It's too laaaate...

Not really. It's not too late. You're probably not even holding it against me. I have no excuses for not having any real posts lately. All I can say is that I've been a bit blocked.

The odd thing is, I have quite a few drafts of things I've been meaning to share. I am not a draft kind of person, that's why it's odd. I usually sit down and write something and it's good to go. But these drafts are all about half-done, I write the half and then forget where I was going or don't like how it's working so I actually save it and decide to come back to it later. I know that's no different than the way most people work...but it's a total deviation from my normal method. Crazy, I tell you.

I don't even have anything to really be distracted by. Maybe the monotony is distracting. Maybe the fact that I don't feel active in my own life right now is distracting. I'm a firm believer in doing things in your own life, nothing can happen for you if you're sitting on the couch or watching other people jealously. And right now? I'm sitting on the couch wondering what the f*** to do with myself while I watch other people live.

Perhaps it's like a hibernation period, because I'd be lying if I said I'm doing absolutely nothing. Maybe I'm storing up energy for when I need it because everything will get turned upside down and around and inside out at a point in the near future.

But the taking action thing is haunting me a bit. I hate feeling complacent, feeling stagnant. So 2008 needs to be a year of doing. I'm not talking resolutions in the traditional sense, I think you set yourself up for failure that way. I'm talking resolution in the sense that I need to get convicted about what I know needs to happen. Write down some goals and go for them because I will regret it if I stay still.

I'm a mover. I love change, I adore it. I get itchy when I've been in the same place too long, doing the same things, looking out at the same scenery everyday. Routine makes me go a little crazy. But I can't sit around and wait for the Doctor to show up and hitch a ride with him for adventures, now can I?

So here are my convictions, the goals I am mustering up the resolve to accomplish (the top three, anyway):

- Lose the extra fifteen pounds of fat that have taken up residence around my middle. I know this is the classic New Year's resolution, and I'm going to sound like every other girl that hates what she sees in the mirror. But I'm really uncomfortable physically, and the fact that those pants that used be kind of big on me are now a little tight doesn't help. Unfortunately, if I'm really going to do this I need to bust out the weights and actually do some strength training...which is my least favourite exercise. I love to run, I love to swim, I love to do cardio, I love to run up and down the soccer field, but put weights in my hands and I will whine like a spoiled baby. But you have to build muscle to burn fat and really get in shape. Plus, a healthy lifestyle can't be contained to the way I eat.

- Follow through with things. I have ideas, lots of them. I have thoughts, lots of them. Do I anything about it? Not very often. For example, I've thought about moving to London a lot over the years (the language is close enough to the one I'm already fluent in that the adjustment could be easier, among many other reasons). When mom and I started planning our trip I wandered onto some other sites and looked at some info about moving there and what it's like to live there and it made me want to do it even more. In line with my new determination to be more active, I started looking at job listings too. I already applied for one and I have some more saved that I need to do something about. I get really excited thinking about the possibilities and I'm more certain that ever that I want to make something happen to get me to London, visa in hand. There are lots of other little projects and things that are really good ideas and those need to see some action too.

- Use my talents. I'm a talented woman. I'm not bragging, I'm just being honest. I'm really grateful for the gifts I've gotten, but I never really use them. I can sing my heart out, I can act my way out of more than one paper bag, and when I put my mind to it I can write some seriously good stuff (those being the three things I usually shy away from). Something I do know is that I can't just say that or bank on what comes to me naturally, I need to hone the skill. I should take classes, I should listen to people that do those things and take what they have to say to heart. So I suppose the goal here is to do something with what I have and work towards what I can get out of using my creative skills.

I am not usually afraid of adjusting things to make me a better me, although I am thrown a little too much by setbacks at times. I grew a lot in 2007 as a person and in 2008 I want to make things happen around me. I want to get out there and find the job that will take me where I want to go. I want to take my business to greater levels. I want to make myself available for a man that I could live without but won't want to. If 2007 was a foundation of personal growth, 2008 will bigger and better.

I'll let you know when I wake up and break out of the funk I'm in, I think it will be soon because I'm getting restless.
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This is a call to the color-blind
This is an IOU
I'm stranded behind a horizon line
Tied up in something true

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

Why is it not my time?
What is there more to learn?
Shed this skin I've been tripping in
Never to quite return

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for
Cause I'm bigger than my body now

Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines
And it might be over in a second's time
But I'll gladly go down in a flame
If the flame's what it takes to remember my name

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry
For my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body now
-"Bigger than My Body," John Mayer