For the love of meme

I was actually excited when Becka tagged me for this one, like I said yesterday I've been too tired to think lately and that creates a lack of blog topics. So here we go, the first meme to appear on Paper Wings:

I Am...
a song that must be sung,
a book yet to be written,
a beautiful prize to be won.

I Want...
to be someone's muse,
to clumsily fall in love,
to be a magnetic ball of creativity.

I Have...
a lot to offer,
tons to be grateful for,
love love love.

I Wish...
I was closer to meeting my goals,
I was using my degree,
I had someone to cuddle up to.

I Fear...
certain levels of intimacy,
losing control and losing face,
I've said too much.

I Search...
for security,
for something new,
for loveliness.

I Wonder...
all the time,
about all kinds of things,
until I make myself dizzy.

I Regret...
not being honest before it loses relevance,
being too honest at the wrong moment,
too much.

I Love...
protectively and fiercely over time,
with my guard up,
easily before it gets too deep.

I Ache...
for sleep,
for mutual caring,
privately.

I Always...
lose patience with myself,
tend to be hard to impress,
try to think it through.

I Sometimes...
get clumsy,
cry (and don't tell anyone),
watch the Disney channel.

I Dance...
because I can't help it,
to let go without flying away,
to feel like I am flying away.

I Sing....
because my heart is brimming with music,
because it's my joy and my love,
too often when no one is listening.

I Never...
seem to stop thinking,
"learned" to read (it just happened),
think I'm "normal."

I Rarely...
care too much what other people think,
shy away from bold colours,
take anything seriously.

I Cry...
when it just can't be avoided,
alone when I can help it,
and I've been told it's beautiful...but it's hard to believe.

I Am Not Always...
selfless,
sympathetic,
paying attention.

I Lose...
my mind daily,
people when I talk at times,
at chess because I'd rather go do something else.

I'm Confused...
when there's no common sense,
by some aspects of relationships,
about/by my feelings.

I Need...
to sleep in tomorrow,
to do laundry,
to get out on my own.

I Should...
look for free-lance work,
find more clients,
step up to the microphone.

I'm Thinking...
"I hope my dreams are sweet tonight,"
"I want another Tofutti Cutie,"
"I have so much to do..."

I don't really know who to tag...so if you want to tag yourself, feel free and say I did it.

blank

Is there a limit on how many nervous breakdowns one person gets in a lifetime? If so, I might not be allowed to have any more.

Actually, I feel like I'm doing ok. I am consistently stressed out but I think I'm managing to take it a day at a time. But that might be code for "I am in a daze and not actually completely aware of what is going on around me." I don't like being this tired and absentminded all the time but I'm trying to deal knowing that there's not much I can do that will give me instant gratification on this one.

The thing I have noticed is the amount of food going into my mouth on a daily basis. I have never eaten so much consistently before. Stress eating. In no way does my lack of time to go grocery shopping help this problem. I've been dashing into places and grabbing something I can munch on. My choices aren't usually very unhealthy, but I just eat eat eat. It's probably not the best situation for my budget or my waistline. I'm considering doing a fast. I think it would help get me refocused in a lot of ways. Work on self control and paying attention to what's going on with my head.

I definitely feel that if I'm not making myself aware of what's going on internally then it will all build up on that back burner and then burn my whole house down. I already tend to let things accumulate before I have one big private tearfest in my room once a month or so.

This stressed out sleepy girl needs to get to bed. I keep forgetting all the cool things I planned to to for NaBloPoMo but hopefully they will come back to me. The weekend posts will be better...they've gotta be, right?

Whew...

Perhaps just a need to catch up on sleep as for some reason I could not get much sleep Saturday night. It took awhile to actually fall asleep and then I kept waking up throughout the night. Then yesterday I had trouble finding sleep again, at naptime and bedtime. Today I kept falling asleep in random places. And if you were wondering, when you are supposed to be watching small children, this is not a good thing. Basically, keeping up with them is a bit harder when you keep dozing off. Thankfully, this didn't really hit me until all but one were taking naps and she was in her highchair. Unfortunately, I was still drifting when she was out of her highchair and we were in the playroom.

So I had to make a choice because the simple solution to my problem was the Pepsi vending machine around the corner. Now, as a rule, I tend to stay away from soda as we all know it is the opposite of good for you. And because it's not often that I do have it, it will make me a little sick feeling. But I was so tired I decided to go get a bottle, because I can't be all, "I don't know how she got a bloody nose, I was asleep." I was proud of myself though, as the equivalent of how much I drank was probably three or four shot glasses (out of a whole bottle) and usually I would force myself to drink the whole thing because I spent a whole dollar on it.

It did the trick, I managed to stay alert until the end of the day. I even went to the gym. Hopefully, I will be sleeping soundly tonight and be able to post something super tomorrow, as opposed to this rambling.

oh, yeah...

I just had that Sunday moment, the one I have every Sunday, where I remember, "Oh...I have to go to work tomorrow. Man..."

It's not that I really hate my job, it's that I really, really enjoy my breaks.

And that's life.

flutter

I have this new thing for false eyelashes.

I have always loved the look of long, black-as-night numbers that curl just right. And mine don't take much mascara to achieve this. But recently I tried the false eyelashes for a little extra something and haven't really wanted to not wear them since. Have you tried them? They rock.

Check me out:
They're major and they're here to stay. It's going to be a full-blown addiction.