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Dear Last Year's Me:

Congratulations, you're graduating. You worked your ass off and you struggled with school like no one else you know so that you could get here. For you it is indeed one of your biggest accomplishments, because, Miss Bi-polar-depressive-cutter, you didn't completely give up. You're finishing, not necessarily with honors or a super G.P.A., but you made it. Today, you are still proud of yourself and grateful for the people that helped you get there. Don't worry, we won't ever stop thanking them for that.

I won't lie though, we don't have a killer job, a boyfriend, our own apartment, or even our own car right now. The job we have doesn't even use that degree we worked so hard to bring home.

But it's OK.

It's OK because of who we are. It doesn't look like we have a lot to show for it but we have become one of those truly awesome people that others really like.

No, really, people like us and we don't have to try that hard. They like us for who we are and what we've become. And you wanna know a secret? They always did. Why else would all those awesome people stick with us through all those crazy times and help however they could?

You are going to grow so much this year, and this time it's not even going to hurt that much. Sure, there will be bad stuff. There were moments I thought we wouldn't get back up. We did though, and easier than ever before. We aren't so fearful or confused about who we are now. We've embraced our independence and realized, for real this time, what makes us so very special.

And you know the Ex? The one that made you cry so much? You cut him out of your life shortly after you graduated and moved back home. Deleted his phone number and everything. We don't regret it, we were relieved and it may have been one of the best decisions we ever made. I wouldn't be here talking to you like this if we hadn't done it. I fully believe that. He called the other night after calling a couple different people to get our number. That he called was surprising, why he called was not. But this time, we really didn't feel sorry for him and we didn't do anything but listen and catch up. That night, we went to bed easily without crying and slept really well. Crazy, huh? Turns out the whole time you were the needed, not the needy. I don't know how everyone (including you) had you convinced it was the other way around for so long. Apparently, mom always knew how independent and strong-willed we are, how incredibly strong we are, but I guess we had to figure that out on our own.

You made good decisions, and I'm proud of you. Right down to the choice to wear red shoes to that graduation ceremony mom and dad made you attend. Don't begrudge them that, don't deny yourself that sense of accomplishment or feel cheesy for partaking in it. So many friends and professors watched you and knew that it was more than what it was for some other graduates, and you knew it too. We all knew that it hadn't been an easy ride, that you put blood and tears (literally) into that degree, that you truly earned it. Maybe the only way you use it is posting to your blog on a regular basis, but we love our blog so that's OK too.

We have an exciting future ahead of us. We don' t know the things we want to, like how soon we'll be in love and getting married or what we want to do about work, apartments, and such but we're going to keep moving forward.

I love you. I love us. Thanks for being so awesome.

Love,
This Year's Me