trains, planes, etc.

I think I summed up some of my feelings to Becka earlier today:
"I have my ticket and I'm ready to board, but the train's not here yet."

It's like being on the verge of good things you've always wanted but they aren't available right now. And knowing that at some point, you have absolutely no control over when they get here. Trying not to let the loneliness and the anxiousness overpower you, but become insanely frustrated and unable to communicate it to others that couldn't possibly understand where you're coming from (not that they aren't trying, and heaven knows you're grateful for such attempts to listen and help). It's enough to make a girl go mad just thinking about it, because you're not quite sure how to make it better...even to do one little thing now that will help get you past this point while you're doing all the things that are going to pay off later but don't show much result right away.

It's difficult to sum up how I've been, because it's a different answer for every different area. I'm excited about one thing and pretty low about another. I start to think about all the things that I want to do and get very frustrated at not being able to do them for one reason or another (and there have been attempts to do them), and all the little complications add up and I get angry and frustrated. I don't know if I've ever had such a difficult time trying to explain how I feel or not known how to "fix" it. And maybe it's just today and tomorrow I'll feel better...maybe.