needed to do. They couldn't understand because I was telling them I wanted to try an approach they were unsure of.

I quit taking the medication, it wasn't helping and the side effects were just too much to deal with. I went to the elders at my church with the man that was like a second father to me, he was the professor of my favourite class, I worked for him under the work-study program, and I could trust him. My best friend that is like my sister was there, along with her husband (then boyfriend) who is like a brother. I whole group there, like family but better. The elders anointed me with oil and prayed over me for healing, for peace.

Peace came. Immediately. I felt better. I saw so many things more clearly and was getting better at making decisions. I had this strength that wasn't mine.

I hit road blocks and they made me stumble. A few were really big, and are stories for another time. I have moments of weakness, doesn't everyone? Now I know how to handle it, where to reach for the strength.

I think that God gives us tools to help us heal. If you had cancer, you would take the medicines and treatments the doctors gave you. Well, maybe you wouldn't, but I would. You'd also lean on your family, friends, and maybe you would pray. I did the same thing for my illness. At the time, medication wasn't doing anything but forcing painful side effects on me and causing significant weight gain. I was taking maximum doses and even with all the side effects, it wasn't helping me get better. Since that time I went through one major period where I was having a panic attack close to every day. I wasn't hurting myself, but I couldn't get past the things in my life that were causing the attacks. So I talked to a counselor (a Christian counselor that didn't treat me the way others had, insulting me for my faith) and we decided trying medication again would not be a bad idea. My wonderful doctor put me on Effexor, and it was a match made in heaven. It was a low dose and I wasn't experiencing any bad effects (and it didn't hurt myself esteem by causing weight gain and actually helped me lose some depression weight). I will probably go back on it once my issue with insurance gets taken care of because it keeps my moods for swinging out of control and my mind clear.

All of these things are part of who I am. They define me, etch the designs that beautify my spirit. When I knew I was healed I had "The One who heals" tattooed in Hebrew on my wrist over the spot I used to cut. It's a beautiful tattoo. And these things that I am are amazing, though a work in progress.

I still won't touch Pampered Chef paring knives though.
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A spiritual wound, one that comes from a laceration of the spirit, is much like a physical wound; after it has healed and knitted together on the outside, strange as it may seem, a spiritual wound behaves like a physical injury in continuing the healing process on the inside under pressure from the life force pushing up from within. -- Tolstoy, "War and Peace"

To sleep, perchance to dream...

2008-01-24T10:48:00.000-08:00

I know I have stated it before, but I've been having some serious sleep issues. Getting to sleep and sleeping well are two things that have been completely eluding me for what feels like a very long time, but I'm not sure when it actually started.

And I'm sorry, my writing here has suffered, I feel. I know I'm usually remarkably more eloquent. My days off are spent with me feeling very drowsy and my days working are increasingly difficult because I'm sleepy. I have ideas and still feel creative and want to be active, but I get easily distracted and it all just kind of rolls downhill to a point where I'm just vaguely present and drifting off.

It's weird because I get sleepy and start to fall asleep at night, but then I move, turn off the light, or something simple and unexciting and all of a sudden I'm awake and have to wait until I get really sleepy. Then a lot of my nights have not been good sleep once I do manage to find my way to dreamland.

If you know anything that could help me that won't a) involve a bunch of medication (which, sleeping pills of any kind don't usually affect me at all, my doctor put me on Ambien once and it didn't do anything), b) cost me much money if any at all, or c) require alcohol because I can't have it in my house, I am open to your suggestions. Sad about the alcohol one because the one night that I slept so good I had had a couple glasses of wine, but I don't want to be dependent on that factor, of course.

It's frustrating, because I'd like to get some energy to focus on things like stepping it up with my writing and other creative endeavors, getting exercise (because, hello, I feel better inside and about myself when I get back to my ten-pounds-lighter self), and being able to function in social circles better. And my lack of real sleep has been hurting those things, big time (and in ways I'm not ready to talk about here yet).

So, let me know your helpful hints on getting some normal sleeping patterns...or call me and verbally kick my butt to get me to go work out or something. Thanks.

Heath Ledger

2008-01-22T16:24:00.000-08:00

My best friend in high school and I were in love with him. I don't know how many times we watched 10 Things I Hate About You together. And while I grew out of my crush, he was still one of my favourite actors, he was extremely gifted.

I really hope it was an accident and I am so shocked and saddened by the news today of his death. I'm still having a little trouble really believing it.

Hooray!

2008-01-22T16:02:00.001-08:00

Guess who just got their letter of acceptance to go to school in London?

No...me!

I'm so excited, the letter came earlier than expected and it took a minute for it to hit me full force: I'm really going to London!

Congratulatory gifts will be accepted...she said with a sly grin.

Bound to happen

2008-01-21T15:45:00.000-08:00

Politics are in the air, it's a bittersweet scent of supposed democracy, sweat, blood, tears, and crest toothpaste plus whitening.

I don't like debating politics. People don't actually debate, they fight for their opinion to be heard over everyone else's. And I'm just not a fan of people raising their voice at me, because apparently it's well known in certain circles that if you just start shouting your opponent will suddenly have a change of heart and see it your way.

Personally, when people have started getting upset with me or begin hitting higher decibels it's seems to be because they've made some assumption based on what they know about me. They think that because they know the things they do, they can predict my stance on a subject. And if I have anything in common with them at all that usually influences their opinion, I will naturally agree with them on most everything else. Having gone to a conservative Christian university, it happened a lot.

Now, I am really happy with the education I got. I wouldn't have accomplished so much of what I did if I hadn't been there learning from and interacting with the amazing professors that I did in the major-specific classes I took. They knew what they were talking about and I gleaned so much from what they put into their curriculum. But, when ninety percent of the student body, and much of the administration is of one mind, people are going to assume that you sway with the majority just because you are a Christian at a Christian school.

And I am a Christian, just not always the one they (they being the guys sitting on committees deciding what was best for the school and the people deciding who was popular, not always the most aware of what was really going on beyond their agreeable crowd) wanted me to be. I wasn't necessarily glued to the denomination they wanted me to be. I didn't (and don't) have a problem with instrumental worship or ladies saying prayers (all of which is another story for another time, as they aren't a big deal).

I'm also not a Republican.

But, that doesn't automatically make me a Democrat either (because I'm not).

Obviously, this could cause a nice bit of confusion for the average student at my school, among others.

May I say, that it swings both ways. People on both sides of the pond want me to agree with them fully and it's probably not going to happen. I'm moderate...with a little lean to the left.

The big shockers? My thoughts on gay marriage and abortion. It's true, I have thoughts and some of them are about these "problems." At risk of being ripped a part, agreed with, spat on, patted on the head, or whatever...here's how I see it:

Gay marriage is none of my business. True. That's between the two people wanting to commit themselves to each other forever. Whatever I may think about it from a moral standpoint (being the morals I have set for myself using the guidance I find in my God's word) doesn't actually matter at all when the person(s) in question don't share my views.

Abortion is a tough one. Again, I feel that it's not the place of the state or myself to make that decision for any woman. I, personally, could never do it and believe that it would be very wrong. But another woman might look at it and say different. Another woman might feel backed into a corner with no other option. This issue gets terribly hard to keep in a black and white/right and wrong context when you throw in the proverbial "What if it's lose the mother or lose the baby" problem. It's up to the mother if she wants to die or let her child go.

What these types of things come down to for me is the fact that I have submitted myself to the law under the God that I believe and have faith in. I cannot expect someone who has not submitted themselves to that law to live by it. No, I won't "agree" with what the person is doing with their life, but it is not my place to judge and I will live my life the way I see fit and allow them to do the same. I firmly believe that when people want the government to hold everybody to one particular doctrine we run into problems. Our government being one that called for separation of church and state (perhaps you've heard of it?), it is a two way street. The government agrees not to interfere with the church(es) and the church(es) were not intended to interfere with the government.

And I have had some fabulous gay friends that put some of my Christian friends to shame in how they acted in love and respect, being servants to people. But, that's not really what I'm getting at here.

I'm a bit nervous about posting this, as I'm not sure I've really made myself understood. My brain's been a bit fuzzy the past few weeks as I've had so much going on and haven't been sleeping well. All of these things have been coming up in conversation a lot lately for me and I am pretty passionate about being respectful to all people and their lives. I could say so much more, go into so much more detail...but I won't drive it into the ground.

That's what I think.

Here come the ABCs!

2008-01-16T17:19:00.000-08:00

My brain is still a bit off-line. I haven't been sleeping well one little bit, if you have any suggestions for "getting to sleep" rituals, let me know. Medicine doesn't usually help me, so I need some tricks.

Anyway, my solution is to tag myself with this meme Nicole Antoinette posted. If you aren't reading her blog, shame on you, because I've mentioned it enough times here that you should have gotten the hint by now. I'm not going to tag anyone, because I always feel that someone should have the choice...free will and all. By tagging myself here, I give myself something to do that a) doesn't require too much brain power, b) is fun, c) might give me something to go over in my head a few times to maybe get me to sleep.

So here's my own personal alphabet:

A - Age: Twenty-three and 5/6ths (so old)
B - Band listening to right now: Well, none...the TV is on...but I have Maroon 5 in my head during commercials.
C - Career future: Becoming Snow White (i.e. the coolest princess ever), indie rockstar, and stellar fashion designer
D - Dad’s name: Wayne
E - Easiest person to talk to: The best friend Jenn, and then I'm blessed with a bunch of friends that are all really easy to chat with (and heaven knows, I talk a lot).
F - Favorite type of shoe: red
G – Grapes or Grapefruit: In fruit form, grapes. In juice form, grapefruit.
H – Hometown: Well I was born in Japan, whisked off to Ohio, then on to Germany, then South Carolina, then Panama City, Florida, now Orlando (with Alabama in between)...so which of those should I call "hometown?"
I – Instrumental talent: Instrumental to what? I know some guitar chords...
J – Juice of choice: Grapefruit.
K – Koala Bear or Panda Bear: Um...um...if I'm in Australia I'd want to see a koala, and if I'm in the Orient I'd want to see a panda.
L - Longest car ride ever: Panama City all the way to somewhere towards the middle of Mexico...not all at once, fortunately. Technically, it was a bus ride though...
M – Middle name: Leigh
N - Number of jobs you’ve had: Let's see, first the Gap, then Shipwreck Unltd., new city new job with Travel Country Outdoors, then secretarial work, then American Eagle, then Starbucks, followed by the daycare and Arbonne consultant (current). I think I'm leaving some stuff out as there have been quite a number of these types of things. And who knows what I'll do next?
O- OCD traits: You do not have the time.
P - Phobia[s]: Leeches, blood pressure cuffs (I'm getting better at handling those), yeah, those are weird.
Q - Quote: "I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from." -Eddie Izzard
R - Reason to smile: No. 34987332988347: D. is starting to say things that sound like real words.
S - Song you sang last: "Hey Jude," I sing it to L. when he gets upset and cries because it calms him down.
T - Time you wake up: I aim for about 5:30 because I tell myself I will get up and do a little yoga to greet the day and that type of thing...but I usually end up hitting snooze a few times and slowly stumbling out of bed around 6. But I absolutely cannot get out of bed with the clock on an uneven number, because what would happen to the children? Something bad, I'm sure.
U - Unknown fact about me: I have always been somewhat obsessive about the number twenty-three. I haven't seen that movie, or researched it much because as OCD as I am I know it might push me over the edge into "that crazy girl who doesn't talk about anything but a number and chews her hair." I don't chew my hair...but taking this thing with that number beyond me just happening upon it all the time might push me to it.
V - Vegetable you hate: Brussel sprouts, broccoli, and others.
W - Worst habit: Spending too much money with only a vague idea of how much of it I actually have. Yeah mom, don't say anything.
X - X-rays you’ve had: Uh, like, all of them...
Y - Yummiest food my belly likes: Hmm...so many goodies rushed into my head and I can't choose the best one! Vegan pizza is my ultimate comfort food, so we'll go with that (especially if it comes from Mellow Mushroom).
Z - Zodiac sign: Pisces...but I read recently that I was born on a cusp and that makes a difference somehow...

Next time won't you sing with me? You can pick the song next time...
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I've tried and tried and tried and tried,
but I know no concept of consequence,
and I'm a master of self defense...
-- Maroon 5

Brain. Dead.

2008-01-15T16:09:00.000-08:00

I have no coherent thought.

Blahdegabbamundabo?

And now feel free to say the same thing I say to the babies when they look at me and say that precise sentence: "Really? Fascinating! Sure..."

answers

2008-01-12T17:02:00.001-08:00

But these questions are so hard! Seriously, I should probably take even more time to think about them, but hey, I like to live life on the edge.

Deutlich: What's your one do-over moment? You know, the kind where afterwards you thump yourself on the head and ask, "Why did I just do that?!"

Oi, I have to pick just one? I think, ultimately anytime I said something that was false to who I am. I have done that a lot...and that is a bit of a vague answer...but those are the types of things that I really regret. It's those types of things that have kept people from really knowing me. It has happened a lot at times I'm really nervous around a stupid guy, and if I had just been totally and completely true to myself they would have actually liked me so much better (and perhaps, I wouldn't be quite so single). There is actually one in particular that comes to mind, and I just really wish I had been myself entirely around this guy because I think we would at least be much better friends than we are now. But, I was not long out of a bad break-up and had to rediscover that for myself a bit. Still...

Molly: What is the most beautiful drive you've ever taken?

I went to college eight hours away from my home. I didn't have my own car and so I had to find someone to take me with them or fly when the holidays came around. There was a girl in a couple of my classes that I knew lived in Daytona, which is only about an hour and a half away from Orlando, so I asked if I could ride with her and her sister and then have my parents come get me there. The first time around it was all three of us and I slept in the backseat pretty much the whole way (I tend to fall asleep and stay that way during all types of travel). But the second time it was just me and her, for eight hours, alone in the car together. We talked the whole time. We talked about everything, ranging from deep thoughts and ideas to complete silliness and goofiness. We ended up having so much in common and made each other laugh so easily that the eight hours flew by. And that happened every time we rode home and back together after that. I would say that second time when we were just the two of us was the most beautiful drive ever for me because that was the one where I got to know one of the most amazing women in my life. I've driven though a lot of different places, but that girl is my absolute best friend to this day and she knows me better than anyone. Nostalgic and kind of cheesy, yes, but I don't care.

Katelin: Who was your first kiss and would you kiss that person again?

Um...I don't really remember so it must not have been special. I think the first official kiss was probably during a "truth or dare" game and wasn't anything "serious." The first one I ever actually remember was the boy I dated a little bit in high school. It was really cute, I was mid-sentence because I talk so much and he went for it. It wasn't a big sloppy kiss, it was a nice little first one. I suppose I would kiss him again...but I don't know what he's like now because I haven't seen him in years so only if he's just as cool if not cooler than before.

Katelin: Have you ever been streaking? If so, where?

No, I haven't. I think the closest to streaking I would ever come to would be...um...nothing...I'm kinda boring that way.

Katelin: If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what movie would it be?

I can never answer these types of questions to my own satisfaction. At least you didn't say, "on a deserted island." Hmm...seriously, I've been sitting here for about twenty minutes pondering this question. I think I'm going to say...ah...dang it...um...Rent? Runners up: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Snow White, Enchanted, Empire Records, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, The Emperor's New Groove... I really hope that never happens to me and I really have to choose just one forever.

Larissa: What activity most invokes creativity in your life? And why?

Oh...everything. I think just the act of observation would be the one thing that invokes the creativity. I'm a really perceptive person, I feel like I notice everything. And everything gets me thinking. And once my brain goes off on a tangent things can get a little crazy. It's why I carry my journal with me everywhere, because I always need it to write down or sketch out things that I see or start thinking. I end up with all sorts of ideas all the time. I need to do better about getting them on paper and then following through with them though, because ideas not practiced aren't doing anybody any good. Excellent question.

Courtney: You want to move to London, so is there one specific thing about that city (a landmark, certain people, opportunities unique to it, etc.) that excites you most about the possible move?

Oh gosh, there's so much! Let's go with the things you listed, because that way I don't have to say just one thing.
A landmark - I think Big Ben really excites me because it's pretty much the big distinguishing landmark and all. However, personally, all the little places excite me even more. Places like the parks, pubs, markets, etc. Underground London, if you will, that only the real Londoners know has got to be the coolest part. Oh, and pretty much all the places seen in Doctor Who (she said with a sly smile).
Certain people - The locals! People with cool accents! Famous British people! And possibly...some sexy older British man to sweep me off my feet (she said with a laugh).
Opportunities - Because I plan to study fashion the opportunities in London make it one of the perfect places to study that. It's one of the big fashion cities alongside New York, Milan, and Paris. Plus, when looking at the "working world" there, it is a desirable location for the fact that unemployment there is very low and people "move up" in their jobs fairly easily (I did a little research).
Etc. - I've discovered over the past year quite the Anglophile in myself. I love the BBC, lots of my favourite actors are English, I spell a lot of my words that way because most of the types of books I've always read use that type of spelling (I seriously didn't know any better until middle school when we left Germany), I love the accents, and on and on.

Distracted Spunk: If you could ever relive one moment, what would it be?

Well there's the one I won't talk about (you know a girl's gotta have a few secrets). But I'd say the other one would be choosing to move to Orlando with my family before my senior year of high school. I often wish I had stayed in Panama City with a family there just for that year so I could have gone to school and graduated with my friends. I ended up in Orlando homeschooling, which I dropped out of to take my GED. I know a year is more than one moment, but the decision happens in a moment, I suppose.
A good one I'd like to relive and pretty much change nothing was being in my best friends wedding and seeing her so happy. She was standing by the door in all her splendour as we, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, were about to walk down the aisle and she was just beaming. It was awesome, the ceremony was perfect and everything was wonderful that day. It was one of those day full of moments like the happy scenes from Rent or the final We Go Together scene from Grease.

NicoleAntoinette: If you had to have a personal theme song for your life, what would it be?

I'm assuming you mean in the sense that it's the song that plays when I walk into the room...
I work well with top fives - in no particular order -
1. Crazy by Alana Davis
2. She by Elvis Costello
3. The Rock Show by Blink-182
4. Medication by Derek Webb
5. Twentieth Century Fox by the Doors

*List subject to change once I sit down and give it more serious thought than previously done. I take these kinds of questions very seriously. A friend of mine once told me that my song was Livin' La Vida Loca but I feel that I can do better than that with these...but that one might have fit too.

Chelsea Talks Smack: What makes you cry? Ya know that one thing, that no matter the time, place etc. you get a lump in your throat and can't help it.

Not much. I hate crying, really, really hate it. I've never been the type to cry in public or be moved to tears easily (or even not easily, whatever that means). However, if for some sadistic reason you wanted to make me cry right away you would have to...um...just get me really worked up and so frustrated and angry that I can't talk. Usually my family are the only ones capable of this when I feel like they just aren't listening and they do that one thing that I have asked not to be done five gajillion times up until that point and then I just snap and scream incoherently because I can't take it anymore. You would really have to commit to it if you wanted to make me cry "all of a sudden."

Chelsea Talks Smack: Betty or Veronica?

I say Betty, I don't think Veronica would like me very much. Betty would be cool and friendly as long as you weren't after Archie, Veronica would just act better than you no matter who you were.

Chelsea Talks Smack: Ginger or Maryanne?

I don't think I've ever actually watched an episode of Gilligan's Island, so I have to pick at random. I hear Ginger is the really nice one so we'll go with her. I'll bet we'd have fun.

Dana: What is your idea of the perfect church? I mean, obviously it isn't possible but if it was, what would it look like?

I read a story once about a man that was allowed to see both heaven and hell, guided by an angel. The angel took the man to hell first, where all the people were at a long table piled high with scrumptious, delicious looking food. But because all the people were chained and heavily shackled, they couldn't eat and looked absolutely miserable, skinny and starving. So then the angel took the man to heaven, where he saw the exact same thing, people at a big feast chained together. But this time all the people were laughing and smiling and full of joy, everyone looked healthy. The man told the angel he didn't understand, what made the people in heaven different so that they had such joy despite the chains and shackles? The angel told the man he needed to look closer. When the man did so, he saw that the chains allowed the people to feed the person next to them and everyone served their neighbor at the table, so everyone got to eat their fill. That's what I think of when I think of the perfect church, everyone serving one another and not consumed with themselves. Where the focus isn't on programs and "supposed to." A place that is really accepting and open...and not political. And everyone would be unafraid to bring their song, their words, their gifts to the table for worship because no one would say that they weren't allowed to use what they have as an act of glorifying God. It would be cool.

Amazing question...a little tough though!

Becka: If you could listen to one song on repeat for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Seriously, you of all people know that that is an unanswerable question! I couldn't do it, I would shrivel up and be no more.

Becka: Which runway fashion trend do you wish you could pull off in everyday life? (ie. socks with heels)

Other than being really tall and thin? I'd say...the colour yellow. I can't wear yellow, but I've loved so many of the things that I've seen in that colour and it was a bit of a trend.

Becka: What is your favorite quote or line from a movie and why?

"The opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation" - Mark, Rent. Yes, Rent, was on Broadway first, but it's a movie now too with ninety percent of the original cast so it qualifies completely. It's my favourite line because it's just...so true.

Runners-up:
"Oh, what are we gonna need the f****** rope for?" - Boondock Saints, because that part is so, so funny and shouldn't make me laugh the way that it does.
"Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes shut so tight" - That Thing You Do, I don't remember the name of the character, but Liv Tyler plays her. It's such a good "I'm sad we're breaking up, but you suck," break-up line. I can so relate.
"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams" - Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory...I always smile when he says that.
And, etc...

Wishcake: If you could reinvent yourself, what would you change?

I would be about two inches taller with less fat (more "tone" if you will). Really though, I think the main thing would be giving myself more of an ability to follow through on things. Like I said before, I tend to be more "idea" than anything. I think I'm getting a lot better at that, at least trying to be conscious of it. I'd also want to make myself completely devoid of stage fright and a little more outgoing (I'm not terribly shy, but I don't always go out of my way to meet people). Oh, and I'd be more funny.

Wishcake: What words or phrases do you overuse on a daily basis?

Seriously? I mean, I guess I say shut up, fairly often when I hear something crazy. And I am constantly shouting No! because I work with tiny humans...but I can't think of anything...

Wishcake: What is one of your silliest pet peeves?

Most of mine are probably really silly. One of the silliest is probably how much I hate when people just say "Panama City" for "Panama City Beach." They're right next to each other, but the beach is the beach and you have to cross a bridge from the city to get there. Just like Disney World isn't technically in Orlando, it's in Kissimmee, and I technically live in an Orlando suburb. Poor Geography education...it gets to me.

Wishcake: If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

That is tough, because I love every last piece of my name. If I had to change it, I would want it to be just as unique, let's do another top five (also in no particular order).
1. Adelie
2. Ophelia
3. Aster
4. Bryna
5. Stella

Wishcake: Mustard or mayo?

Mayo is gross (plus I really can't have it as a vegan), so mustard all the way...sparingly.
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That was tough, y'all. I should have done more top fives, because I'm quite fond of them (one of my favourite things about High Fidelity). Very good questions though. I would end on some song lyrics or something...but this post will be long enough without.

Because I'm spoiled rotten, that's why

2008-01-11T16:45:00.000-08:00

Things I have decided I really do need. Especially if I'm on my way to London (which I think is looking pretty good...I hope...I pray).

- That MacBook I blogged about before...the one I desire. How else will I stay on top of all that artsy design homework and keep in touch with all of you lovelies? And I know that it would do what I want when I want, unlike this piece of junk that hates me (sentiments returned in full, evil machine).
- A digital SLR camera, preferably a Canon Rebel. Because you'll want pictures of everything I do, right? Plus, I was snapping away with my friend's last night (hers isn't a rebel, but it was fun) and I think I took some pretty nifty shots. I really wanted to take pictures of everything when it was in my hands and I decided it needed to be bumped back up to the top of the needs list (ok, fine, wants list).
- Cute pajamas/yoga wear/athletic wear. Because those types of clothing get ignored by me too much and I end up looking sloppy when I want to participate in those activities. And I am a person that is definitely motivated by what I'm wearing...oh, and I've been thinking I need a bathrobe too. And you know when you're living with a bunch of roommates, and you're a fashion design student, you don't want to be the one that doesn't have the right stuff to wear.
- New running shoes...but that's because mine are just worn out and not because they aren't pretty. The right shoe for running really is important.
- Pretty jewelry stands because all of mine just ends up in a tangled mess in this container I use, and with my resolution to invest in quality pieces (instead of lots of cheap ones) I don't like that.
- A good pair of sunglasses. I bought these fab ones from Target but they broke almost immediately, so now I'm thinking I should buy nicer ones and take care of them (which I suppose goes along with that resolution to buy quality things because it's more important than how much of it I have). And as much as I want these beauties from Cartier, I think I'll have to make it a smaller investment than that (I couldn't find a picture to use...).

And my dear friends that see me in real life, feel free to consult with our inner (and outer, whatever) circle to all chip in for something (I mean, especially those first two...) for my birthday next month. Just sayin'...

Don't worry, if these things don't find their way to me anytime soon, I won't throw my body against the floor and throw a whiny fit complete with choked sobs and shrieks of "NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME!" I know how to make do, but a girl can dream a bit if she's been making do for a long time.

This post brought to you by the I have other-more-serious-stuff to blog about but I'm avoiding it because it's an agonizing, scary process to blog about those things and I feel too weak to do it today.

wikilexis

2008-01-09T15:27:00.000-08:00

I'd been thinking about doing this for a bit and then the lovely Distracted Spunk did it so now I'll be copying. But I mean, what do I mind if I'm compared to really cool people?

It's quite simple, ask me a question. Any question. I'll put together answers in another post later on. Ask more than one if you want.

Please make them interesting, I read most of your blogs and know that you're fascinating people so I'd be sorely disappointed if I got mundane questions (she said with a wink).

I'm debating whether to answer the questions in my next installment of 100 things about me, you'll just have to wait and see what happens.

And if you're someone that stops by on a regular basis but doesn't usually comment, please do so this time. The more questions the better and all the more fascinating it'll become.

Nifty, no?

It's that time again

2008-01-07T14:44:00.001-08:00

I realized that I have a long way to go before I reach the hundred mark on the hundred things about me, so I figured I should do an installment soon. So, here we go.

Numbers 41-50 (Yay! Halfway!):

50. I think that gifts should have a lot of thought put into them, and the presentation of that gift is just as important. Gift bags and crumpled tissue paper disappoint me. And I appreciate gift cards, but they still kind of disappoint me. However, this not being everyone's forte, I try not to let any disappointment show because I am truly grateful and feel loved to receive it.
51. Twizzlers will probably always be my favourite candy. And no, I don't really care for Red Vines, I love Twizzlers. I mean, other candies have come and gone as flings and fleeting obsessions, but Twizzlers have proven that they can stick it out for the long run with me.
52. I'm a huge fan of moderation and balance, just not always the best practitioner
of them.
53. One of my romantic fantasies is to have one of those days that are done like montages in movies, there's a really good one in Loser(?) of all things. The days where the pair that are falling-in-love-without-knowing-it are running around a particular city doing all the little fun things, finding ways to do them for free. Usually, one of them is the whimsically free-spirited showing the other how to really live. In my head there's the music playing to complete the picture, because you can't have that scene in the movie without the right song. Also, if I have my way it will be somewhere foreign (or NYC).
54. Whenever I hear a female speaker (be it "motivational," or "church-related," or just on the street) say "Ladies, we have to stop comparing ourselves to one another," which has happened more than what I think should be normal. I think to myself, "That's not gonna happen," and immediately start running a list of the girls around me and how we compare. I know I'm beautiful the way I am, but seriously if that girl over there has beautifully toned arms that make mine look like soft twigs I'm going to take notice and mentally make a note to do more push-ups.
55. I have broken an alarm clock by throwing it across the room before. It didn't stop beeping so I had to throw it again.
56. I'm not a Republican, but I'm not a Democrat. Maybe my desire to move out of this country is somehow related to this type of thing.
57. I think if/once I move back overseas I might not come back here.
58. Even if I'm really hot at night I don't like to sleep without my comforter. I could be getting sweaty and have trouble actually getting to sleep and I won't want to kick off the covers. Hence my constant complaints that my dad keeps the thermostat too high (I mean, I sweat in the living room too...it's just at night that makes me whiny about it).
59. Everything I know about pop culture I learned from watching shows like I love the 80s, Best Week Ever, The Soup, and all that kind of stuff. I may not have watched or experienced those things, but I can probably remember enough for SceneIt or something.
60. I have the weirdest, craziest dreams. I don't know where they come from, but they are intense...really...really...strange things.

Until next time...
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If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. -- Edith Wharton

London calling

2008-01-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

I've decided this is what I'm going to do. It's in that stage where it's mostly an idea that is forming a plan, as I can't call it an actual plan since I haven't actually gotten in to any schools but have a couple to apply to. It's at the point though, that I have made up my mind to follow through and make the plan and move to London and go to school and be the cool one who moved to London to study something she's passionate about.

I'm also getting ahead of myself a bit. You know when you first get the inkling to do something, and then you are sure it's what you want to do, how you get that kind of excitement where you start thinking of all the things that really could wait until later? Wait until all the other stuff gets sorted out, because you can't actually take care of these things until those things get taken care of?

For example, here's what I have started jumping forward to:
What kind of roommates will I have? Can I kind of ask to be put with others closer to my age? What kind of job will I get, 'cause I can't not have a job if I'm going over there a girl's gotta eat? Where am I going to go to church? I wonder what the best restaurants for my vegan ways will be. (Note: Already started perusing happycow.com) Will one of them turn into that place you can find me for lunch almost every day? Should I go ahead and get those tickets to see David Tennant with the Royal Shakespeare Company? I guess I'll be able to see him in whichever play I want to, do I want to see Hamlet or Love's Labour's Lost more? What should I take with me and what should I just wait and get there? Dang it...I won't be able to take all my books...or DVDs...thank goodness for the iPod situation or I'd be freaking about the CD issue.

Mingle all that in with the really practical stuff about getting the applications finished, getting a portfolio put together, finding my passport (probably getting that renewed) and applying for a visa, plane tickets, adding more loans to my not-tiny amount, and all that adds up for a lot of excitement in my brain. It's like a party in here.

And you know what? I'm not all that scared about it. Not all that worried. Eager and excited and hoping it all works out, yes. Because it's all coming together. I have something to work towards, a big tangible thing that makes sense.

I mean, plus, I really want to go.

Shouldn't you have it all figured out by now?

2008-01-03T15:19:00.000-08:00

No! Now get out of my face. (Apparently I will be making a statement or asking a question in my titles that will be responded to in the first line of the post on a consistent basis from now on).

Nobody has it figured out. Nobody knows what the hell is going on.

I'm only twenty-three but I'm already twenty-three, you know? Oh, and I'll be twenty-four next month. And it shouldn't, but it strikes me with a feeling of dread that I'll be that old and not at all that close to accomplishing any of the things I dreamed up for myself as a youngster.

This does not mean I'm unhappy with myself. I'm really awesome. I still have room for improvement, but I don't mind that and I don't think anyone else is free of that either.

Here's something I've figured out, a B.A. in English doesn't really count for much when you start hunting down jobs. Maybe it's too general, as in it doesn't actually prepare you for a job. It prepares you for graduate school. Do I want to go to graduate school? Not particularly.

Here's what I've been pondering. I ponder a lot. Actually, my mind races about and jumps from place to place a lot. Much like a small animal that becomes excited for no apparent reason and you watch them run around your living room at a crazy pace, back and forth and back again. Or like the little orb in the pin ball machine, only going at a rate so fast you can't keep track of where it went or predict where it will go next. What? Oh yeah, my pondering:

Perhaps I will go back to school, only this time concentrating on something I've always considered doing and almost did before. That doesn't mean I have to go get a Masters, because another Bachelors would be just fine. I've always been really interested in fashion design and marketing and almost left my first school to enter a program to do that. I don't think I made the wrong decision to stay where I was, but now I'm thinking I could (or should) go for it. And I wouldn't necessarily have to start all over, with a lot of general knowledge classes under my belt some of the credits might still transfer or something. Plus, all of this could be done in London which is a very good place to study fashion. Now, where does all that talk from yesterday about singing and acting and writing fall into play? Well, London is a nice hub for the creative arts and I'm sure I could work something out.

It's a viable option, I already spoke with an advisor at a school there today.

There are a lot of options I suppose, so you know this isn't the final word on anything. Tomorrow I could have a completely different story.

But shouldn't I make my mind up already? Probably, but hey, I'm only twenty-three.

And as lame as this is, I was watching Friends earlier and all I could think was, "I can't be that abnormal, Rachel is totally based on the type of person that doesn't have this junk figured out. She's, what, twenty-five on this show in the beginning? Yeah, she's a character that is completely fictional, but there's no way they just pulled that material out of thin air, there's basis in reality somewhere. And Rachel "finds herself" and turns out to be a really successful, super-cool person. You're my inspiration, Rachel Green." I thought all that and decided that it's understood that this type of twenty-something is average. We're all characters that are just trying to figure it out and often have to stop, look around, realise some things need to be different, and change direction. Pleas note that I know Friends is just a T.V. show and my life can't be based on it, I was just considering how to use it as a learning device of some kind.

So if I end up at design school in London, working at Starbucks and turning things around, life will be swell. Because I will be positive that I'm taking action and being productive. Not shying away from making big changes because of my age. If I can't do it now I won't be able to do it when I'm middle-aged, or eighty-three neither.

That's life, sometimes you have to ignore the years and do something drastic. That's right, be drastic. Be bold. Be confusing. Keep people guessing.

My dad is going to be terrified. My tendency towards "free spiritedness" and "impulsiveness" and "change" freaks him out. But he also hates that I seem to be a bit aimless and without a big picture, so perhaps presenting him with a plan will ease his mind. Then again, probably not, I scare the crap out of that guy.

Here's the end, and from now on there may be more full songs as opposed to excerpts as the little pieces don't have the full impact (and it's so hard to choose which lyrics I want). This, of course, doesn't apply to quotes, just lyrics.

I ramble, so what?
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After years of expensive education,
a car full of books and anticipation,
I’m an expert on Shakespeare and that’s a hell of a lot
but the world don't need scholars as much as I thought.

Maybe I'll go travelling for a year,
finding myself or start a career.
I could work for the poor though I’m hungry for fame
we all seem so different but we're just the same.

Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat,
aren't things more easy with a tight six pack?
Who knows the answers? Who do you trust?
I can't even separate love from lust.

Maybe I’ll move back home and pay off my loans,
working nine to five answering phones.
Don't make me live for my friday nights,
drinking eight pints and getting in fights.

I don't want to get up, just let me lie in,
leave me alone, I'm a twenty something.

Maybe I'll just fall in love that could solve it all,
philosophers say that that’s enough,
there surely must be more. Ooooh

Love ain’t the answer nor is work,
the truth eludes me so much it hurts.
But I’m still having fun and I guess that's the key,
I'm a twenty something and I'll keep being me.
-- "Twentysomething," Jamie Cullum

It's too laaaate...

2008-01-02T12:08:00.000-08:00

Not really. It's not too late. You're probably not even holding it against me. I have no excuses for not having any real posts lately. All I can say is that I've been a bit blocked.

The odd thing is, I have quite a few drafts of things I've been meaning to share. I am not a draft kind of person, that's why it's odd. I usually sit down and write something and it's good to go. But these drafts are all about half-done, I write the half and then forget where I was going or don't like how it's working so I actually save it and decide to come back to it later. I know that's no different than the way most people work...but it's a total deviation from my normal method. Crazy, I tell you.

I don't even have anything to really be distracted by. Maybe the monotony is distracting. Maybe the fact that I don't feel active in my own life right now is distracting. I'm a firm believer in doing things in your own life, nothing can happen for you if you're sitting on the couch or watching other people jealously. And right now? I'm sitting on the couch wondering what the f*** to do with myself while I watch other people live.

Perhaps it's like a hibernation period, because I'd be lying if I said I'm doing absolutely nothing. Maybe I'm storing up energy for when I need it because everything will get turned upside down and around and inside out at a point in the near future.

But the taking action thing is haunting me a bit. I hate feeling complacent, feeling stagnant. So 2008 needs to be a year of doing. I'm not talking resolutions in the traditional sense, I think you set yourself up for failure that way. I'm talking resolution in the sense that I need to get convicted about what I know needs to happen. Write down some goals and go for them because I will regret it if I stay still.

I'm a mover. I love change, I adore it. I get itchy when I've been in the same place too long, doing the same things, looking out at the same scenery everyday. Routine makes me go a little crazy. But I can't sit around and wait for the Doctor to show up and hitch a ride with him for adventures, now can I?

So here are my convictions, the goals I am mustering up the resolve to accomplish (the top three, anyway):

- Lose the extra fifteen pounds of fat that have taken up residence around my middle. I know this is the classic New Year's resolution, and I'm going to sound like every other girl that hates what she sees in the mirror. But I'm really uncomfortable physically, and the fact that those pants that used be kind of big on me are now a little tight doesn't help. Unfortunately, if I'm really going to do this I need to bust out the weights and actually do some strength training...which is my least favourite exercise. I love to run, I love to swim, I love to do cardio, I love to run up and down the soccer field, but put weights in my hands and I will whine like a spoiled baby. But you have to build muscle to burn fat and really get in shape. Plus, a healthy lifestyle can't be contained to the way I eat.

- Follow through with things. I have ideas, lots of them. I have thoughts, lots of them. Do I anything about it? Not very often. For example, I've thought about moving to London a lot over the years (the language is close enough to the one I'm already fluent in that the adjustment could be easier, among many other reasons). When mom and I started planning our trip I wandered onto some other sites and looked at some info about moving there and what it's like to live there and it made me want to do it even more. In line with my new determination to be more active, I started looking at job listings too. I already applied for one and I have some more saved that I need to do something about. I get really excited thinking about the possibilities and I'm more certain that ever that I want to make something happen to get me to London, visa in hand. There are lots of other little projects and things that are really good ideas and those need to see some action too.

- Use my talents. I'm a talented woman. I'm not bragging, I'm just being honest. I'm really grateful for the gifts I've gotten, but I never really use them. I can sing my heart out, I can act my way out of more than one paper bag, and when I put my mind to it I can write some seriously good stuff (those being the three things I usually shy away from). Something I do know is that I can't just say that or bank on what comes to me naturally, I need to hone the skill. I should take classes, I should listen to people that do those things and take what they have to say to heart. So I suppose the goal here is to do something with what I have and work towards what I can get out of using my creative skills.

I am not usually afraid of adjusting things to make me a better me, although I am thrown a little too much by setbacks at times. I grew a lot in 2007 as a person and in 2008 I want to make things happen around me. I want to get out there and find the job that will take me where I want to go. I want to take my business to greater levels. I want to make myself available for a man that I could live without but won't want to. If 2007 was a foundation of personal growth, 2008 will bigger and better.

I'll let you know when I wake up and break out of the funk I'm in, I think it will be soon because I'm getting restless.
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This is a call to the color-blind
This is an IOU
I'm stranded behind a horizon line
Tied up in something true

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

Why is it not my time?
What is there more to learn?
Shed this skin I've been tripping in
Never to quite return

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for
Cause I'm bigger than my body now

Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines
And it might be over in a second's time
But I'll gladly go down in a flame
If the flame's what it takes to remember my name

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry
For my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body now
-"Bigger than My Body," John Mayer

2008

2007-12-31T23:31:00.000-08:00

A new year, everyone! Hope it's wonderful and you're having lots of fun!

Much love from O-town!

Tis better...

2007-12-30T21:48:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow night there will be a smallish party to celebrate the coming of a new year at my house. I like to play hostess, but at the moment all I can think is that I really hope there is too much food and drink and not too little...

Because an all night party means you gotta pace your drinks and stuff...but not everyone thinks about that.

Happy New Year, make it a good one...just pace yourself.

And so this is Christmas...

2007-12-24T20:24:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas Eve for another fifteen minutes, actually.

Today the candy canes finally got hung on the tree after sitting on the counter for about a week or so. That even waited until the end of the day, when I started straightening some things up a bit because people were coming over and I didn't want them thinking we're total procrastinators.

I also got my presents wrapped today. Four beautiful works of art underneath the tree that I know will be completely destroyed tomorrow. Should have taken pictures, I know, but when you wait until Christmas Eve to put together the perfect presentation of gifts it doesn't find time to get documented in good light (I mean, if I had a fancy camera I might go attempt some artsy pictures with the lights on the tree and everything...).

And Rodie has come to stay with us while his mom and dad go out of town for New Year's! Hopefully he will enjoy his stay at our humble pet bed and breakfast. I think he was just a little sad to watch mom and dad leave, but he's all snuggled up in bed now.

As for me, I think I'm going to go snuggle up in bed myself. Here I come sugarplum faeries!
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The mood is right,
The spirits up,
We're here tonight,
And that's enough,
Simply having a wonderful Christmas time...
Simply having a wonderful Christmas time...
- My favourite Christmas song, "A Wonderful Christmas Time," by Sir Paul McCartney

Loyalty & Blood

2007-12-23T20:56:00.000-08:00

I got a Christmas gift from Becka and her hubby today and I couldn't be more excited!

Why?

Because she got me the Filigree Bird necklace by Loyalty & Blood that was on my wishlist! It's just as beautiful in real life and I love it. I put it on and left it on all day. Tomorrow it will probably be back around my neck...

Remember when I said my love language is getting gifts? I love you too, Becks!

To Whom It May Concern

2007-12-23T20:16:00.000-08:00

Dear Johnny Depp,

I have long been an admirer of your work. It has actually been a goal of mine for quite a while to own all of your movies and have a "Depp section" on my movie shelf (or shelves). I think it is safe to say that you are a master of your art.

Tonight I got to see Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street and fell in love with your talent all over again. I feel that this is a pattern with your movies (although, I must admit the Pirates sequels disappointed me a little bit). Your performance was awesome and I have decided that I must express my gratitude. Thank you for putting so much into your work, this most recent adaptation is prime example that cinema would not be the same if it were not for such dedication to making really good movies. And really good movies are important.

And yes, every time you work with Tim Burton something magical happens.

I would give so much to be able to work with you and learn from you. I'm pretty sure it would make my life. I'm sure you have a lot of girls coming at you all "You're so hot and I love you," but my angle is more of artistic appreciation. You're pretty much one of the greatest actors of our time, and all I would want is to be your student. Yes, that does sound a bit odd but I don't really care because it's how I feel.

You're also super-cool.

Sincerely,
Alexis

Dear Tim Burton,

Thanks for using Johnny Depp in your movies. The collaboration between the two of you, with the addition of the lovely Helena Bonham Carter, is unmatched. Also, congratulations on the new baby.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street was awesome, to say the least. I love how you managed to make the film campy, but masterfully artful. Which, is not necessarily a new aspect of your work. I wish I knew how you do it. I also wish I could find better words to express how great the Sweeney Todd experience was.

In the end, I suppose I could say that after seeing The Golden Compass, I really needed something to restore my faith in film. Sweeney Todd was the miracle cure I was looking for. I couldn't wait to see it and I didn't get my hopes up for nothing. It exceeded my expectations.

Thank you for your movie-cal gift.

Sincerely,
Alexis
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Lift your razor high!
Sweeney!
Hear it singing!
Yes!
Stick it in the rosy skin of righteousness!
His voice was soft, his manner mild,
He seldom laughed, but he often smiled,
He'd seen how civilised men behaved,
He never forgot, and he never forgave.
Not Sweeney...
Not Sweeney Todd...
The Demon Barber of Fleet Street!

Concerning a possible trip to London:

2007-12-15T15:32:00.000-08:00

Mom: What if you get the new job?

Me: That's why I looked at end of August/early September. If I get it, I'll have been there long enough that it will be acceptable for me to take a little vacation. Plus, it gives us time to save up and plan for it. Plus, David Tennant is going to be in Love's Labour's Lost with the Royal Shakespeare Company during that time and we can go see that. Plus, it would be a nice time of the year to be there. See, I'm a thinker.

Mom: You're not a thinker, you're a schemer.
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Note: Anybody know how to get the best deal on a vacation package to London? Two adults, about ten days...for a mother-daughter bonding trip...

Here comes the...

2007-12-14T12:05:00.001-08:00

...bridal consultant.

I have a job interview for that position at an incredible bridal shop and I want it so bad I slip off into daydreams about it. Really, it would be a great job for me and I hope all of you will say a few prayers that I get it...because I'm totally getting my hopes up.

I'm still not sure how I would feel about leaving the babies. We have so much fun and I love them all dearly, it would hurt a bit to say good-bye. I suppose I can always visit, or even try and stay on and come in just once a week. Or just work something out, I might just be grasping for a way to make sure they don't forget all about me. It's amazing to think about how much they've grown just since I've been there. They've all gotten so big...

My interview is on Thursday and I am hoping that it all goes incredibly well. How could they not see how fabulous I am and not want me, right?

A little wishlist action:

2007-12-13T12:06:00.000-08:00

I was on the phone with my brother and he asked me what I wanted for Christmas. Now, when I'm out and about I can point to probably a million little things that I would love to call my own. Probably a lot of big things too, you know how us greedy little people can be. But as soon as my brother asked me, I couldn't think of anything. I could think of all the stores I like and the type of stuff I'm into...but he already knows all that. He didn't want to make any mistakes and basically buy me a trip to the mall for Christmas by getting me something I would just have to return or a gift card (which actually, is not that bad for me except that I would probably end up spending more of my own money that I shouldn't while there). So I created this little list of stuff under $40 (the limit he gave me, which is oh-so-generous, I think) and thought I'd share it with you, 'cause it's a good one.

From Anthropologie:

- Deviled Egg Halter Apron, I've always loved these aprons and had a bit of trouble picking my favourite. In the end, this one definitely won out, I love the colors and mod-like print. Plus, the halter style is just too cute. You know you want to look sexy in the kitchen.

- Meditation Hourglass, Clear, the name says a lot. It comes in bright colours as well, but I just love the simplicity of this one. It measures one half hour and is just perfect for "me" time. Oh yeah, and it's beautiful.

- I also love the Dots & Jots Journals. They come in a set of four and each has fifty pages with a pretty printed cover. They are nice and small so you can stash one in a few different places and grab one when you think an important thought and want to remember it.

- Letter Hooks, iron hooks in a serif font. I never have a place to hang things, I think I curse the lack of hooks in my room daily. I always end up hanging stuff on the doorknob and that is not effective because whatever you put on it just falls off. These are really pretty, and I love things that have an "A" for Alexis...or anything that uses initials. Actually, monogramming is best...but I think you get the picture.

From Urban Outfitters:

- Filigree Bird Necklace by Loyalty & Blood, because it's so pretty! Most know I love vintage (or just vintage inspired) things, so this isn't a surprising choice. I love the bird charm that dangles and the pretty pattern. Asymmetry is sweet.

- Tea for One, because um, I'm usually the only one having tea. And how wonderful is that peacock print? There's a second print, but, well, I like this one better. I've seen these before with the teapot and single cup that stack together and thought, "Hey, that's a really good idea...I just don't like the pattern/color/design all that much." So I was ever-so-delighted to find this one that I find just perfect. Tea for me? Yes, thank you.

- Set of 6 Cappuccino Cups, that stack together, y'all! I must have a thing for stuff that stacks together, a love of streamlining if you will? I like that the pattern is combined on all six. They come with a chrome caddy, which I'm not sure of it's purpose but that's nifty, right? I've been wanting mugs, but was torn between not wanting them to all be the same and not wanting to have to "put together" my own set. So yeah, these are a happy little medium for that...

From Etsy:

- Apparently, I have a thing for necklaces right now, because I kept getting drawn in by them when I was looking around. And who wouldn't be with choices like the wood tree pendant and dandelion pendant from Garnish Home available? These are made of such pretty wood and the cuts are so cute I couldn't decide between the two of them. I also like that the artist offers them on a 20" chain if you so choose, and they have complimentary gift wrapping (excellent option for men/boys that usually opt for the gift bag). I just think it's awesome that they are artsy and chic at the same time...which I think is often attempted but not always achieved.

- Then there are those notched hoops that I mentioned in a previous post (Maggie J's). I still love them...

And the ones that go to a good cause...

From To Write Love on Her Arms:

That link is for the store, to get familiar with the cause (which is near and dear to my heart) go here. The shirts are hard for me to pick from, but my three fav's are these:

- Girls Paramore Title, very cool. They printed some of Paramore's awesome song lyrics in this one, and the printed colors in the title are perfection.
- Title Deon, White - I really like my black deon and I've been wanting a white one. They are so comfy...
- Girls All-Blaque Title - Um, this one's just neat-o.

(I'll take those in medium, thanks)

From Invisible Children:

The green grace bracelet. The bracelets are made by the children and the money goes towards helping them. There are three other bracelets and each comes with a story of an individual child. You can get them all together, pay a little less, and have four gifts for one bang (or three gifts and one for yourself).

I suppose that's quite the list, but once I started looking around a bit I just kept finding all these fabulous little things. Enjoy!

Between me and the kid at the Apple store:

2007-12-10T17:07:00.000-08:00

Me, holding the Nike thing that has your shoes and iPod communicate: So, does this only work with the Nano?

Him: Yeah, unfortunately...

Me: Because...Nike's stupid?

Him: Pretty much.

Me: I like my regular iPod...

Him, as I nod in agreement: I use my classic to run too, because I have more than five albums and one of them isn't the Rocky soundtrack. They really didn't think that through, plus it doesn't actually tell you how far you've gone. If you wanted to know your power song though, which if you run regularly with music you probably already know it...

Me: Well that's lame, definitely won't be getting those shoes...

Him: I wouldn't.

I love honesty.

more, more, more...

2007-12-06T14:52:00.000-08:00

...about me! Just so you know, I am completely aware of my quirkiness and oddness (I just happen to think those are some of the things that make me so darn cute).

Numbers 31-40

31. I still sleep with the teddy bear my dad got me when I was about two years old. I call him "Bear," which may not sound all that creative but...OK, maybe it's not. I cried for my mom to get it for me in the store, she said "no," and walked away. Imagine her surprise when my dad and I come out of the store and I'm ripping my stuffed treasure out of the package. Dad's response to her accusatory reaction? "What? She was crying..."
32. I'm a Friends trivia genius. Part of this has to do with how often I watch(ed) the show. Part of it has to do with how well I remember random stuff/everything.
33. I actually love trivia in general. Trivial Pursuit was my favourite board game even as a kid.
34. I hate Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. I don't have a really good reason for this, but it is the one song in their catalogue I truly can't stand listening to. What's even worse is that people don't take me seriously when I say this and continue to play it (really loud) or sing it. That's really not nice to do when it's making someone die inside, just so you know.
35. I love playing hostess. I'm always really disappointed if I can't manage to serve them good food and make them breakfast if they stay over, I want it all to be perfect. I'm also really sad if people can't come over at all. It's probably all part of that acts of service thing I like to do.
36. I don't get along with my dad. We have our moments, but for the most part we really, really annoy each other (and that's probably putting it very nicely).
37. I could probably quote you The Emperor's New Groove in it's entirety. That movie is freakin' hilarious and I don't care what anybody says.
38. I have a very irrational fear of leeches. Scream-and-run-far-away-if-I-see-one-on-T.V. kind of fear.
39. I also freak out when it's time for the blood pressure cuff at the doctor's office. I'm convinced that my blood pressure is actually quite low but comes out looking normal because it gets raised when I have a mini panic attack every time they put that thing on me.
40. Do you remember the movie Rock-a-doodle? I love, love, loved that movie when I was a kid. It was super cool, seriously.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, my daddy taught me how to sing
And that's why this voice means everything

Sun do shine, you better shine
(You better shine)
Well, the sun do shine, you better shine
(You better shine)
You better shine
(You better shine)"
- Rock-A-Doodle

life from the couch

2007-12-05T19:12:00.000-08:00

I'm not a fan of how December is starting off...I mean this month should be packed full of way more excitement than this. There's not much I can do about it being all pathetically sick on the sofa yesterday, today, and what looks like one more for the home stretch tomorrow.

But, my Mandarin Cashmere candle from Arbonne came in the mail today and made my day so much better. It's like heaven in it's simplicity and oh-so-lovely scent. I just adore it. Please excuse the shameless plug for my business, but this is why I love it so much (because the products are so incredibly amazing).

Plus, I don't know if I've told you, but our stuff is vegan so I don't have to worry about that.

Oh, hurray for the little happy things!
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"I don't know what to say, so I'll just say what's in my heart: baboom, baboom, baboom." - Mel Brooks

no title

2007-12-04T17:31:00.000-08:00

Dear Last Year's Me:

Congratulations, you're graduating. You worked your ass off and you struggled with school like no one else you know so that you could get here. For you it is indeed one of your biggest accomplishments, because, Miss Bi-polar-depressive-cutter, you didn't completely give up. You're finishing, not necessarily with honors or a super G.P.A., but you made it. Today, you are still proud of yourself and grateful for the people that helped you get there. Don't worry, we won't ever stop thanking them for that.

I won't lie though, we don't have a killer job, a boyfriend, our own apartment, or even our own car right now. The job we have doesn't even use that degree we worked so hard to bring home.

But it's OK.

It's OK because of who we are. It doesn't look like we have a lot to show for it but we have become one of those truly awesome people that others really like.

No, really, people like us and we don't have to try that hard. They like us for who we are and what we've become. And you wanna know a secret? They always did. Why else would all those awesome people stick with us through all those crazy times and help however they could?

You are going to grow so much this year, and this time it's not even going to hurt that much. Sure, there will be bad stuff. There were moments I thought we wouldn't get back up. We did though, and easier than ever before. We aren't so fearful or confused about who we are now. We've embraced our independence and realized, for real this time, what makes us so very special.

And you know the Ex? The one that made you cry so much? You cut him out of your life shortly after you graduated and moved back home. Deleted his phone number and everything. We don't regret it, we were relieved and it may have been one of the best decisions we ever made. I wouldn't be here talking to you like this if we hadn't done it. I fully believe that. He called the other night after calling a couple different people to get our number. That he called was surprising, why he called was not. But this time, we really didn't feel sorry for him and we didn't do anything but listen and catch up. That night, we went to bed easily without crying and slept really well. Crazy, huh? Turns out the whole time you were the needed, not the needy. I don't know how everyone (including you) had you convinced it was the other way around for so long. Apparently, mom always knew how independent and strong-willed we are, how incredibly strong we are, but I guess we had to figure that out on our own.

You made good decisions, and I'm proud of you. Right down to the choice to wear red shoes to that graduation ceremony mom and dad made you attend. Don't begrudge them that, don't deny yourself that sense of accomplishment or feel cheesy for partaking in it. So many friends and professors watched you and knew that it was more than what it was for some other graduates, and you knew it too. We all knew that it hadn't been an easy ride, that you put blood and tears (literally) into that degree, that you truly earned it. Maybe the only way you use it is posting to your blog on a regular basis, but we love our blog so that's OK too.

We have an exciting future ahead of us. We don' t know the things we want to, like how soon we'll be in love and getting married or what we want to do about work, apartments, and such but we're going to keep moving forward.

I love you. I love us. Thanks for being so awesome.

Love,
This Year's Me

hack hack cough...augh...

2007-12-04T07:29:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning and thought I might be dying.

Alright, alright, that's a bit over dramatic. But I did (and do) feel awful, what with the swollen feeling in the very bottom of my throat and pressure in my chest, the scratchy throat (above the swollen feeling part) and the painfully dry cough reaching all the way from the bottom of my lungs.

Yeah, yuck, right?

So I called the substitute to see if she could work for me today and naturally she was already going in for someone else. Because why would we get sick at different times? That would make things too easy. Then I called the other girl that works in the daycare on the days I don't and was able to leave a pathetic sounding, "Wanted to see if you could go in today..." kind of voice mail. Now, since I couldn't get someone to go in for me I felt in would be irresponsible to just not show up, so I put myself together and headed off to the school hoping they would send me home.

They did and I am so grateful. I stayed for a little bit while they got everything straightened out and felt like a very bad caregiver indeed. Poor kids, I wasn't exactly being very nurturing but they only had to put up with me for about an hour and then one of the teachers came in and took over for me. Oh, the relief!

Now I am trying to continually remind myself why I am at home today: I need rest to get over this yuckiness. I keep thinking of all these little things I could get done with my "day off." However, the sensible, body-knows-what-it-needs side is doing a really good job of telling the busy, so-much-to-do-so-little-time side to keep its butt in this recliner and get better. I think it's doing such a good job because it's had plenty of practice. My body always reacts with the upper respiratory junk when I don't let it rest properly or get all stressed out. It happened so often in college I thought I might have TB. Ok, not really...but I did stop bothering to go to the doctor because I had the "diagnosis" and treatment memorized.

Blog quality will go up soon, promise.

Christmas spirit is here

2007-12-01T17:34:00.000-08:00

Right here. Right now.

I was having trouble getting into the Christmas spirit this year. Usually as soon as the decorations and wrapping papers and bows start popping up in the Target aisles I get so excited and will just linger among them for as long as possible. But this year, I wasn't feeling it as much and was holding out hope that once we started decorating, or put up the tree, or I started baking holiday cupcakes for everyone, I would just start bursting with carols and good cheer.

Or, I thought, something magical would happen and I would wake up, float out of bed, and be dancing the Nutcracker Suite on December first. That didn't happen, but once I got over being upset since I didn't get to sleep in and my mom and I starting pulling out boxes to decorate I was getting into it.

We got out the fake tree and put it together, it's one of the ones with lights already on it. Plugged it all in and the top half wouldn't light up. I stood there for twenty minutes or so going through each little light trying to figure out what was wrong, grumbling the whole time that we should just got get a real tree because fake trees are the bane of Christmas. I've been complaining about the fake tree ever since the first year we defaulted to one. I've been begging to go get a real tree for approximately seven years (maybe more? I've lost count).

Guess what? Right now, in our sitting room there is a REAL TREE! It's soft and full and smells so good. I was hopping around Lowe's and the guy helping us with it laughed at me. We got it home and little ol' me grabbed it and brought it into the house all by myself. There are even two little real pine cones on the REAL TREE.

And now, I am very much feeling that Christmas spirit. I love Christmas trees. I love Christmas.

Note: I would have pictures but I seem to have misplaced the cord for my camera, sorry.

Well that plan fell through

2007-12-01T10:50:00.000-08:00

Couldn't chill out the way I wanted to today, but perhaps I'll end up in bed early tonight to make up for all the sleep I missed out on this week.

Right now I'm trying to convince my parents that we should go get a REAL Christmas tree. Our fake one isn't lighting and ever since we got it I've been whining about not having a real one. I feel that after six years with a fake and with this one being busted it's the right year to go back to the real thing.

Maybe this year I'm at least getting us closer to getting a real one eventually...

hope for tomorrow

2007-11-30T21:37:00.000-08:00

So, no complaints, but I have been so freakin' busy this weekend. Lunch dates, dinner dates, concerts, friends, craziness. Tomorrow I have a plan:

1. Wake up whenever I happen to do so.
2. Get a little food...breakfast...whatever.
3. Watch T.V.
4. Do a little laundry.
5. Forget about laundry as I read various blogs, check e-mail, get caught up in said T.V., etc.
6. Finally take a shower around one in the afternoon, immediately put on some kind of pajamas and watch more T.V. as I check more blogs and MySpace.
7. Write on Facebook walls.
8. Pull out my guitar and actually practice, during commercials.
9. Begrudgingly give other family members the remote as I strum guitar and grumpily mumble about the shows they choose to watch.
10. Blog my deep thoughts about my life that is obviously so very interesting.

Sometimes your life is so crazy you just need that kind of day and I am not ashamed to say so.

and the list goes on

2007-11-29T14:51:00.000-08:00

Numbers 21-30

21. I have the biggest crush on Hyde from That 70s Show. I am fully aware that he is a made-up character on a T.V. show, but I'm seriously in love with him.
22. I probably could have just made a list of all the OCD things that I do instead of this list. It's pretty bad (not nearly the worst), but I've gotten really good at hiding how panicked I get when I somehow get prevented from doing those things or someone does them wrong.
23. If you've ever heard of the "love languages," mine are giving/receiving gifts and acts of service. If you want to show me you love me get me a little something that made you think of me or get my oil changed for me. If I get you little things or do your dishes, I'm totally crazy about you.
24. I own Hotel Rwanda on DVD but haven't actually watched it yet. I want to. There just hasn't been a time that I've had the time to prepare myself to sit down and watch it. I will though.
25. I love the scent of beer and smoke (from cigarettes, or another form of tobacco) on a man. Beer, I've been told is not so strange but cigarettes is apparently really weird. Sometimes if I wear my jacket into a smoky bar I won't wash it for a little bit so I can sniff it for a
couple days. Should I smoke a cigarette myself (very rarely), I'll be holding those two fingers up to my nose for hours later. There is no apparent reason for this.
26. I really can't deal with scary movies. I've had friends spend the night with me after scary movies because I couldn't be by myself (usually because somebody said some movie wasn't all that scary and they were really lying).
27. I was in modeling and acting classes all throughout middle school and well into high school.
28. I love grapefruit juice. I drink Ocean Spray 100% Juice and love it. I didn't at first but after a very short time I started getting little cravings for it. Now I go through bottles of it a little too quickly, I'm sure.
29. I want to go on a kayaking trip. The kind that takes a week or so, just hanging out on a river. I used to work in an outdoors store and it really made me want to take trips like that. I loved that job.
30. I still have hiking boots from that job that I've never really gotten to use. I won them in a boot fitting competition. We did custom boot fittings and I rocked the face off that contest and now those beautiful prize boots sit on a shelf in my closet.

more "lasers"

2007-11-28T17:50:00.000-08:00

Ok, so there were a couple questions about the laser hair removal that I didn't answer because I didn't think anyone would really want to know about it, but apparently I was wrong. I decided to write another post in order to answer them.

The first question was about where I'm getting it done and the answer to that is my underarms and bikini (Brazilian). Being a Florida girl, it's tough not being able to wear a swimsuit or tank/tube top whenever you want because shaving is such pain (both physically and "emotionally"). These are the places that are most important to me but I've been told the procedure is addictive and I may end up wanting more areas done (I'd say it's actually the results that are most addictive and not so much the procedure itself). Maybe someday I won't be able to go on living without getting my legs done too, or something.

Anyway, the next question was about what laser hair removal actually is. For that I will be referencing Wikipedia and my own experience from tonight. Ok, from Wikipedia:

The primary principle behind laser hair removal is selective photothermolysis. Lasers can cause localized damage by selectively heating dark target matter in the area that causes hair growth while not heating the rest of the skin. Light is absorbed by dark objects, so laser energy can be absorbed by dark material in the skin (but with much more speed and intensity). This dark target matter, or chromophore, can be naturally-occurring or artificially introduced.

Hair removal lasers selectively target Melanin:

Melanin is considered the primary chromophore for all hair removal lasers currently on the market. Melanin occurs naturally in the skin (it gives skin and hair its color). There are two types of melanin in hair: eumelanin (which gives hair brown or black color) and pheomelanin (which gives hair blonde or red color). Because of the selective absorption of photons of laser light, only black or brown hair can be removed.

And

Laser is attracted to dark pigment and therefore works best with dark coarse hair. Light skin and dark hair are an ideal combination, but new lasers are now able to target dark black hair even in patients with dark skin.

So that's the scientific gist of it. Here's my take:

When you go in for your first session of laser hair removal and two technicians both look at the areas you're there for and say, "Poor baby, no wonder you're here!" then you made the right decision. You know how it says laser is attracted to dark pigment and therefore works best with dark coarse hair? Yeah, that's me, dark coarse hair. The woman working with me told me I was the perfect candidate. They put an ultrasound gel on the area and then pulse systematically with the laser. The darker the hair, the hotter it has to be and the more likely it will be to sting like hell. It hurt. Momentarily. I was still cringing so badly that we switched lasers. This is because of that dark coarse hair we mentioned and the fact that my skin was a bit irritated because you have to shave before you go in. Let's just say, not everyone will have that problem.

It still wasn't hurting me in the sense that there will be permanent damage. On the contrary, it will get better and better until there's nothing but soft, smooth skin. The technician also gave me a bunch of tips on keeping the pain to a minimum so that the laser could be set a little higher (for maximum efficiency).

The sessions are spaced out quite a bit, eight weeks, but you can shave as much as you need to in between and that will keep getting easier (until it's completely unnecessary, of course). I do wish I could go in sooner because it's one of those things you want to just jump to the end of out of excitement to see the results and just not wanting to deal with the sessions anymore. I've made it sound like it was excruciating but the pain was temporary and it's something the technician can adjust to a certain degree working with what you need (as in what will actually get the job done). Oh, and one more time, a lot of people won't have as much "discomfort" as i did.

The technician told me at the end, "You're not a big baby, you just have really thick, dark hair and so that's going to be extra tough at first. Just remember, ice, ibuprofen, and a B vitamin complex before you come in next time. If you need to, take something more and have someone else drive you."

Hope that answers all the important questions, I'm sure I just told you way more than you wanted to know. The above questions were put out there by Nicole Antoinette of More is Better and DS of Strange Musings of a Distracted Spunk, respectively. You should be reading both of their blogs if you're not already because they are most excellent.

Any other questions I will gladly answer via comments.

"lasers"

2007-11-27T16:17:00.000-08:00

All I ask is for sharks with freakin' laser beams attached to their heads!

As long as those lasers prevent unwanted hair from returning to my body. Really, you might not want to know this at all but I'm just so-very looking forward to it: I signed up for laser hair removal today.

The wonderful lady doing my consultation asked me if I'd been considering it for awhile and I said, "Well, ever since I heard that there was such a thing I've been ready for it." And it is so true.

A bit nervous about paying for it in the long run, but fully aware that the amount I won't be spending on shaving/waxing/etc. supplies will more than even it out. And without going into too much detail, a lifetime without razor burn is well worth the money. However, should you desire to donate toward a fund to pay for this stuff I'll accept your money.

Actually, I signed up today because I won a big chunk of money towards the procedure and they had two other deals they were willing to give me as well (usually they wouldn't let me use three at once).

I've never been so into lasers. Well, other than how cool light sabers are.

the things I say that make my mother roll her eyes

2007-11-26T17:01:00.000-08:00

Cue: An "Every kiss begins with Kay" commercial.

"I don't think so, if you wanna kiss me it better start with 'Cartier,' or 'Tiffany's,' or 'two tickets to Prague,' or..."

And then she rolled her eyes to the point I thought they might get stuck...

ooh and ah

2007-11-25T18:19:00.000-08:00

Look at the cuteness I found on Etsy:

They are the sweetest little necklaces! You can find them from bridgetmbird and there are enough designs to suit most any fancy. I love the simplicity and the uniqueness they have. Perfect for an outfit that needs that extra girly flair without going overboard.

So lovely...

random thoughts

2007-11-25T17:29:00.000-08:00

All the stuff that's running around in my head isn't really staying long enough for me to remember it. I think I'm going mad because I just think think think myself in circles. I mean really, how many thoughts can one brain hold?

Oi, what am I doing with my life?

Poetry to come soon, I realized I haven't posted much of it in quite a while. I need to go through the notebooks and sort out what I can put together.

because:

2007-11-24T15:17:00.000-08:00

the world keeps spinnin' round and round
and my heart's keepin' time to the speed of sound
I was lost 'til I heard the drums, then I found my way...
'cause you can't stop the beat

-Just thought you should know.

Hmm...

2007-11-23T09:09:00.000-08:00

Ever have trouble deciding what to do? I don't mean with your life, or anything cosmic of that nature. I'm just talking about for the day or the weekend.

I do.

I am the walrus

2007-11-22T19:21:00.000-08:00

Tagged again! Because it's one I've not been tagged for before and it seemed like a fun one, I bumped it to the front of the line and decided to do it tonight. Nicole Antoinette tagged me and hers came out very interesting, so let's see what happens.

What you do:
1. Put Your iTunes/music player on shuffle
2. For each question press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT

Then you tag five more people and ta-da!

If someone says “is this Okay,” you say?
You Got That Right - Lynyrd Skynyrd (that's funny, don't know why this is in my collection though)

What would best describe your personality?
The Changeling - The Doors (yeah, baby!)

What do you like in a guy/girl?
The Way I Feel - Matt Wertz (Aw...that's cute)

How do you feel today?
Your Mother Should Know - The Beatles (HAHAHA!)

What is your life's purpose?
Razzle Dazzle - Richard Gere and Cast, Chicago (hmm...what does that say about me?)

What is your motto?
There is no Mathematics to Love and Loss - Anberlin (true, true)

What do your friends think of you?
Crazy - Time Blane (I don't know how I feel about that)

What do you think of your parents?
Sick and Tired - Eric Clapton (I'm sure they are a bit, or I am of them...)

What do you think about very often?
Bigger Than My Body - John Mayer (word)

What is 2+2?
Only One - Lifehouse (one four, right?)

What do you think of your best friend?
Sweet Potato Pie - Ray Charles and James Taylor (she is, too)

What do you think of the person you like?
The Last Ones Standing - Corey Crowder (so, like, he's the last single friend too?)

What is your life story?
More Than Fine - Switchfoot (I sure hope so)

What do you want to be when you grow up?
No One Else - Weezer ('cause I'm so cool the way I am)

What do you think when you see the person you like?
Please Take Me Home - Blink-182 (and make me your wife...?)

What do your parents think of you?
Like a Star - Corinne Bailey Rae (I'm just such a shining light in their lives)

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Where You Are - Marc Broussard (well that will be just lovely)

What will they play at your funeral?
Riders on the Storm - The Doors (that seems appropriate)

What is your hobby/interest?
Make You Smile - (+44) (I do like to make people smile)

What is your biggest secret?
A Murder of One - Counting Crows (I promise, that's not true at all)

What do you think of your friends?
One More Year - Altar White (yes we have had another year together, and Altar White are my friends...that works...)

What should you post this as?
I Am the Walrus - Bono and Secret Machines, Across the Universe Soundtrack

Well that was fun, now I must tag five more people but I think I'm just going to leave it open for anyone that wants to do it. It was fun and you should give it a try!

give thanks, love all, serve all

2007-11-22T06:54:00.000-08:00

Ah, Thanksgiving, the day everyone in States celebrates the day we took over the natives' land and eventually sent them packing to the less desirable parts of the nation.

Really, I'm not that person. It's actually a really nice holiday for a lot of people getting together with their families without all the pressure that comes with Christmas. It's not my personal favourite holiday, I just always got excited about the week off from school I got (unfortunately that's not the case this year, Thanksgiving week is a very normal one for me with work).

I know lot's of families have their nice little traditions, gathering around big bird carcasses (I just realized that sounds like I'm talking about the one from Sesame Street, but it's funny so I'm not changing it) and eating way too much food. And inevitably everyone gets asked leading up to the day, "What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" My response is fun, ready for it? I don't think you are but I'll tell you anyway, my family goes to the Hard Rock Cafe and enjoys what little stress is involved in not running around the kitchen all day. Oh yeah.

It started just last year when we asked ourselves the question, "What do we want to do for Thanksgiving?" Mom's answer, "I don't want to cook." So we all started thinking of a cool place we could go to eat Thanksgiving dinner and came up with a place that has food and music, Hard Rock. We went, had a great time, and as we were sitting there we decided that it must officially become tradition. I think it's the first year that there wasn't a lot of fighting (for the most part) or eye-rolling (ok, not so much with the eye-rolling, I mean, I was there).

And that's the story of Thanksgiving.

Hopefully I'll figure out how to be comfortably vegan at our meal this year, it might be a tad bit of a challenge. I think the only bad part will be obnoxiously asking the waitperson all kinds of questions about what's in stuff and possible substitutions. Next year, remind me to call ahead.

By the way, right now I'm watching the parade and getting a tad bit jealous of the coats and scarves. Who am I? Because that has never happened before. I'm kind of missing seasons right now, crazy.

Alright then, on to the thanks in Thanksgiving:

- As much as I wish there were a little more distance between us most of the time, I'm ever-so-grateful for my family. They're good people.
- My friends are awesome, wherever they happen to be residing right now. I love them and they mean the world to me. I'm so thankful for them because I know I wouldn't have made it through some stuff if God hadn't blessed me with such beautiful friendships.
- Arbonne, the products that make my life easier and the opportunities the business provides me. Hooray for healthy!
- Music, because really, what would my life be without it? Nothing, an empty shell.
- The babies at work. As much as I have to complain about and as stressful as it can be to deal with them three days a week (seriously, my boss, L.'s mommy asked me the other day as we were leaving, "Do you not go home and just drink?"), I do have a lot of fun with them. They are funny, sweet (when they want to be), and their hugs are the best kind.
- My voice. In most of the ways that can be interpreted.

And all the little stuff, I've got a lot to say "thanks" for!

Have a fantastic Thanksgiving everyone!

Oh so enchanting!

2007-11-21T18:50:00.000-08:00

I have just arrived home from seeing Enchanted and if I may just get straight to the point, I adored it. So charming and so funny, it sparkles.

If you aren't already aware of the premise it goes something like this: prince and girl fall in love in perfect, animated world; wicked step-mother pushes girl into well on her wedding day and girl falls into live-action New York where she meets a single dad and his daughter who help her. Hilarity ensues.

I mentioned in a previous post how eager I was to see it as my favourite Broadway star, Idina Menzel plays a role and that was what made me need to see it. And as much as I really loved her part and her in it, the rest of the movie was beyond my expectations. I suppose I didn't expect it to be so smartly entertaining. What else? The characters were fantastic, casting made all the right choices. Amy Adams was so adorable and entertaining playing the lead, Gisele, I almost forgot I was watching a Disney movie (and not because of the type of humour).

You really should go see it, especially if you're of the feminine persuasion (or of the masculine one and want to learn a little something). My future "someone" should be forewarned, I will make you watch this movie a lot leading up to, and throughout our marriage someday (just so you know).

nice little surprises

2007-11-20T20:59:00.000-08:00

I just checked in at BlogMad to do some surfing and look around and guess what? I found out that my blog was the blog of the day on Monday!

How exciting is that?

Yay!

no, really, I love being vegan

2007-11-20T19:37:00.000-08:00

What? Why won't you believe me?

One of the most frustrating things I have faced in becoming vegan has not been finding things to eat. I have actually grown more adventurous and developed a love of trying new things. There are so many flavors and great foods out there that are good for you and fully lacking animal products.

No, the most frustrating thing has been trying to eat in non-vegan friendly places with omnivores. I went to T.G.I.Friday's with my parents on Saturday, and the only quasi-healthy option that appealed to me was chips and salsa (with a gigantic margarita, and I say "quasi-healthy" because the only other thing was deep fried green beans which I decided are less healthy). Tomorrow at work they are offering up a Thanksgiving pot-luck lunch and there may be be salad, but even that is not always safe what with cheese, creamy dressings, eggs, or things that people put in salad now. Even this, inherently, is not what really bothers me about having to eat like this. What really bothers me is that I end up looking like a vegan martyr.

It's not that I can't eat anything, people. It's that you just hone in on those few foods that I find entirely inedible and decide those are the only foods in the world that belong on your menu, promptly forgetting that there are other options out there. I don't think I'm suffering from being vegan, stop looking at me like that.

Tomorrow I will take a pumpkin cheese pie that I found the recipe for in Eat, Drink, and be Vegan (awesome cookbook, get it and you won't be disappointed). I'm pretty excited about it, even though I just took it out of the oven and the very edges of the crust look a little dark. I'm excited because it will probably taste good, and people will see that I don't have to miss out on really good food. And this pie didn't even take a whole lot of effort or crazy ingredients.

Oh, and protein? Well, I take it intravenously from needles that all the vegans share. We tried snorting it but it just didn't work out as well. No, seriously, that's why we're all so thin and shaky, we're malnourished and hopped up on protein injections.

Just needed a somewhat sarcastic and venting-type post, it's been awhile. I now encourage you to go out and hug a vegan, or someone different if you are, in fact, a vegan.
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"I am a deeply superficial person."
--Andy Warhol

just can't get a break...

2007-11-19T16:27:00.000-08:00

...man.

I am sick again. There was a brief period where I was all, "Hey, all that congestion seems to be clearing up and the babies didn't get me all that sick this time." I suppose what happened was that my immune system was in a somewhat weakened state, allowing a little stomach bug to invade. I spent all day feeling like I was about to throw up what little I ate and making sure I could visualize the route to the nearest receptacle available for this purpose at all times.

Thankfully, I never actually had to vomit. I know that you were really curious about all the gory details...

I made it home to sit and eat crackers while perusing the blogging world and watching television. After finishing my cup of detox tea with a teaspoon each of sugar and soy vanilla creamer, I decided it was time to get to my own corner of said blogging world and write something for all of you, my lovely readers, to come take a gander at.

So, because I am not quite myself I'll do yet another installment of things about me.

#11-20

11. I really can't stand when people use the word "hate" when referring to a person or people. It just makes me really uncomfortable. It's just uncalled for, especially if you're saying something like "I hate people that use the word 'like' too much." No, you hate that someone uses the word "like" too much, not the person doing it.
12. I hate when people use the word "like" too much.
13. I often speak in the plural about myself. I think this is due to the way my brother and I grew up (see number seven). We were really close, so I'll stay stuff like "We hated Sesame Street, we would always rather go read or play outside."
14. My laugh is really goofy.
15. I get it into my head pretty often that I'd like to up and move. The top three places I think about are Nashville, London, and Prague. I like change and I get restless, it's the bohemian gypsy in me.
16. I do not like chocolate. No really, I don't. And yes, that just means more for you.
17. I was raised on good music, classical to classic rock. So now I love all kinds of good music, if it's quality I'm a fan.
18. I have six piercings. Two per ear plus one industrial. My nose. My bottom lip. My navel. They are less expensive than tattoos and don't take as much planning, so I have ended up with more of them.
19. I have two tattoos. The one mentioned in number seven. One on my lower back (that's right) and it was my first one. It's a star-type deal, but there's some things I want to do to make it a bit more special.
20. I plan to get a few more tattoos. Don't get all shocked mom, I already told you. One of them will be a tribute to my grandparents because they have great significance for me.

If I keep getting sick we'll get to one hundred pretty quick, and before you know it maybe a thousand. Are there a thousand fascinating things about me? Probably not something to aim for...
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I am a wanderer I have no place or time,
I'm just drifting on this lonely road of mine,
If you like you can come along with me,
but I promise you that I am not the man I used to be...
but I promise you that I am not the man I used to be...
-- "The Wanderer," Marc Broussard

you get ten at a time

2007-11-18T19:14:00.000-08:00

Ten. Got it? That's it.

We're jumping off that bridge with 100 Things About Me since I should go to bed (and I am a bit sleepy) but don't completely feel like it because that means tomorrow is almost here.

100 Things About Me, #1-10

1. Snow White is/was my favourite fairy tale. We're not necessarily talking Disney, I loved that story in whatever book it was in. I want to collect lots of pretty copies of it and have a whole shelf (or smallish bookcase) dedicated to it.

2. Les Miserables made me cry like a baby at the end. It is a very close second to Anna Karenina on my list of favourite books.
3. My brother and I are complete opposites, but we are really close. We can talk about nerdy childish obsessions for hours (examples include Transformers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Latin).
4. I am really good at learning languages. There are quite a few I would like to actually practice and know enough to actually use them. Top five: Czech, German, French, Italian, Russian.
5. My favourite colour fluctuates constantly. Right now it might be red, before that it was green. I should just say they're all my favourite and leave it at that.
6. I'm obsessed with music. It is pure joy.
7. I suffered really badly with bipolar disorder and depression from high school all throughout college. I had really bad panic attacks and cut myself. When I gave it up to God He pulled me through, the tattoo on my left wrist is a name for Him over the spot I used to cut.
8. I hate doing things by myself, purely because of my incredibly social nature. I probably annoy my loved ones by getting needy when I'm not getting much socialization.
9. I'm not very good with affection. It takes awhile for me to get comfortable enough to hug someone (or things of that nature), I even weird out when people sit too close too me.
10. Do not bother me when I'm in the shower, it will not bode well for you. That's me time, and I will get really pissy if you try to interact with me in any way while I am trying to bathe.

That's your ten for today. Maybe we'll go beyond one hundred and I'll just do ten when I feel inclined to do so. It could be interesting to see what number I get to.
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"Well she's fashionably lean
and she's fashionably late
she'll never rank a scene
she'll never break a date
but she's no drag
just watch the way she walks..."
--"Twentieth Century Fox," The Doors

I want to be...

2007-11-18T14:08:00.000-08:00

...the next Dr. Who sidekick.

I mean, I know the role is probably already cast, but how cool would that be? I'm just sayin' we'd be a good team, the Doctor and I.

we named it "Jill"

2007-11-17T19:42:00.000-08:00

Mom: Why does it want you to go that way? (Talking about the new Garmin navigation thingy).

Dad: It goes by the major roads.

Mom: Well you know where you're going, can we turn it off?

Dad: No, it will reprogram for the easy route.

Jill: Recalculating...

Mom: She's mad at you.

Me: Yeah, she thinks you're a jerk.

Mom: She's says "recalculating" like she's frustrated with you.

Me: Yeah, "recalculating, d**n it, son of a b***h..."

parent day

2007-11-17T19:12:00.000-08:00

Tentative plans to frolic and play did not work out. However, some of us are plotting for picnic/frolic/photo/guitar time for the afternoon tomorrow...

Instead, I hung out with my parents today. That is not a bad thing (because I haven't done it in awhile and I get free stuff). We went to see Beowulf, in 3D(!). That's right, 3D(!) baby.

I was never a fan of the story itself, so I was pretty nonplussed by the movie. I was really only there because pops was paying and there wasn't anything else I was more interested in seeing, along with the 3D(!) thing. However, it was pretty well done and I really want to buy the song that Idina Menzel (oh-how-I-love-her) recorded for the soundtrack.

The theatre that we go to is right next to this discount bookstore that has some kind of magnetic field that my family is in no way immune to, so we ended up in there after the movie. We got a bunch of books and there were plenty more that we had trouble keeping our hands off of. I even swindled my dad into putting a couple of mine on his tab. All together we spent maybe fifty dollars on over a hundred dollars worth of books (and two CDs). Books are like crack to my family, we're always trying to find more room for our books. And once we seem to have fit them all in (which, actually, I'm not sure that has ever happened), more books arrive and we have to hunt down a home for them. Which explains this exchange in the bookstore:

Mom (as she see the four or five books in my hands) "Whoa."
Me (with that "what?" look on my face) "This is not my fault."
Mom "That's true..."

After that we went to dinner, and that's not really special at all. But it was kind of nice to chill with my parents (and get a little free food). I did feel bad when the drink I ordered came to the table and it was really big, I mean huge. Then when the check showed up the price wasn't any less shocking. I felt bad...especially because I'm not entirely sure it was worth it.

That's about it, I'm not very interesting today. I had to default to the "what I did today" post since most of the stuff I'm planning to write about is still coming together in my head.

I'm just so fully committed to this NaBloPoMo thing. More than half-way I've got to keep going, right?

heaven in a recycled paper cup

2007-11-16T15:01:00.000-08:00

Today I had a twelve ounce, vanilla, hemp milk latte. How did I ever live without it? The Drunken Monkey is officially the coolest coffee shop I'll be frequenting.

I cannot explain with words how good it was. It is possible I will quickly form an addiction to this beverage. I could probably even go without the flavoring, it was the hemp milk that made it so wonderful.

Tomorrow I want to go get one and then go frolic and play in a park. Up for it Becka? I'm dead serious, bring your camera and we will go find a cool playground. We will swing really high, do cartwheels, and take cool pictures. Pretty please? Please, please, please?

Singlehood

2007-11-16T07:12:00.000-08:00

I am the last one.

Well, the last female anyway. Among my close circle of friends (you know, the ones that make up the core of your social group) I am "the single girl." There are a couple of guys that are also single, but I am that third/fifth/seventh wheel. It's not my favourite thing.

Don't get me wrong, I adore my friends. They are some of the most beautiful, talented, comical people I have had the privilege of being associated with. But at times (ok, most times) I feel a little twinge of jealousy when I'm the only one at the table without a hand to hold.

I'm not usually this candid.

I've had one "real" relationship in my life. It started off wonderfully. We made a lot of mistakes. It ended terribly. He shattered my heart into a thousand little fragments I never thought I would put back together. A friend of mine told me once that because I'm opinionated and not scared to speak my mind, have had my heart broken the ways I've had, and still wear it on my sleeve, I'm one of the sexiest women he knows. I didn't feel it at the time, I was flattered and it endeared me to him but I just couldn't really believe him.

Now I can kind of see that.

I think about relationships, the way they should be, and I get this tug behind my navel that says "I want that." I want it more than I want a Macbook, a dog, a white Mercedes, a house in the hills of a beautiful southern state, or to sing on Broadway.

There have been guys, some that I really didn't like and some that I really did. The ones I liked didn't make it past that awkward phase. I got nervous, said something (or things) that weren't me and I didn't really mean so they didn't get to know me and moved on. Because the person I portrayed wasn't cool, intelligent, or funny. She was just dumb. And she was scared, scared to get really honest because then they would abandon her completely devastated just like he did.

I didn't give us a chance to get close so that if it didn't work out, no one's broken-hearted.

I want to get out there and meet him, fear be damned because the payoff will be huge.

So let's get honest. Let's not shy away from who we are.

I am opinionated and I think myself into dizziness. I love fiercely and care deeply. I am smart and funny and full of creative potential. I wear my heart on my sleeve but hide behind the walls I built for myself.

I am beautiful and he's going to be the luckiest guy I'll know.
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I can't believe I'm putting this out there...

I want you...

2007-11-15T07:07:00.000-08:00

...I want you so bad
I want you
I want you so bad it's drivin' me mad,
it's drivin' me mad...

Sitting here using my evil-imp-possessed laptop (I hate you, Dell), I decided to meander onto the wonderful dream that is the Apple website to ogle the 13-inch, white, 2.2 GHz Macbook. I sit and read the same information I've read who knows how many times before, looking at the same pictures, wishing I could miraculously find the money under the sofa to go to the Apple store today and bring one home.

It's not too lofty a dream, it's definitely my next computer when this one is officially out of commission. For now, I just wait for the opportunity to chuck this thing in the retention pond and sit down with a beautiful addition to my little family. I just hope I can resist the urge to do the throwing part before the addition part.
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Today I am sick. My throat is scratchy and icky feeling, my nose is stuffy, and my sinuses feel swollen (if that makes any sense at all). All the babies have been congested and stuffy, D. even has a minor ear infection, and this time around they passed it to me. It's not much fun, but it could be worse considering my current state of "in-between" health insurance. In that case, anything I don't need a doctor for is probably the bright side.

I'm it!

2007-11-14T15:33:00.000-08:00

I got tagged by Lauren and I'd feel bad if I ignored it or something. Plus, it's kind of a neat tag game.

Firstly, the rules:
Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
Share seven random/weird facts about yourself.
Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Here we go, seven random/weird facts about yours truly:
1. I don't get out of bed until the time ends in an even number or ends in five. It's one of many OCD quirks. It's one I only just noticed recently, but noticing those has become very mundane for me.
2. I hate gauchos. I just cannot understand why anyone thinks they are cute. It really is just me though, and I can deal with that.
3. I was born in Naha, Okinawa, Japan. I don't think that's either random or weird, but I don't think I've shared it here yet.
4. I have been testing at post-college reading levels since about fourth or fifth grade. The "Accelerated Reader" program wasn't quite accelerated enough for me, they never had books past an eighth grade level.
5. On the other hand, I still have a very loose grasp of my multiplication tables, and sometimes even problems with addition and subtraction. Basically, I just never bothered to learn them. Even that young I had a firm grasp on what I thought was a waste of my time. Perhaps I should have learned them though.
6. I've never seen The Goonies. Apparently, this is just awful and my friends tell me I have to see it. I tell them I want to and a viewing together would be oh-so-much fun, but I'm actually not all that interested in seeing it.
7. Ever since I was little I have had an intolerance to seafood. That means that its effects on me are nauseousness and vomiting, but my throat doesn't close up or anything crazy. My dad didn't believe me, thinking I just didn't like it, for a long time and would make me eat fish anyway. When I would visit my ex's family on the Gulf Coast in Mississippi (people that live on a diet primarily of seafood) I got told, "You can't eat seafood?! That's awful, I would kill myself if I couldn't eat seafood!" a lot. And yes, that is so uplifting to hear.

Alright, so I have to tag people. Let's go with:
1. Becka (third tag's the charm, you really have to do it now)
2. Super Wife
3. Tattooed Mama
4. Nicole Antoinette
5. Sassy Belle (so...I see you've already done it and I guess that means you can ignore my tag)
6. I don't know
7. I don't know (sorry Lauren, my head's all stuffy and I lost my ability to think)

Have fun!

Hey, everything's right, yeah, everything's right tonight...

2007-11-13T20:06:00.000-08:00

I just got back from seeing Matt Wertz, Dave Barnes, and the Gabe Dixon band at the Social! Yes, that calls for the exclamation point.

I've loved Matt Wertz's music for a long time, and Dave Barnes' isn't too shabby either. The Gabe Dixon band was fantastic, I had heard of them but sometimes you have to see a group live to fully soak in their talent. The best part of the show was that the guys did a bunch of the old favourites, which is always a good call. It makes for that kind of show where everyone is all smiles and singing along with lots of energy. Wertz and Barnes are close friends so they did most of the show playing together and making jokes. It was a lot of fun and they were so funny.

I was really excited and went all by myself because I had never gotten to see Matt Wertz live before. I got right up front and could have touched him if I wanted to be that creepy kid. Several people I knew ended up being there though, so I had an even better time. I feel bad though because I was taking pictures of my friend with a couple of the artists and it did not go well. A bit of my finger was in one and the other was blurry from me not holding the camera steady. I suck at life...ok, I'm just sorry I messed up her pictures. A big highlight, however was when we met the guys after the show. One of my friends back in Alabama is also a big Wertz fan and said if he sang "Sweetness and Starlight" I could hold my phone up for her to hear it. Well, he didn't sing it. So when we joined the small crowd getting pictures and whatnot I called her and asked him to sing it to her over the phone. He got all shy and took the phone down the sidewalk a little bit, but he did it! He told her he gets embarrassed when people ask him to sing acapella. It was awesome!

It was a super exciting night, great stuff. I'll post soon about a cause that they have been working on and give you the information on how they are trying to help those less fortunate, right now I have a bunch of stuff to do and am quickly losing the ability to keep my eyes open as I do so.

I'm so happy, I'll be having wonderful dreams tonight!
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Fallin' asleep
To the sound of stars
Shooting 'round the moon
But I can't watch them fly tonight, baby
I'm too busy watchin' you.

I guess your smile is the sun's way
Of lighting up what's dark
So shine, shine, shine for me baby
It only takes a spark

Sweetness in starlight
Sweetness 'til day sighs
Sweetness in starlight
Sweetness 'til sun rise
-- from "Sweetness in Starlight" - Matt Wertz

I should look this person up:

2007-11-12T17:54:00.000-08:00

"Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious." -- Brendan Gill

not helping

2007-11-12T17:22:00.000-08:00

I know I've mentioned how crazy-forgetful I've been lately. I don't like it, because I'm not used to it at all.

You know what doesn't help? When random things happen like my browser deleting all my bookmarks. All of them. Gone. How am I supposed to find all the cool stuff I've collected online? All the nifty blogs, random items, cool websites, wish lists, and tools I need direct access to? I mean really, do I have time to go search for every last thing? I'll get to it, but how quickly I have no idea. I had a lot of stuff on there.

I almost threw my computer across the room when I found an empty bookmarks tab.

Thank you!

2007-11-11T18:30:00.000-08:00

I've noticed my blog on some new blogrolls lately and I am genuinely flattered and honored that y'all think my humble blog is noteworthy. So I just wanted to mention it and say thank you. I've enjoyed finding new friends to read as well and have tried to keep my blogroll updated with links to all of you as well!

Thanks again, pals of the blogging world!
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"For most of history, Anonymous was a woman" -- Virginia Woolf

Acrostics

2007-11-11T15:52:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I was thinking about this today, but I was and that's all there is to it. When I was in elementary school and we'd do a section on poetry we always had to look at acrostics and they always made us write one with our name. There were also times when they were used as exercises in building self-esteem and you'd have to write them for someone else or something. I hated when we had to do these. "Why," you might ask, "would you hate something so simple and inconsequential as acrostics?" And to that I would reply, "Because I have a frickin' 'x' in my name, that's why."

When you have an "x" in a word or a name the only thing you can come up with (as an elementary schooler) is either "xylophone" or "x-ray." Otherwise, you have to cop out and put a little "e" in front of it for "excellent."

So here's what I've come up with, it's not quite an acrostic (because I don't feel like formatting) but it's the myriad of words I could use today.

A is for amazing, artful, awesome, about to blow your mind, abnormal, absolute beauty, adaptable, adept, adorable, adventurous, already in your head, artist, attractive

L is for lovely, lactose-intolerant, lark, leggy, likely to think too hard, like liqueur on his lips, literary, lithe, little bit country, little bit rock and roll, luminous, laid-back

E is for eclectic, ethereal, effortless, egalitarian, eloquent, elusive lover, engaging, entertaining, entirely wonderful, epic in potential, ethical, exploding with song, eyeful

X is for xenial, xenomaniac, xenophiliac

I is for intensely thoughtful, illuminating, imaginative, immeasurably more than you expected, impalpable, imperfect, incredibly honest, indescribable, individual, inquisitive, instinctually creative, intelligent

S is for spell-binding, sexy, surely a great catch, sagacious, sarcastic, scandalously hot, scrappy, self-aware, so-not-very-serious, shockproof, show-stopper, social, spinach-eating, starry

Ta-da! That's all I have, "x" is still a hard letter to find words for that accurately describe a person such as myself...
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Now I know my ABCs, next time won't you sing with me?

Invisible Children

2007-11-10T11:06:00.000-08:00

Fall Out Boy has a really cool video out now:

I don't know if you are familiar with the Invisible Children films or the cause but I would ask you to visit their website, www.invisiblechildren.com, and take a look at what's going on. I have had friends working with them before, one in particular that went to Africa to do mission work with the group. It's a very worthwhile cause to be educated on and help in whatever way you can. My college did a lot of fundraisers when the first film emerged (and I believe it is still one of the big causes that gets support there) to offer assistance and I was really excited to see most everyone in my school come together for one thing. In a small school that was usually quite divided on most things, everyone saw a need and did what they could when we worked for Invisible Children.

It may upset you to check it out and honestly, I hope it does. These things we should not turn a blind eye to or gloss over. Terrible things are happening for some people and if we are in a position that we can do something, anything, let's do it. Christmas is coming and you could buy bracelets to give as gifts (they are made by the children), or make a donation in someone's name. Even if you just raise awareness and post a link, banner, or video on your website/blog/networking profile, you are doing something.
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"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -- Edmund Burke

Strawberry Fields Forever!

2007-11-09T05:03:00.000-08:00

I did, in fact, go to see Across the Universe by myself last night. I'm out of town tonight and tomorrow morning and figured I should make sure I saw it before it left the theatres. I've never gone to a movie by myself and I'm a little proud of myself for taking that little step. I can't say I've ever been what you would call a loner so doing things all by myself is something that scares me a bit as I didn't think it could be very fun or rewarding, but it's not that bad.

It was a fantastic film, truly wonderful. I've got a penchant for pretty much anything about that era-- and a movie jam packed with nothing but music from the Beatles? How could you pass that up? The use of the songs is close to perfection, the way it's matched lyrically and rhythmically to what's going on in the scene is fantastic. The story is also realistically charged with the feeling and ideas of the time, which is really carried out by the actors. It's the Beatles, it's trippy, it's got love, it's got politics, it's got me planning to shell out money for the soundtrack and the DVD when it comes out.

I feel a bit strange saying I want to get the soundtrack because, well, technically I already have it. I mean, all those songs are on the Beatles albums (However, I checked my iTunes list and somehow I only put Abbey Road and The White Album on there so I'll have to find the other ones we have and upload them lickity-split). But the soundtrack puts all those songs I want together with the covers from the movie (that were really good), following the whole movie storyline...you know how it is. With the soundtrack I'm more relating to scenes in the film and not singing along with the legends while I feel grateful that the Beatles were at one time in existence to put together such awesome music.

It's funny, sometimes you need a reminder as to why you love something and why it's so good. The movie was independently a really great work of art and also jogged my memory as to why that's some of my favourite music. But in the end, isn't that what most great art does?
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Does anybody else feel like time is going by a lot faster than usual? -- me, just now when I looked at the time...

lovely days part deux

2007-11-08T14:58:00.000-08:00

I've done nothing today. Except make those pancakes and just barely start doing laundry. I may run to Publix in a minute just to have gotten out and stretch my legs and whatever benefit that may have. The one thing I actually wish I'd done still isn't very productive, but all the same I should have gone to see Across the Universe. I've been wanting to see it since I saw the first preview and haven't had a chance yet. Naturally it's too late today as there's only one theatre relatively close to me still playing it, and it's out at Universal CityWalk and I'd rather not drive out there by myself and go through all those crowds. I should have checked the times because there was an earlier showing...maybe I'll still go, we'll see.

Anyway, I did edit a few pictures of the babies I took yesterday. I mean, my camera's not spectacular and I'm a novice and they move pretty fast...but...yeah...here ya go:

Funny man L.

D. on the swing.

Yeah, that book is upside down A.

And some thoughtful, "Aww" getters:

A is for angelic.

L is for looker.

That's all I got...don't take my pictures you don't have permission (just making sure we know that).

lovely days

2007-11-08T08:09:00.000-08:00

A day off to sleep in and live without a plan. If sleeping in means trying to stay asleep while the other people in your house make lots of noise and without a plan means just putting off stuff that you probably should get done. That being the case, it's still quite lovely. I'm kind of forcing myself to relax. I'm not usually one of those people that have trouble relaxing so it's a bit strange to have to force it...

I decided I wanted pancakes upon officially awakening. They are hands-down one of my favourite comfort foods, right up there with pizza (Man, I love pizza. Perhaps because I watched so much Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when I was a kid?). So I decided to try my hand at the recipe Super Wife featured on her blog recently. They were yummy. Although, I think I may have stirred them too much or something equally obsessive compulsive as they weren't all that fluffy. But they were still really good and maybe I'll do better next time. The part where it gets a little icky is that the only syrup in our house is laden with high fructose corn syrup. I didn't want to go syrup-less so I decided I can't be perfect all the time and I would have to pretend I just didn't know. I was very sparing though, just because I pretend it's not there doesn't mean I can drown those pancakes in it and feel good about myself in the morning. I will have to search for good syrup that doesn't have any of that grossness in it. I tend to be a little (ok, more than a little) picky about syrup and the stuff we have was, of course, my favourite. Recommendations are welcome, I'm just saying I'm not really looking forward to this search.

I'll have to start laundry sooner or later...for now I'm doing my running about online checking all those odds and ends I like to read while I watch Dharma and Greg.

Yes, it's a lovely day.

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I have traveled a thousand miles in my heart
At the end of the day
You have brought me back to you again
At the end of the day I am only yours
- "Only Yours," Altar White

For the love of meme

2007-11-07T17:05:00.000-08:00

I was actually excited when Becka tagged me for this one, like I said yesterday I've been too tired to think lately and that creates a lack of blog topics. So here we go, the first meme to appear on Paper Wings:

I Am...
a song that must be sung,
a book yet to be written,
a beautiful prize to be won.

I Want...
to be someone's muse,
to clumsily fall in love,
to be a magnetic ball of creativity.

I Have...
a lot to offer,
tons to be grateful for,
love love love.

I Wish...
I was closer to meeting my goals,
I was using my degree,
I had someone to cuddle up to.

I Fear...
certain levels of intimacy,
losing control and losing face,
I've said too much.

I Search...
for security,
for something new,
for loveliness.

I Wonder...
all the time,
about all kinds of things,
until I make myself dizzy.

I Regret...
not being honest before it loses relevance,
being too honest at the wrong moment,
too much.

I Love...
protectively and fiercely over time,
with my guard up,
easily before it gets too deep.

I Ache...
for sleep,
for mutual caring,
privately.

I Always...
lose patience with myself,
tend to be hard to impress,
try to think it through.

I Sometimes...
get clumsy,
cry (and don't tell anyone),
watch the Disney channel.

I Dance...
because I can't help it,
to let go without flying away,
to feel like I am flying away.

I Sing....
because my heart is brimming with music,
because it's my joy and my love,
too often when no one is listening.

I Never...
seem to stop thinking,
"learned" to read (it just happened),
think I'm "normal."

I Rarely...
care too much what other people think,
shy away from bold colours,
take anything seriously.

I Cry...
when it just can't be avoided,
alone when I can help it,
and I've been told it's beautiful...but it's hard to believe.

I Am Not Always...
selfless,
sympathetic,
paying attention.

I Lose...
my mind daily,
people when I talk at times,
at chess because I'd rather go do something else.

I'm Confused...
when there's no common sense,
by some aspects of relationships,
about/by my feelings.

I Need...
to sleep in tomorrow,
to do laundry,
to get out on my own.

I Should...
look for free-lance work,
find more clients,
step up to the microphone.

I'm Thinking...
"I hope my dreams are sweet tonight,"
"I want another Tofutti Cutie,"
"I have so much to do..."

I don't really know who to tag...so if you want to tag yourself, feel free and say I did it.

blank

2007-11-06T19:01:00.000-08:00

Is there a limit on how many nervous breakdowns one person gets in a lifetime? If so, I might not be allowed to have any more.

Actually, I feel like I'm doing ok. I am consistently stressed out but I think I'm managing to take it a day at a time. But that might be code for "I am in a daze and not actually completely aware of what is going on around me." I don't like being this tired and absentminded all the time but I'm trying to deal knowing that there's not much I can do that will give me instant gratification on this one.

The thing I have noticed is the amount of food going into my mouth on a daily basis. I have never eaten so much consistently before. Stress eating. In no way does my lack of time to go grocery shopping help this problem. I've been dashing into places and grabbing something I can munch on. My choices aren't usually very unhealthy, but I just eat eat eat. It's probably not the best situation for my budget or my waistline. I'm considering doing a fast. I think it would help get me refocused in a lot of ways. Work on self control and paying attention to what's going on with my head.

I definitely feel that if I'm not making myself aware of what's going on internally then it will all build up on that back burner and then burn my whole house down. I already tend to let things accumulate before I have one big private tearfest in my room once a month or so.

This stressed out sleepy girl needs to get to bed. I keep forgetting all the cool things I planned to to for NaBloPoMo but hopefully they will come back to me. The weekend posts will be better...they've gotta be, right?

Whew...

2007-11-05T16:56:00.000-08:00

Perhaps just a need to catch up on sleep as for some reason I could not get much sleep Saturday night. It took awhile to actually fall asleep and then I kept waking up throughout the night. Then yesterday I had trouble finding sleep again, at naptime and bedtime. Today I kept falling asleep in random places. And if you were wondering, when you are supposed to be watching small children, this is not a good thing. Basically, keeping up with them is a bit harder when you keep dozing off. Thankfully, this didn't really hit me until all but one were taking naps and she was in her highchair. Unfortunately, I was still drifting when she was out of her highchair and we were in the playroom.

So I had to make a choice because the simple solution to my problem was the Pepsi vending machine around the corner. Now, as a rule, I tend to stay away from soda as we all know it is the opposite of good for you. And because it's not often that I do have it, it will make me a little sick feeling. But I was so tired I decided to go get a bottle, because I can't be all, "I don't know how she got a bloody nose, I was asleep." I was proud of myself though, as the equivalent of how much I drank was probably three or four shot glasses (out of a whole bottle) and usually I would force myself to drink the whole thing because I spent a whole dollar on it.

It did the trick, I managed to stay alert until the end of the day. I even went to the gym. Hopefully, I will be sleeping soundly tonight and be able to post something super tomorrow, as opposed to this rambling.

oh, yeah...

2007-11-04T16:55:00.000-08:00

I just had that Sunday moment, the one I have every Sunday, where I remember, "Oh...I have to go to work tomorrow. Man..."

It's not that I really hate my job, it's that I really, really enjoy my breaks.

And that's life.

flutter

2007-11-03T16:25:00.000-07:00

I have this new thing for false eyelashes.

I have always loved the look of long, black-as-night numbers that curl just right. And mine don't take much mascara to achieve this. But recently I tried the false eyelashes for a little extra something and haven't really wanted to not wear them since. Have you tried them? They rock.

Check me out:
They're major and they're here to stay. It's going to be a full-blown addiction.

Break the spell...of the typical

2007-11-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

I'm still all a flutter on a Mute Math high.

If you aren't familiar with them, I suggest you get yourself to their MySpace page quickly. Let me warn you, if you don't watch the videos or any live performances you will not fully appreciate all that makes them so fantastic. I got to see them about a year and a half ago (perhaps?) when I was in school in Montgomery and my friend called me and told me to come meet him in Birmingham because there was a band I needed to see. So I borrowed someone else's car and zipped on up there to become totally hooked by the antics I saw at Workplay. It was one of the most incredible shows I had ever seen in my life. And tonight they were here, in my city, playing approximately thirty minutes away and I had to work very hard to control my excitement. This show was bigger, House of Blues was packed. When I saw them at Workplay there was a smaller crowd (but still a good size with obvious fans). They came on tonight and went non-stop, and I was glad to know I hadn't just built them up in my head exaggerating the experience I'd had before. They were and are that awesome.

There is so much energy in the show. No one stays in one place for too long. The sound doesn't fit into a special little box, but you can hear all sorts of influences (The Police not being the least of these). I wish I could just see them live continually, just whenever I felt like it as if I were just heading out for a last minute night on the town. They are one of those must-see groups that you can't get out of your head, and you don't want it gone. It's music you can sink your teeth into.

I could just ramble on for awhile about how much I love them and how good they look as they do it (Paul Meany is hot, I can't help it), but I'll stop myself and go off to get some sleep with dreams filled with dramatic adventures involving music made from light.

P.S. I'll snag some of the photos Nate took on his iPhone and post them later.

Isn't she lovely?

2007-11-02T13:04:00.000-07:00

I think I'll take a few minutes to make todays post all about this cool chick I know, Lauren. If you feel so inclined, check out her blog here.

Lauren is one amazing person, as of now she is working full time, starting a photography business with her hubby, training to be a firefighter and getting up super early three days a week to be at rowing practice. And she still manages to keep her apartment cleaner than I would have it if I were doing all those things and cook yummy things to eat.

I don't see how Lauren couldn't be successful at all these things. She has tons of talent and she's been sticking it out with this intense training for the firefighting stuff (plus the rowing, I'm amazed she's actually moving freely when I see her). Don't just take my word on her talent though, check these out for yourself:

One of my favourite portraits she's done of yours truly.

Becka, Lauren's husband (the drummer), and our other friends in Altar White.

Beautiful shot from an intimate wedding they worked.

You can see more of Red Robin Photography on their Flickr page, here. They just keep getting better too, I'm so proud of my friend. Show the love, www.redrobinphotos.com.

Oh, Hallow's Eve...

2007-11-01T06:33:00.000-07:00

I am disappointed.

Halloween is my favourite holiday...ok, it's in my top two. Christmas is good too because I love giving presents and wrapping them all pretty (sticky bows suck).

To get back to the disappointment, Halloween was not all I love about it this year. I did not rock the month of October. I didn't carve a pumpkin. I didn't make any awesome tasty treats that had pumpkin in them or could rot your teeth. I didn't decorate anything. I didn't party it up last night with a bunch of close friends in killer costumes. We hung out, but our costumes weren't anything uniquely special.

It was not a day without it's fun though. The kids at school all wore their costumes and went trick-or-treating from classroom to classroom. The babies' costumes were incredibly cute. L. was the cutest pumpkin I have ever seen in my entire life. He would get hot and take the costume off, only to bring it to me a little bit later and have me help him put it back on. A. had this great puppy costume that was a little to big for her so it sagged in places...I guess she was one of those wrinkly breeds. Adorable...and extra cuddly because the fabric was so soft. C. was Scooby-Doo, which was just hilarious times two since he never wanted to take it off and kept running around in his light-up Spiderman sneakers. D. isn't the best at dealing with costumes, so he just had one of those black shirts with the bones on it for a skeleton. I kept kicking myself for forgetting my camera, they were so funny running around in their costumes together.

Next year I hope to do a better job of celebrating, I don't know if I can handle making myself into a liar about how it's a favourite holiday two years in a row.

spread the love

2007-10-30T19:11:00.000-07:00

I generally like to let people know how cool I think they are. It helps that my friends, in fact, make up a large percentage of the coolest people ever. So when I saw these lovely cards on Oh Joy! I was pretty happy about it. What better way to express my true feeling for my nearest and dearest? Just look at the amazing but simple colors and the wicked cool fonts! I love them.

new funsies

2007-10-29T16:38:00.000-07:00

So many things I've been meaning to write down and share...perhaps we'll just talk a little about how much fun I had at VegFest for now.

My super friend, Lauren, and I took her dog, Dakota, out to VegFest on Saturday and had a great time. I think she and I gave an interesting impression, just the two of us with the dog (people kept talking to us "together") and that gave us a bit of a laugh. We decided to blame that on Becka a bit since she was unable to come and would have made it a little more obvious that we're all just friends if she had been there. Go ahead, laugh about that a little.

We walked around and checked out all the really cool vendors. Some were really awesome, some were interesting, some were incredibly odd, and some were really fun to talk to. The best thing: all the wonderful, delectable, fantastic, delicious food. We tasted a bit of almost everything, including the vegan hot dog from a cart that is famous among some of my friends. One of them told me about him and said I absolutely had to try but we hadn't found him since (until Saturday, and she was right...how did I live so long without having tried one?). There was really good Indian food that we shared a plate of, I'm the wimp that doesn't eat spicy food that often and couldn't eat much without running for a water refill. And the soup! A local restaurant had tastes of theirs and it made me weak in the knees. I may be exaggerating a bit but it was really good. I'm a big fan of black bean soup, and this guy's was exceptional. Ooh, and naturally there was some pretty tasty hummus all around.

Dakota had a great time too, wore herself out. She was dragging us around more than we were her, I think. Lots of the people we met couldn't resist giving her treats (i.e. hummus samples). She's a fun friendly dog so getting out and playing with friends made her happy.

conversation with my mother last night:

2007-10-23T19:14:00.000-07:00

"So we were in Valdosta, and Lauren's been wanting to get her monroe piercing and Brooke knew this apprentice that could do it for six dollars and I was like, 'six dollars? I'll pierce something for six dollars!'"

"Yeah well..."

"So I got this!"

"What? What did you do to yourself, what is that?!"

"It's a bar, it's an industrial piercing!" (The one that goes between two points of cartilage on your upper ear).

"Why the..."

"Six dollars!"

"Please don't get anything else pierced..."

"Well if it's six dollars I can't make any promises."

"Alexis, please!"

"Uh-huh, well I guess that means don't tell dad..."

"I just don't know why you do this to yourself."

"It's an ear, who cares?"

"I care, you didn't get that stuff from me."

"Yeah sure, like I got any free-spirited impulsiveness from dad."

And she proceeded to sheepishly shrug her shoulders...