wikilexis

I'd been thinking about doing this for a bit and then the lovely Distracted Spunk did it so now I'll be copying. But I mean, what do I mind if I'm compared to really cool people?

It's quite simple, ask me a question. Any question. I'll put together answers in another post later on. Ask more than one if you want.

Please make them interesting, I read most of your blogs and know that you're fascinating people so I'd be sorely disappointed if I got mundane questions (she said with a wink).

I'm debating whether to answer the questions in my next installment of 100 things about me, you'll just have to wait and see what happens.

And if you're someone that stops by on a regular basis but doesn't usually comment, please do so this time. The more questions the better and all the more fascinating it'll become.

Nifty, no?

It's that time again

I realized that I have a long way to go before I reach the hundred mark on the hundred things about me, so I figured I should do an installment soon. So, here we go.

Numbers 41-50 (Yay! Halfway!):

50. I think that gifts should have a lot of thought put into them, and the presentation of that gift is just as important. Gift bags and crumpled tissue paper disappoint me. And I appreciate gift cards, but they still kind of disappoint me. However, this not being everyone's forte, I try not to let any disappointment show because I am truly grateful and feel loved to receive it.
51. Twizzlers will probably always be my favourite candy. And no, I don't really care for Red Vines, I love Twizzlers. I mean, other candies have come and gone as flings and fleeting obsessions, but Twizzlers have proven that they can stick it out for the long run with me.
52. I'm a huge fan of moderation and balance, just not always the best practitioner
of them.
53. One of my romantic fantasies is to have one of those days that are done like montages in movies, there's a really good one in Loser(?) of all things. The days where the pair that are falling-in-love-without-knowing-it are running around a particular city doing all the little fun things, finding ways to do them for free. Usually, one of them is the whimsically free-spirited showing the other how to really live. In my head there's the music playing to complete the picture, because you can't have that scene in the movie without the right song. Also, if I have my way it will be somewhere foreign (or NYC).
54. Whenever I hear a female speaker (be it "motivational," or "church-related," or just on the street) say "Ladies, we have to stop comparing ourselves to one another," which has happened more than what I think should be normal. I think to myself, "That's not gonna happen," and immediately start running a list of the girls around me and how we compare. I know I'm beautiful the way I am, but seriously if that girl over there has beautifully toned arms that make mine look like soft twigs I'm going to take notice and mentally make a note to do more push-ups.
55. I have broken an alarm clock by throwing it across the room before. It didn't stop beeping so I had to throw it again.
56. I'm not a Republican, but I'm not a Democrat. Maybe my desire to move out of this country is somehow related to this type of thing.
57. I think if/once I move back overseas I might not come back here.
58. Even if I'm really hot at night I don't like to sleep without my comforter. I could be getting sweaty and have trouble actually getting to sleep and I won't want to kick off the covers. Hence my constant complaints that my dad keeps the thermostat too high (I mean, I sweat in the living room too...it's just at night that makes me whiny about it).
59. Everything I know about pop culture I learned from watching shows like I love the 80s, Best Week Ever, The Soup, and all that kind of stuff. I may not have watched or experienced those things, but I can probably remember enough for SceneIt or something.
60. I have the weirdest, craziest dreams. I don't know where they come from, but they are intense...really...really...strange things.

Until next time...
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If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. -- Edith Wharton

London calling

I've decided this is what I'm going to do. It's in that stage where it's mostly an idea that is forming a plan, as I can't call it an actual plan since I haven't actually gotten in to any schools but have a couple to apply to. It's at the point though, that I have made up my mind to follow through and make the plan and move to London and go to school and be the cool one who moved to London to study something she's passionate about.

I'm also getting ahead of myself a bit. You know when you first get the inkling to do something, and then you are sure it's what you want to do, how you get that kind of excitement where you start thinking of all the things that really could wait until later? Wait until all the other stuff gets sorted out, because you can't actually take care of these things until those things get taken care of?

For example, here's what I have started jumping forward to:
What kind of roommates will I have? Can I kind of ask to be put with others closer to my age? What kind of job will I get, 'cause I can't not have a job if I'm going over there a girl's gotta eat? Where am I going to go to church? I wonder what the best restaurants for my vegan ways will be. (Note: Already started perusing happycow.com) Will one of them turn into that place you can find me for lunch almost every day? Should I go ahead and get those tickets to see David Tennant with the Royal Shakespeare Company? I guess I'll be able to see him in whichever play I want to, do I want to see Hamlet or Love's Labour's Lost more? What should I take with me and what should I just wait and get there? Dang it...I won't be able to take all my books...or DVDs...thank goodness for the iPod situation or I'd be freaking about the CD issue.

Mingle all that in with the really practical stuff about getting the applications finished, getting a portfolio put together, finding my passport (probably getting that renewed) and applying for a visa, plane tickets, adding more loans to my not-tiny amount, and all that adds up for a lot of excitement in my brain. It's like a party in here.

And you know what? I'm not all that scared about it. Not all that worried. Eager and excited and hoping it all works out, yes. Because it's all coming together. I have something to work towards, a big tangible thing that makes sense.

I mean, plus, I really want to go.

Shouldn't you have it all figured out by now?

No! Now get out of my face. (Apparently I will be making a statement or asking a question in my titles that will be responded to in the first line of the post on a consistent basis from now on).

Nobody has it figured out. Nobody knows what the hell is going on.

I'm only twenty-three but I'm already twenty-three, you know? Oh, and I'll be twenty-four next month. And it shouldn't, but it strikes me with a feeling of dread that I'll be that old and not at all that close to accomplishing any of the things I dreamed up for myself as a youngster.

This does not mean I'm unhappy with myself. I'm really awesome. I still have room for improvement, but I don't mind that and I don't think anyone else is free of that either.

Here's something I've figured out, a B.A. in English doesn't really count for much when you start hunting down jobs. Maybe it's too general, as in it doesn't actually prepare you for a job. It prepares you for graduate school. Do I want to go to graduate school? Not particularly.

Here's what I've been pondering. I ponder a lot. Actually, my mind races about and jumps from place to place a lot. Much like a small animal that becomes excited for no apparent reason and you watch them run around your living room at a crazy pace, back and forth and back again. Or like the little orb in the pin ball machine, only going at a rate so fast you can't keep track of where it went or predict where it will go next. What? Oh yeah, my pondering:

Perhaps I will go back to school, only this time concentrating on something I've always considered doing and almost did before. That doesn't mean I have to go get a Masters, because another Bachelors would be just fine. I've always been really interested in fashion design and marketing and almost left my first school to enter a program to do that. I don't think I made the wrong decision to stay where I was, but now I'm thinking I could (or should) go for it. And I wouldn't necessarily have to start all over, with a lot of general knowledge classes under my belt some of the credits might still transfer or something. Plus, all of this could be done in London which is a very good place to study fashion. Now, where does all that talk from yesterday about singing and acting and writing fall into play? Well, London is a nice hub for the creative arts and I'm sure I could work something out.

It's a viable option, I already spoke with an advisor at a school there today.

There are a lot of options I suppose, so you know this isn't the final word on anything. Tomorrow I could have a completely different story.

But shouldn't I make my mind up already? Probably, but hey, I'm only twenty-three.

And as lame as this is, I was watching Friends earlier and all I could think was, "I can't be that abnormal, Rachel is totally based on the type of person that doesn't have this junk figured out. She's, what, twenty-five on this show in the beginning? Yeah, she's a character that is completely fictional, but there's no way they just pulled that material out of thin air, there's basis in reality somewhere. And Rachel "finds herself" and turns out to be a really successful, super-cool person. You're my inspiration, Rachel Green." I thought all that and decided that it's understood that this type of twenty-something is average. We're all characters that are just trying to figure it out and often have to stop, look around, realise some things need to be different, and change direction. Pleas note that I know Friends is just a T.V. show and my life can't be based on it, I was just considering how to use it as a learning device of some kind.

So if I end up at design school in London, working at Starbucks and turning things around, life will be swell. Because I will be positive that I'm taking action and being productive. Not shying away from making big changes because of my age. If I can't do it now I won't be able to do it when I'm middle-aged, or eighty-three neither.

That's life, sometimes you have to ignore the years and do something drastic. That's right, be drastic. Be bold. Be confusing. Keep people guessing.

My dad is going to be terrified. My tendency towards "free spiritedness" and "impulsiveness" and "change" freaks him out. But he also hates that I seem to be a bit aimless and without a big picture, so perhaps presenting him with a plan will ease his mind. Then again, probably not, I scare the crap out of that guy.

Here's the end, and from now on there may be more full songs as opposed to excerpts as the little pieces don't have the full impact (and it's so hard to choose which lyrics I want). This, of course, doesn't apply to quotes, just lyrics.

I ramble, so what?
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After years of expensive education,
a car full of books and anticipation,
I’m an expert on Shakespeare and that’s a hell of a lot
but the world don't need scholars as much as I thought.

Maybe I'll go travelling for a year,
finding myself or start a career.
I could work for the poor though I’m hungry for fame
we all seem so different but we're just the same.

Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat,
aren't things more easy with a tight six pack?
Who knows the answers? Who do you trust?
I can't even separate love from lust.

Maybe I’ll move back home and pay off my loans,
working nine to five answering phones.
Don't make me live for my friday nights,
drinking eight pints and getting in fights.

I don't want to get up, just let me lie in,
leave me alone, I'm a twenty something.

Maybe I'll just fall in love that could solve it all,
philosophers say that that’s enough,
there surely must be more. Ooooh

Love ain’t the answer nor is work,
the truth eludes me so much it hurts.
But I’m still having fun and I guess that's the key,
I'm a twenty something and I'll keep being me.
-- "Twentysomething," Jamie Cullum

It's too laaaate...

Not really. It's not too late. You're probably not even holding it against me. I have no excuses for not having any real posts lately. All I can say is that I've been a bit blocked.

The odd thing is, I have quite a few drafts of things I've been meaning to share. I am not a draft kind of person, that's why it's odd. I usually sit down and write something and it's good to go. But these drafts are all about half-done, I write the half and then forget where I was going or don't like how it's working so I actually save it and decide to come back to it later. I know that's no different than the way most people work...but it's a total deviation from my normal method. Crazy, I tell you.

I don't even have anything to really be distracted by. Maybe the monotony is distracting. Maybe the fact that I don't feel active in my own life right now is distracting. I'm a firm believer in doing things in your own life, nothing can happen for you if you're sitting on the couch or watching other people jealously. And right now? I'm sitting on the couch wondering what the f*** to do with myself while I watch other people live.

Perhaps it's like a hibernation period, because I'd be lying if I said I'm doing absolutely nothing. Maybe I'm storing up energy for when I need it because everything will get turned upside down and around and inside out at a point in the near future.

But the taking action thing is haunting me a bit. I hate feeling complacent, feeling stagnant. So 2008 needs to be a year of doing. I'm not talking resolutions in the traditional sense, I think you set yourself up for failure that way. I'm talking resolution in the sense that I need to get convicted about what I know needs to happen. Write down some goals and go for them because I will regret it if I stay still.

I'm a mover. I love change, I adore it. I get itchy when I've been in the same place too long, doing the same things, looking out at the same scenery everyday. Routine makes me go a little crazy. But I can't sit around and wait for the Doctor to show up and hitch a ride with him for adventures, now can I?

So here are my convictions, the goals I am mustering up the resolve to accomplish (the top three, anyway):

- Lose the extra fifteen pounds of fat that have taken up residence around my middle. I know this is the classic New Year's resolution, and I'm going to sound like every other girl that hates what she sees in the mirror. But I'm really uncomfortable physically, and the fact that those pants that used be kind of big on me are now a little tight doesn't help. Unfortunately, if I'm really going to do this I need to bust out the weights and actually do some strength training...which is my least favourite exercise. I love to run, I love to swim, I love to do cardio, I love to run up and down the soccer field, but put weights in my hands and I will whine like a spoiled baby. But you have to build muscle to burn fat and really get in shape. Plus, a healthy lifestyle can't be contained to the way I eat.

- Follow through with things. I have ideas, lots of them. I have thoughts, lots of them. Do I anything about it? Not very often. For example, I've thought about moving to London a lot over the years (the language is close enough to the one I'm already fluent in that the adjustment could be easier, among many other reasons). When mom and I started planning our trip I wandered onto some other sites and looked at some info about moving there and what it's like to live there and it made me want to do it even more. In line with my new determination to be more active, I started looking at job listings too. I already applied for one and I have some more saved that I need to do something about. I get really excited thinking about the possibilities and I'm more certain that ever that I want to make something happen to get me to London, visa in hand. There are lots of other little projects and things that are really good ideas and those need to see some action too.

- Use my talents. I'm a talented woman. I'm not bragging, I'm just being honest. I'm really grateful for the gifts I've gotten, but I never really use them. I can sing my heart out, I can act my way out of more than one paper bag, and when I put my mind to it I can write some seriously good stuff (those being the three things I usually shy away from). Something I do know is that I can't just say that or bank on what comes to me naturally, I need to hone the skill. I should take classes, I should listen to people that do those things and take what they have to say to heart. So I suppose the goal here is to do something with what I have and work towards what I can get out of using my creative skills.

I am not usually afraid of adjusting things to make me a better me, although I am thrown a little too much by setbacks at times. I grew a lot in 2007 as a person and in 2008 I want to make things happen around me. I want to get out there and find the job that will take me where I want to go. I want to take my business to greater levels. I want to make myself available for a man that I could live without but won't want to. If 2007 was a foundation of personal growth, 2008 will bigger and better.

I'll let you know when I wake up and break out of the funk I'm in, I think it will be soon because I'm getting restless.
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This is a call to the color-blind
This is an IOU
I'm stranded behind a horizon line
Tied up in something true

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

Why is it not my time?
What is there more to learn?
Shed this skin I've been tripping in
Never to quite return

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for
Cause I'm bigger than my body now

Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines
And it might be over in a second's time
But I'll gladly go down in a flame
If the flame's what it takes to remember my name

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry
For my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body now
-"Bigger than My Body," John Mayer